Becoming an On Purpose Home Keeper

Kari just sent a sweet comment note this morning on this older post. Made me think it might be timely for some readers to re-post it! As you're seeking to become 'on purpose' in managing your home, walking with queenly dignity in your roles as wife, mother and friend - take a moment and say "hello" over at my French Home and Garden - La Maison et le Jardin. I've been spending time gardening over there. I'd love for you to add LaMaison et le Jardin to your follow list.

. . . .a bit of my garden.

Today is Day 6 in my series on Baby Steps and one of the things that I love about being a writer is not only the opportunity I have to encourage so many women (I've been so jazzed about with all the emails and notes yesterday - scroll down to see one), but more so what it does for me.

See, I am in no way perfect. I have not arrived. I am in process. And, when I write what I know is true, what I know is Biblical, what I know works and what I know honors God - I get reminded. I get to be challenged all over again. I don't know about you, but I need that. I need the kick in the pants - as I run this race . . . as God develops character (His) in me - for the sake of the Kingdom and That Day (2 Corinthians 5:7-11).

So, before I move on to some practical how to stuff, I want to address (again) how vital a woman’s attitude is toward her home and her husband and toward her role.

Unfortunately, so many women have had NOTHING biblical modeled. It was my generation (sorry girls) who left the home in mass. We were a bunch of angry women who left our homes to pursue something we thought would actually be more fulfilling. What we left was a mess. I'll write more about the mess we left on another day.

A woman’s attitude toward her home front is just about everything. What you think about what your role is and what God says about it matters.

About eighteen years ago, I realized that I'd torn my house down. Yup, I did. I disrespected Michael, tried to make him and our daughters perfect - because if they were all perfect, then everyone would think that I was perfect and then I'd be OK. It was foolish and destructive. My expectations were ridiculous. I didn't understand my role. I didn't understand how to Create Sanctuary or any of the Simple Home Principles. Today I do. I am passionate about them - ask the girls I face to face disciple.

God's grace and truth got a hold of my heart and He directed my steps to be on-purpose to rebuild my home front. I did these three things:

A – I Assessed my home front (marriage, parenting, home keeping skills)
B – I Become Biblical
C – I recognized God’s heart for Character over Convenience

I know from the letters that I receive that many of my readers are in the same boat that I was eighteen years ago. Whether or not that's you, here's your Lylah Assignment for the Day :-)

Your Becoming and On-Purpose Home Keeper Assignment (I am a teacher, ya know.) is to journal. Do the best you can. I know you are ALL very, very busy moms. At least read through the questions and hear God's heart toward you about them.

Assess your home front. Where are you doing well and where do you need to grow in those three main areas?

Journal your answers to these questions:
What is the condition of my home? Is it a mess - clutter every where? Is there peace, unity, harmony?

Are there unresolved conflicts? Am I bitter about unresolved hurts from the past? Do I with hold sex from my husband or use it to manipulate him? Do I have a list of excuses as to why I can’t/don’t want to make love? More on this one later.

Are kind words the norm or is the tone more sarcastic or harsh? If so, why? Do my words edify and build up? Do I complain? Do I manipulate? Do I nag, grumble?

Do I have an attitude of submission and do I show my husband respect? Do I understand that he is God's authority in the home and do I understand what my husband's vision is and do I follow it?

Is communication surface or on a more intimate level? Does my husband’s heart trust me?

Do I wisely manage my time?

Am I content and does it show with joy? Am I always wanting more? Do I compare myself to other women?

Do I prepare nutrition meals for my family?

Am I a busy body?

Do I say things about my husband to others that uncovers his weaknesses…those character areas that God is working on? Do I correct his story in public . . . thus shaming him?

Do I place my children’s needs over that of my husbands? Do I serve my children and train my husband?

Is what I’m about to do going to help my husband? How am I affirming his leadership? Do I know what it means to express my femininity through supporting his leadership? How do I minister to my husband? How do I show him that I am fond of him?

Do I fully understand my biblical job description? Do I fully understand my husband’s biblical job description?

Do I see my husband in light of how God sees him? Or, do I have my husband locked in to patterns of the past? Do the choices I make serve me or my husband? Do I have a love for my home?

Is the God-designed creative nurture expressed within my home?

I have so appreciated your personal emails to me. It’s encouraging to know that I’m hitting the mark. Email with questions or comments at Lylahl@aol.com or leave them here.

I’ll see you back here tommorrow.

Here’s one I received last night (with permission to share):

Hi Lylah,
My name is Faith. I heard about your site and book from Stephanie @ keeperofthehome.

First, I'd like to say that I have been really touched by what I've read on your site so far. The areas you write about: journaling, making your home a sanctuary, loving our husbands, prayer, and more are close to my heart. However, they are all definitely areas I need and want to grow in. As I read your site, continually I said to myself, "Yes! That's what I've been thinking about...or Yes! I want to be that person. (Side note: I've tried many times to explain to my husband or a friend why journaling is important to me, but never seem to be able to convey exactly what I mean. I think from now on I'll just read them some excerpts from your site on journaling! That is my heart!)

In case you've missed one - here's Day 5, Day 4, Day 3, Day 2, Day 2, Day 1 and my intro. This works for me!

Becoming an On Purpose Home Keeper

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2009/09/becoming-on-purpose-home-keeper.html

MOM Help 911 Part 3 - REST

MOM Help 911 Part 3 - REST

Moms are very amazing people and God has wired them to be in partnership with Him to grow little people into big people who become a productive and positive part of society and who will be salt and light for the sake of His Kingdom.

This post has been difficult for me to write and I’ve wrestled with how to communicate an important issue that moms must model - REST.

Seems like an oxymoron doesn’t it – MOMS and REST. I can almost hear some little snickers.

In my wrestling, last night I actually dreamt of a particular season in my life – back in the 80’s – where I – as a single mom – experienced the REST that I’ll hoping to use to get my point across. So, bear with me. I know my girls will recall this time.

First, a MOM must model RESPECT and if she grasps God’s grace, she must learn to model REST too.

A Season of Learning to REST
In the 80’s, I became a single mother because the man I’d married to decided he did not want to be a husband or a father and the world offered more options (women, drugs and parties).

In that season, I was living in north Texas and for some reason, God placed the girls and I out in the county, in a little run down home surrounded by the gold of wheat fields along with a menagerie of a few dairy goats, turkeys, chickens and cats for the rats. Oh, I hate mice and rats!

In that day, I putzed around in a little beat up army green colored Toyota, had no cell phone, no computer, no clothes dryer and a wood stove I stoked to warm us from those blistering cold north winter winds that would unashamedly whip through our little abode.

I have always been a hard worker. I learned hard work ethics from watching my grandfather, and my parents. Believe it or not hard work and joy go together. Of course, I still work hard, but I’ll tell you there’s NOTHING like the hard work on a little farm – milking goats, tending chickens, fixing fences, kidding goats, killing rats, and being mom to two little girls – single-handed, hanging laundry in the dead of winter to freeze dry and working a part-time job AND baking and selling the best wheat bread (ever) to earn a few extra dollars. Now, that’s hard work!

Work never seemed to end and it was during one of the hardest times of my life that I learned the rhythm of life with work 6 and rest 1 and I learned what it meant to daily have that quiet time with Jesus and to entwine my heart with His for the REST of day.

The work 6 and rest 1 was God’s idea, you know?

It was in those times of hard work and attending to the affairs of my home and making that my priority that I felt closest to Jesus. It was in those times that I learned to listen to Him, to pray and plan and hear His heart about the things that concerned Him about me.

My body, soul and spirit restored in the REST. My daily work was good because my heart was entwined with His.

Today's Moms have No REST
I long for today’s moms to understand this REST, and the problem I see is that they seem too busy. They don’t seem as focused as they could be in to attending their homes. They seem so distracted by too much outside their home, letting too much of what they’re distracted with on the outside come in – to the inside.

The home, which should be sanctuary, is not the Simple Home, but the chaotic, cluttered and home of constant – action. There is no REST.

When a mom isn’t at REST she influences the rest of her family (pun intended). She’s the light and life in her home and I have to say that the spirit (tone) of the home will often point to the mom.

The underlying, subtle mental mom mantra says: there is so much external stimulus nagging at my soul of what I could do, get to do, need to do, should do and better hurry up and do.

Adrenaline burn out!

Multi-Tasking moms
I wonder sometimes if all these modern conveniences (cell phones, computers, all our helps in the kitchen – which I am very thankful for) that are supposed to make a moms work easier actually require her to do more multi-tasking?

I admit that I can fall prey to thinking I can do more because I can start the laundry while I’m talking on the phone while I’m making the bed while I’m stirring the oatmeal while I’m jotting down some notes of what I need at the store while I’m checking my email. And, this is the Simple Home?


But – we don’t really want that REST, do we?
Get this – two places, God says (Isaiah 28:10) This is the RESTING place, let the weary rest and this is the place of repose – but they would not listen.

And, here in 30:15, In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.

Jesus also addresses this rest and says in Mathew 11: 28, Come to me all you who are weary and burdened (burned out) and I will give you REST . . . learn from Me. . . .

How does a mom get that REST?
It requires a mental system overhaul. It requires choosing to let many, unnecessary things go – the better for the best. It requires a mom learning the word NO and actually saying the word NO. It requires a mom to work hard for 6 and rest for 1 and it requires her to change her lifestyle and learn from the P31 Woman who made it a priority to attend to the affairs of her home.

What does the life of a mom modeling REST look like?
When a mom learns the art of daily stoking the internal fire and when she learns how to find that daily place of quiet and REST in entwining her heart with Jesus and being devoted to Him and His ways and when she understand how to adore her husband she’ll find she’s less distracted by things that won’t really matter for eternity.

REST is evident in the life of a mom who lives the simple life of order and balance and self-discipline. She attends to the affairs of her home first and she guards what comes into her home.

Today’s REST assignment:
First thing:
Go and clean the key working center in your home – your kitchen. Put your favorite CD of music on, don’t touch the phone; or look at the computer until it’s ALL done…spic and span and shining all over. Don’t get distracted by anything – set your little ones down with some play projects (not TV) and tell them that mommy’s working hard so she can REST – with them. Model for them this kind of REST.

Then and only then – when you’re all finished – make yourself a cup of coffee or tea and go REST – sit down with your children – read them a book, play blocks or some other creative thing. Model RESTED soul for them.

Next thing:
Plan the evening dinner. Start the evening dinner – with whatever you have – don’t leave your home and go buy something you forgot to buy the other day because you didn’t have a menu or a list – it’s OK – you’ll learn to do that later. Just stay home-and ask God to help you be creative with the evening meal in using what you have, and thank Him for His grace and goodness to you.

May you find yourself at REST today.

Need to catch up on MOMS Help 911? Here's Part 1 and Part 2 and Baby Steps to Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper has a great recap here. And, after you get your kitchen in order - and have a REST moment, join me in Spain - I'm here another week. If you are hungry and don't have breakfast planned - try these wonderful pancakes!

MOM Help 911 Part 3 - REST

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/07/mom-help-911-part-3-rest.html

Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper Series - Part Four

Making a house a home is God’s assignment to women and with that assignment comes the potential to either build up or tear down the home (Proverbs 14:1).

Titus 2: 3—5 gives us some tools to build with: loving (being fond of) our husbands, training our children and keeping our homes. God gave us the job of being the home keeper.

That word originally (in the Greek) meant to be a home worker.

I recently read that the home was once described as a . . . place apart . . . a walled garden….in which certain virtues too easily crushed by modern life could be preserved.

THE HOME - A PLACE SET A PART

Wow, MY home can be a place apart (from the crazy world) and it can be like a walled garden. These thoughts slow me down and make me realize that being a homemaker is an investment I make for eternity.

Several foundational heart values must be set in place for a woman to become an on-purpose home keeper and to create sanctuary in her home.

Some of those heart values have to do with looking at what I call Sanctuary Robbers. You can refresh your thinking by reviewing part one, part two and part three.

ORDER AND PEACE IN THE HOME
God gave the woman the role of bringing order and establishing peace in her home. Home is to be that place of sanctuary and peace providing restoration of the soul for the family.

If the woman of the home isn’t at least somewhat organized (this can be learned) and if she hasn’t established at least a few daily habits (these take time to develop) to fulfill her role in being the keeper of the home, it won’t be too long before exhaustion sets in, confusion and discouragement are the emotions that rule, children become unsettled and unruly and a husband becomes discouraged and maybe bitter.

I know that so many young women have never been trained (by older women) how to create a home that IS sanctuary. Many women haven’t had it modeled or been taught what it means to be a wife or a mother (biblical one) let alone how to keep the home and make it sanctuary.

CHAOS AND CONFUSION
Chaos and confusion are two ways a woman can systematically tear her house down. In time, the chaos of her foolish ways (lack of heart values, unmanaged margins, lack of foresight toward eternity, a personally undisciplined life, unwilling to learn, not caring about the marital benefits and others) will tear her home down. A home, intended to be a place of sanctuary and peace and restoration of the soul, will become a place of turmoil

POWER, PRODUCTIVITY, JOY
The more a wife and mother seeks to Create Sanctuary and apply the Simple Home principles of order and structure by implementing a daily home front routine (training children, keeping the home, nutritious meals, respecting the husband), the more she’ll feel empowered, be productive and have a sense of joy.

When a mom’s day is ‘on purpose’ and her steps guided by routine and a (flexible) Home Front Margins the more she’ll have that internal sense where at the end of the day, she’ll be able to say (with some JOY) “Phew, it was a good day.”

FUTURE CHAT TIMES
Relax, stay with me and bring your cup of tea or coffee as we continue on the path together Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper.

I've got plans to chat about how to set up daily margins, creating Home Front Centers (HFC), decluttering suggestions, good equipment to work in your HFC's, hospitality and how to build bridges, make your table have power - and lots more!

This is a repost from an earlier series.
I’d love to hear how you’re doing and what is effecting you most from this series! I'd like to hear where you personally struggle. That will help me to know how to more thoroughly address some of these issues. Leave a post or write me personally at lylahl@aol.com.

Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper Series - Part Four

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/06/becoming-on-purpose-home-keeper-series.html

baby steps day 23 - margins and your season

Baby Steps series continues . . .

Margins are my elements of time and it's important for a woman to evaluate the season of life she is in along with determining how to best manage her margins. What might be working for me might not be an effective plan for another woman. The point is, is that we must pray, evaluate and set up some sort of a plan, try it on and if it needs adjusting then be comfortable to make necessary changes. Because Michael and I have a weekly Marriage Staff Meeting (on Mondays), he's aware of my margins.

Different women set up daily schedules and routines in different ways. As you ponder establishing your margins, these mom bloggers have some great ideas and one of them might work for you.

Lindsay can help with her Simple Home Schedule.

Laura has help with a Monthly Organizing Round Up.

Stephanie will encourage you with her Kitchen Re-Organization and her Scheduling Series as she shares her experience in wrestling through establishing her margins.

The Simple Mom has a ton of posts and series on Scheduling and Commitment.

Leo at Zen Habits gives his expertise on organization raising six kiddos.

Post a comment and add a link to your blog where you've posted what you do on your homefront! Do share!

baby steps day 23 - margins and your season

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/08/baby-steps-day-23-margins-and-your.html

baby steps - day 22 - margins continued

Baby Steps toward purposeful home keeping continues! The beginning of this series is here.

My last few posts have been on the subject of margins. My daily and weekly margins have purpose and I fill them in not fill them up with those Make it Priority tasks so that I can create sanctuary on my homefront and have time with those needful relationship connections for my personal growth. I do it on purpose and I do it with the end in mind.

EXAMPLES
I know our bed will be made every day and once a week I’ll put fresh sheets on the bed. My goal is to make the bed first thing in the morning (and generally that happens) and every Saturday the sheets are fresh, but if that doesn’t happen (for whatever reason) then it will on Monday morning. It’s all good. Not rigid, but grace filled. I do this task because I not only feel good about it, but I know Michael enjoys it too. That's sanctuary.

I also know that it's my responsibility to serve nutritious meals. My husband feels loved, respected and he knows that I'm making him my priority when I plan, prepare and serve him a good meal. So, I daily prepare us breakfast and we eat together. It's our morning time to connect, evaluate the day and be a part of what each other is going to do. Generally, I serve breakfast outside on our patio. I prepare and plan this and place it in a margin, because I know my husband enjoys this, needs this and feels loved and respected when I serve him this way.

Since daily meal preparation requires planning I must add that space to plan and prepare and think through the week and shop accordingly to my margins.

I also think about making sure that our refrigerator is cleaned out and organized BEFORE I go shopping so that it's not a last minute thing I do with bags of groceries on the counter waiting to be put away.

Michael's heart trusts that I'm going to be responsible to take care of this. It's a way that I create sanctuary.

So, there are daily and weekly priority tasks to accomplish so that I can take care of my husband and create sanctuary in our home.

I’ve determined the best time for me to accomplish what I need to and I place those tasks within my margins spaces.

General daily margins look like this:
Soul Care Margin - 5 – 7:30 am – (This is the time for me – to read, workout, shower, think and look at my day.) I can choose to get up early or I can choose to sleep a bit longer and perhaps not have the Soul Care time that I might really need.

Morning Margin - 7:30 am – until Noon

Afternoon Margin - Noon – 6 pm

Evening Margin - 6 pm – 10 pm

We all get these basic time margins and it’s our choice how we steward them and what we use them for. How do you fill in or fill up your margins and how do you determine your priorities?

baby steps - day 22 - margins continued

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/08/baby-steps-day-22-margins-continued.html

Baby Steps - Day 21 - Margins

Today's Baby Steps post (Day 21) is about margins and how we either fill them in or fill them up. A good basis for this post would be to read this- about the P31 Woman.

I’m an “ish” woman – and that means I look at time within the frame of margins and I choose to fill them in – rather than up.

I purposely look at what daily and weekly tasks (making MIP - Make It Priority lists) are necessary for me to accomplish so that I can create sanctuary.

When I make my daily/weekly MIP lists my husband is in the forefront of my thinking. He's my priority.

MY Margins have purpose
I also purposely add to my margins time with priority relationship connections that I enjoy: husband, daughters and their husbands, grandchildren and my community of faith family. Included in my margins is time for a Coffee Talk group and those women I mentor.

Speaking of those I mentor - I don't take time, give time, make time on those women not serious about doing the work it takes to follow Jesus on the Straight Path. That might sound not so nice, but in twenty - five plus years I've learned that there are those women who think they want to follow Jesus, but when there's a close look at what the entails, they don't really. I won't waste time.

ISH Woman
My “ish” means that dinner will be served at 6 ish or it means that I’ll get out the door to go shopping around 10 ish. I do not bind myself to a specific time where I must accomplish a specific task, but what I am aware of are my margins of time where I know that certain tasks or relationship connections need to be accomplished.

When I lock myself in to something like this (and I have):
Make bed – 8:00 am
Make coffee – 8:15 am
Start devotions – 8:20 am
Shower – 8:35 am . . . etc, I’d end up rigid and bark orders because time and task were the priority for accomplishment rather than relationship.

It’s margins that offer me peace, flexibility and a sense of accomplishment where my priorities are people and not task.

BALANCE between people and tasks
When there is the balance between caring for people and accomplishing tasks, I find that I end up doing just what is necessary for the day – without feeling overwhelmed.

My “to do” list and my “schedule” is NOT rigid but rather it's based on the MIP - Make IT Priority Tasks for the day or the week. In my Simple Home Notebook, I keep a running "to do" list that I'll write about later.

How do you balance people and tasks to create sanctuary? What do you consider your priority task on a daily basis? What are you tackling today?

See you in a day or ish!

Baby Steps - Day 21 - Margins

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/08/baby-steps-day-21-margins_19.html

Baby Steps - Day 20

Moms are busy gals and if they don't know why they're doing what they do, have a plan to do it - they'll not have that necessary centering and will often just spin. Spinning women miss God in the moment.

Just making a big "to do" list or keeping up with menus or other tasks isn't what home keeping is totally about.

If I'm about having everything perfect in my home, then I'll miss the relationship aspect. I'll miss growing in character and I'll miss getting reward. On the other hand, if I'm about neglecting the duties or tasks necessary to create sanctuary, I'll miss growing in character and getting reward too.

On Day 19 I shared a page of my Simple Home Notebook listing out my personal goals (to keep me focused) for my Kitchen Sanctuary. Goals and lists are great but only when they are managed within margins of time.

In my Simple Home Notebook, I wrote: Margins are those spaces where time exists. I have 168 hours a week and 56 of those are supposed to be for sleeping. God’s given me a pattern of work 6 and rest 1.

Next, I wrote: I am the one who designates creativity within my margins. I am the one who must know what tasks are necessary to build my home and create sanctuary. I am the one who must prioritize my tasks (to create sanctuary in my home) and I must take responsibility to prioritize my relationship connections (husband priority, children, grandkiddos, etc.) so that I continue to grow in who I am. I am the one who chooses to live my life on-purpose. I choose.

If I'm so task and list driven then I can miss the moment of love, growth and that touch of God upon my face. Within my tasks and lists, I must allow for spontaneous spaces of interruption where close relationships reign supreme.

What's in your margins today? More on my margins tomorrow.

Baby Steps - Day 20

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/08/baby-steps-day-20.html

Baby Steps to Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper – Day 19

I'm picking up my Baby Step series and today is the 19th day of this series.

The past few Baby Steps have been about using a notebook to help establish and maintain order on the home front. I started my Simple Home Notebook in France and since coming back home to Arizona, I’ve re-written my sections into a new notebook that has lines.

Every woman has to have a plan in order to build her home and stay on purpose. Right? And, what’s the purpose? To create a home that is sanctuary and to leave a (good) legacy that lasts to our family.

I finished writing down the purpose of each serving center which I decided to rename: Sanctuary Space.

I have my Kitchen Sanctuary, Master Bedroom Sanctuary, Master Bath Sanctuary, Dining Room Sanctuary and so on.

Calling the space Sanctuary helps remind me of my goal to create sanctuary in all the space of our home.

On each Sanctuary space page, I’ve written the purpose and my goals for that space.

For example in my Kitchen Sanctuary I wrote these goals:

1. Monday Menu planning – allow room for spontaneity and Tuesday shopping.

Here Amy has grocery saving money tips. Org. Junkie Queen, Laura uses Mondays to inspire women to menu plan and here Toblerone shares her menu planning tip using Google Calendar. I’ve just recently started employing Google Calendar and I LOVE it.

About eighteen years ago I was a fan of once a month cooking, but weekly menu planning works best for me in this season of my life. Rachel writes about Batch Cooking here.

2. Maintain a well stocked and organized pantry.

3. Keep my linen closet neatly organized.

4. Plan, plant and regularly attend to our vegetable garden and incorporate the produce into meals.

5. Organize my recipes and evaluate my present system. I like what Lindsay has done here.

6. Keep my countertops (working space) free of unnecessary stuff. De-clutter, de-clutter and do it again is my mantra.

8. Purge old spices and maintain the alphabetized organization. Maintain the organization in my other storage cupboards.

9. Create beauty at my family table with colorful and delicious food – to have the display as wonderful as the food and the company around the table.

10. Keep it all simple.

Simplify is a running Lylah theme and Lindsay has an excellent post on her Kitchen Simplification process.

As this Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper series just about wraps up, I’d love to hear how it’s been helpful for you to think about creating sanctuary and being on purpose in your home.

Baby Steps to Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper – Day 19

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/08/baby-steps-to-becoming-purposeful-home.html

Baby Steps Day 18 - The Simple Home Planner

Two weeks ago, while in St. Jean de Luz, France, I sat on the beach and began to journal in my Simple Home Planner as part of my Baby Steps to Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper.

On Day 13, I mentioned one of the reasons why it’s good to begin, create and use a Simple Home Planner. The front of the inside says this:

On the first page I wrote this:

Master Stewardship Map

The Big Picture - WHAT I want my home to look like and to be . .

As I journaled - I continued with . . .
A sanctuary of peace and tranquility, yet full of life and joy where good and growing memories are made . . .

A place where yummy meals around the family and friends table are anticipated and remembered . . .

A fragrant place of beauty and order one that is clean (sparkles) and is free of clutter . . .

A place where children and grandchildren can’t wait to come “home” to, friends long to come to and my husband is proud of and knows he’s the king. . .

The next section in my Simple Home Planner is titled

“The Serving Centers of the Ledner Home.”

I like to think of those different areas of a home as a center - a serving center. Our master bedroom serves us - it has a purpose. Our dining room serves us - it has a purpose. The laundry areas serves us and it has a purpose as well. And, as our biblical job description would have it - we have been given the assignment to be the keeper of those centers (Titus 2:3-5)

So, what I've started to do is to list the different serving centers in our home. Then what I've done is to think about and write down what the key purpose of each of those centers is. My reasoning is - if I don't define the purpose - and how it's to function then how will I know if it's fulfilling the purpose then I have to ask myself: will I be as effective as I can be stewarding or managing that center.

Makin' it real . . .
OK, I know to some of you this sounds kooky - but let me tell you - there are SO MANY women in their homes that don't have the first clue about managing the home or keeping it or guarding it.

I meet women - regularly who have never had any training, have limited skill on caring for their homes let alone cooking dinner for their husbands. They waste their time watching TV, spend too much time on the computer, their children are untrained and they rule the roost and desperately need mommy's attention and nurturing.

These moms are lazy, undisciplined, don't do much cooking, keep a filthy, cluttered house - which by the way is so UNHEALTHY and then expect the husband to either come home and do "his share" of keeping the home and to be "happy" with his unkempt, depressed, desperate housewife.

HUH? You're kidding right? Nope, I'm not.

Because I really care for these women and because I take my older woman role seriously and because I want a willing woman who wants to change to GET IT, I wrack my brain how to paint a picture of the reality of our homes and what we'll answer to God for - in a picture-like form with baby steps so that the women I get connected with - to somehow grasp what this home keeping stuff is all about. I am desperate for women - to GET IT - but I can't be more desperate than she is. She has to WANT it and be willing to change - even if it's ONE BABY STEP AT A TIME.

OK, I'm done and off my high horse. Phew. Do I still have friends? I'm sure I have stepped on some toes - oh, well.

Listing the home centers
So, what I've done and I hope you will too is to make a list - in your Simple Home Planner of all the different centers in your home.

Then, really think about and ask God to talk to your soul about HIS purpose for each of those centers. Look at your home differently - look at your home according to God's purposes.

Taking a step back, looking at and evaluating the purpose of the HOME and those spaces/places within the home can help a woman not only clarify what it is she is doing, needs to do and change, but it can help her become more purposeful as a (biblical) Home Keeper.

I’ve started with the Hub of our Home – my favorite place – my kitchen (which by the way, it's the primary place I blog from - but I did get to blog in my head from here the other day!)

I think that the key purpose of any woman’s kitchen (and this is what I wrote down) is:

To prepare and provide daily,

regularly scheduled NUTRITIOUS meals to the family

and to be ready to provide the same for others

through a heart of hospitality.

Then, I wrote these thoughts about this serving center:

It’s the center where LIFE flows in and out of most.

It’s the center – that will center me.

It’s the place/space where I plan, prepare, pray and play (I needed a ‘p’ word for create).

It’s my key center of service to my family and to others.

After writing that (above) I wrote the word “functionality” and penned this:

The functionality of a woman’s kitchen (MINE)

and how it’s set up and

with what kind of simple equipment will partly

determine how I will carry out its purpose.

Attitude is everything.

How my mindset is toward ANY Serving Center will all be a determining factor in WHAT the center ends up looking like.

I don’t think the P31 Woman could have had a “bad” or attitude of indifference and been “like a merchant ship bringing her food from afar and getting up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household AND plan the day’s work for her servant girls - OR-my words – planning how to train her daughters to love serving from the kitchen.”

What are the attitudes - in regards to THIS Serving Center that please God?

Baby Steps Day 18 - The Simple Home Planner

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-steps-day-16-simple-home-planner.html

Baby Steps – Day 17 - an army of femininity

Yesterday I spent time with Kristy and my three grandkiddos. We chatted about all sorts of wonderful womanly and homey things. She shared some super cool ideas that she and her husband Simon put together to train their three year old daughter, Mia at the family table. It was such good stuff that I've asked her to grace and gift me by being a guest and write a post on this experience. She said YES! I can't wait . . .you'll love it.

So, today is Baby Steps Day 17 and I'm taking a bit of a different direction as I've been thinking that sometimes I’m this lone woman ranger standing on my soap box tooting a silent horn. When the horn being tooted seems so contradictory to the culture – not just the secular one but the “religious” one that calls itself Christian and says it follows what Jesus says to do and
yet it seems like something different.

God is clear on what loving Him looks like. He says that If you love me - do what I say. How we do relationships with Him and others – in the community, in the church and in the family reveals where we're really at. Of course, we're NOT perfected in this, but we've got to be in process with some real fruit being revealed. What IS the fruit in your life?

I'm called to walk in obedience to live - I say LIVE the Bible - do the Bible. Principles for women to live are all over the place in the Book.

I'm called to be a HELPMEET and RESPECT and SUBMIT and KEEP MY HOME. Let's just start with those Big Four. What's YOUR attitude toward those? If your home is a mess - then that's a good guage of your attitude. If you don't have a meal planned for dinner tonight to bless your husband, then that's a good guage of your attitude.

OK, I know I’m stomping on feminist thinking toes here and I’ll might get a nasty note or two from that statement, but sometimes I have this momentary weariness UNTIL a fresh wind blows away because I find out that I am NOT alone!

There is an army of feminine women returning to the Centered Life (post coming) – returning to understand what it means to be a Purposeful Home Keeper. This gentle army of women are those who are tired of the way it’s going – because it’s NOT working. Many of these women have NEVER been trained, but their hearts are crying out for truth and help so that they can leave a legacy of doing life God’s way.

Today, I visited with my friend Stephanie – she lives in Canada. Well, I actually popped on over to her Keeper of the Home space and devoured this post that she’d written this week. I love this wind today.

I then visited GirlTalk – from where she was inspired and went here where they’ve written:

Twentieth century British author G.K. Chesterton has liberating insight for all homemakers who feel pressure to excel in something besides homemaking. In an essay entitled “The Emancipation of Domesticity” he observed that woman is a “general overseer” in the home, and as such, she must be able to do many things well—she shouldn't have to worry about being "the best" at something.

“In other words, there must be in every center of humanity one human being upon a larger plan; one who does not "give her best," but gives her all…..

The woman is expected to cook: not to excel in cooking, but to cook; to cook better than her husband who is earning [a living] by lecturing on botany or breaking stones….the woman is expected to tell tales to the children, not original and artistic tales, but tales--better tales than would probably be told by a first-class cook.

But she cannot be expected to endure anything like this universal duty if she is also to endure the direct cruelty of competitive or bureaucratic toil. Woman must be a cook, but not a competitive cook; a school mistress, but not a competitive schoolmistress; a house-decorator but not a competitive house-decorator; a dressmaker, but not a competitive dressmaker. She should have not one trade but twenty hobbies; she, unlike the man, may develop all her second bests.
This is what has been really aimed at from the first in what is called the seclusion, or even the oppression, of women. Women were not kept at home in order to keep them narrow; on the contrary, they were kept at home in order to keep them broad” (emphasis mine).

My fellow homemakers, let’s embrace the “larger plan” ordained by our Creator. Let’s not worry about being the best, but eagerly give our all to the broad calling of serving in the home. END of quote.

Oh, today the wind is sweet . . . very sweet and I return to my Centering Place and the Love of My life in four days. Need any past baby steps? Go here for full review.

Baby Steps – Day 17 - an army of femininity

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-steps-day-17-army-of-femininity.html

Baby Steps Day 15 - continues . . .

Monday and a sunny day in Spain (it's been rainy lately) tempts me outside and onward. I'd intended to post a new and exciting and challenging and . . . (any other adjectives that come to mind) Baby Steps today and after wrestling and writing this post on my MOMS Help 911 series, I'm thinking that it should be considered Baby Steps Day 15 - so - therefore - go here.

I think I'll head to France as my Europe days are winding to an end . . .

Baby Steps Day 15 - continues . . .

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-steps-day-15-continues.html

a mom's advice on becoming frugal

With the days of uncertainty ahead and the world economy held in a shaky balance, I believe that today's home keeper MUST become a frugal one - a creative, purposeful and biblical one.

That word "frugal" means: thrifty, prudent, economical, sparing, careful, penny-wise, penny pinching, tight, meager.

So, how does a modern woman become creatively, purposefully and biblically frugal?

Follow along with my line of reasoning:
God says home keeping is part of the woman's role. Review the P31 Woman.
The heart of the home is the woman. She sets the tone and the atmosphere.

Being frugal (wise) or being not frugal (foolish) is a way to build the home or tear it down. Frugality, then, is a condition of the heart.

Frugality - is revealed in just about all areas of a woman's life - her time (how she spends it), her money (how she spends it), her emotions (how she spends them).

What you give your time to reveals the issues of your heart.
TV, computer, reading, idle-ness, pampering yourself - OVER board?

What you spend money on reveals the issues of your heart.
Do you have unused left overs in your refrigerator? Do you keep buying "stuff" because you can't find the "stuff" you're looking for - because the "stuff" is in the back of some closet that is over crowded with unnecessary "stuff."

What you spend your emotions on reveals the issues of your heart.
Anger, unnecessary causes, jealousy, bitterness over the past, being stuck in shame, unrealistic expectations toward husband, playing the martyr role - you name it....

The condition of a woman's home reveals the issues in her heart. Sometimes when a woman starts in the exterior aspects of the home - those internal heart issues can self-correct. Sometimes though, an older woman is needed to come along side and walk with that "stuck" woman - to disciple her through those "growth" areas.

My Advice?
Since, the kitchen is the hub of your home - start in the hub.

First: Go clean your sink. Wash all your dishes and put them all away. Wash your counters, scrub your stove and the outside of your refrigerator.

Next: Clean out your refrigerator - get rid of anything expired. Then take out the garbage.

Then: Make a list of all the canned goods in your cupboards, and the food in your freezer and refrigerator.

Then: Go to recipes.com and find a recipe and start making something for dinner.

Then: Set your table - make it pretty with whatever you have. Use little kitchen towels as place mats if you don't have any...but bring out the best you have...and find some fresh floral greenery of anything outside and set it in a glass and make it your centerpiece. The table has power!

Then: Smile, thank God and ask Him to help you become a Frugal Hearted Woman who pleases Him.

Then: Go here and start reading my series.

a mom's advice on becoming frugal

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/07/moms-advice-on-becoming-frugal.html

Baby Steps Day 14 –Fantastic Review

Baby Steps Day 14 –Fantastic Review

There are many beautiful blogging babes that write wonderful posts on how to be organized, how to clean the home, how to menu plan, how to schedule the day….and so many are awesome!
My approach to this whole subject of home keeping and food and cleaning and order and schedules is to look at the BIGGER PICTURE: not just the home stuff but the heart stuff too.

The goal in this is NOT to just keep the home, make great meals, have obedient children and a great schedule that would make any soccer mom sweat – it IS to live with The Simple Home Principles and to CREATE SANCTUARY.

I’ve been building – taking baby steps with this subject. I’ve been trying to create a picture – a BIG PICTURE – to encourage you to look at the why of what you get to do in an attempt to stir you up to evaluate some of your what.

Today, I want to take a second look at the building material I use and have been encouraging you to use too. God calls us home builders (Proverbs 14:1). We can be wise or foolish. Let’s be wise and review together.

Step 1 – The Key Point:
Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper has everything to do with our attitudes,what we value and what we think about marriage, being moms and the value we give in taking care of our homes. Those heart issues determine how we become on-purpose home keepers who delight in the home, managing it well and stewarding the gift of time.

Creating sanctuary isn't just about the task of keeping an orderly home or having a meal planned and prepared. It's about those tasks (responsibilities) AND the relationships.


Step 2 – The Key Point:
Evaluating Sanctuary Robbers

Step 3 – The Key Point:
The marriage and it’s relationship to Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper.

Step 4 – The Key Point:
The Home – to be a place set apart.
AHHH . . . wouldn’t it be nice to have some order and peace in the home?
Chaos and confusion tear a home down.
The concept of applying the Simple Home Principles.

Step 5 – The Key Point:
My e-book give away :-)

Step 6 – The Key Point:
My attitude and steps and the A (assess) B (become Biblical) C’s (Character over Convenience) of rebuilding my home front.

Step 7 – The Key Point:
This Baby Step topic addresses one more reason why a woman would want to become purposeful as a home keeper – reap reward as a home keeper and find joy as a home keeper so that sanctuary can be created.

Step 8 – The Key Point:
THIS subject has to do with your man's vision and how to get behind a man who seems as if he has no (clarified) vision.

Step 9 – The Key Point:
Becoming a Master Builder - Things to Think About When Building a Home and how a woman can build her home and how she can tear it down with those sanctuary robbers.

Step 10 – The Key Point:
What I want is for women to think about building a home, creating sanctuary in the home and then managing the Simple Home.

Becoming a purposeful home keeper is what we’re after and using the 8 P31 Principles are key steps to begin to build, to create and to learn to (daily) manage.

Step 11 – The Key Point:
Think about WHAT you want your home to "look" like - orderly, clean, peaceful, good (and nutritious) smells from the kitchen, restful in the (master) bedroom, comfortable?

Think about all the things that are important to you and important to your husband. What has he said or perhaps made little comments about (the home) that you know are important to him?

Step 12 – The Key Point:
I’ve always taken advantage to learn from older women who discipled,/mentored me and who where womanly role models.

There’s one gal in particular that I put toward the top of my mentor/role model list. She’s the one whose husband had a lot of confidence in her (it says she enriched his life) and she’s the one who knew the secret to battle fear – work hard and laugh at the future.

This gal’s story is written in just about the middle of my Holy Book. Her name is Mrs. P31 Woman. She was an on-purpose home keeper. She was clear on WHAT she wanted her home to be like and how she wanted to manage her home. She knew what it would take to have her household run smoothly. She was a CENTERED WOMAN and she was purposeful in attending to the affairs of her home. I truly believe that her heart of honor toward her husband was center in her being such an amazing woman.

Step 13 – The Key Point
Time frames come packaged for us in years, seasons, months, weeks, days, hours and minutes. Learning from one woman’s use of time.

I believe that every Purposeful Home Keeper needs to create a Simple Home Planner that has this theme (or something like it) on the cover:

The Simple Home ~ Keep it Simple, Make it Simple and Simplify.

Baby Steps will be back on Monday - I'm headed to France again - on Friday. But, if you're serious about Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper who builds and creates sanctuary using the Simple Home Principles and the P31 Woman Principles (more on those days to come days) . . .you've got some good review for the next two days. Have a great weekend - see you Monday.

I do promise to post my France pics from Wednesday - later on today. It was wonderful!

Day 16 - The Key Point

Creating a Simple Home Planner

Day17 - The Key Point

There IS an army of feminine women returning to the place that Centers a woman!

Baby Steps Day 14 –Fantastic Review

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-steps-day-14-fantastic-review.html

Baby Steps - Day 13

We're beginning to turn a corner to wrap up this series on Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper and today's Day 13 Baby Steps subject has to do with the Gift of Time.

Attending to the affairs (the WHAT) of our homes requires us to be wise in how we manage the gift of time. Like many women, I have to constantly evaluate my usage of this gift. We’re only given so much time and only so much strength and grace within the frame of time to accomplish what it is that God wants us to accomplish.

Thinking About The Gift
Time frames come packaged for us in years, seasons, months, weeks, days, hours and minutes. King Solomon wrote that there is a time for everything and a season for everything activity under the heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1). We’re never promised tomorrow. We’re told to redeem the time. We must be wise with the gift.

The eternal God Himself worked within a frame of time. He worked to create for six days and then on the seventh day He rested from the work. So, in becoming on purpose as a home keeper we would do well to follow God’s pattern of work and rest. Work six days and rest one day.

One Woman's Wise Use of Time
Mrs. P 31 Woman surely had to be wise with her time. I can’t help but think she had some sort of “planner” to guide her in managing her home. She definitely understood the season and time of things. She had her priorities in order.

Creating a Simple Home Planner
I believe that every Purposeful Home Keeper needs to create a Simple Home Planner that has this theme (or something like it) on the cover:

The Simple Home ~ Keep it Simple, Make it Simple and Simplify.

Why? Mainly so you don’t miss God in the hidden moments of life because you’re too busy, too taxed and too grumpy AND because you don’t want to get to the END of your life and have regrets.

Then inside The Simple Home Notebook I’d put some major sections such as:
A Master Stewardship Map
This map describes the BIG picture – where you write down:
WHAT you want your home to look like (this will be the vision you have)
HOW you plan to fulfill what you're after (this will be like a "task" section)
WHEN you plan to “do that” (this will be your margins section)

A Master Stewardship Journal

In this section you'd list all the centers (areas) of your home front. I’d give each center a page or two.

a. Kitchen - I'd start organizing and clarifying this center because it’s the hub of the home. Life in the home flows into and out of what YOU do in your kitchen. Of all the places to START organizing – I’d say it’s the kitchen.

b. Master Bedroom – The second zone I’d work on de-cluttering and beautifying is this zone. This center is often the most neglected or the one to be on the last of the “list” of getting to. How often are we guilty of piling laundry, and misc. stuff in our places where love and hearts are touched at intimate levels that only the angels see?

c. Laundry Room - This could be any working center that supports the needs of the family.

d. Living Room

e. Bath Room

f. Other Bedrooms

A Master Stewardship Agenda or Calendar
This section would be for your daily, weekly, monthly and seasonal center responsibilities. I'll talk about this more later.

As you take baby steps forward – reconsider your margin or time robbers? What are you weak points? Where do you get tempted to waste the gift of time? Get a girl friend and get some accountability.

See you Wednesday from Basque Country. I’m off to France and to Henriet’s Chocolate Factory . . . the best chocolate ever!

Baby Steps - Day 13

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-steps-day-13.html

Baby Steps - Day 12

It's day 12 of our Baby Steps to Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper.

I’ve always taken advantage to learn from older women who discipled,/mentored me and who where womanly role models.

Along my life’s journey, I’ve taken lots of little tid bits from different women I’ve been privileged to be close to. Sandy (my mom), Nancy, Muriel, Edna (the neighborhood lady on Marshall Street – in Lancaster, PA – when I was a five year old), Ruth (my grandma), Dorothy (my grandmother) are just a few of the women who’ve spoken into my heart.

I would always ask them questions like: What do you do? How do you do it? When do you do it? How have you created sanctuary? I’d want to know about their successes and I’d want to learn from their failures. I’d ask what they believed was the most important thing a woman should know in being a wife, mother and home keeper.

I gave older women a place of honor to teach me. I think having an attitude of “I don’t have it all together and I want to be humble and learn” has been a mantra – especially in the area of my marriage and my mothering and my home keeping skills.

Because I’m more of a random kind of spontaneous type of nature, I have benefited from their input to help me create structure and order – so that sanctuary could be understood and created.

Gorgeous gals like Esther (she was married to a mega-maniac), Ruth (she listened and followed the instruction of the older, wiser woman in her life), Abigail, Sarah, Mary, Martha (she received correction with humility) and a few others bless me by the examples of their lives.

There’s one gal in particular that I put toward the top of my mentor/role model list. She’s the one whose husband had a lot of confidence in her (it says she enriched his life) and she’s the one who knew the secret to battle fear – work hard and laugh at the future.

This gal’s story is written in just about the middle of my Holy Book. Her name is Mrs. P31 Woman. She was an on-purpose home keeper.

She was clear on WHAT she wanted her home to be like and how she wanted to manage her home. She knew what it would take to have her household run smoothly.

She was a CENTERED WOMAN and she was purposeful in attending to the affairs of her home. I truly believe that her heart of honor toward her husband was center in her being such an amazing woman.

Like the P31 Woman your WHAT will define the affairs you attend to in your home. I hope you listed your WHAT. If not, please do so today.

Today’s homework is for you make a cup of tea or coffee and travel back in time and sit down with Mrs. P31 and consider her WHAT, her HOW and her WHEN.

Also, reflect on women you’ve known that you admire – those who you want to learn from. Think about some of their WHAT’s – what you saw – in their homes that were Simple Homes and sanctuary.

I’ll be back to tomorrow (from Spain) and we’ll talk about the gift of TIME.

Baby Steps - Day 12

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-steps-day-12.html

Baby Steps continues . . .

Just a little Baby Steps update - I'm taking a bit of Monday off to head to Bilboa, Spain with daughter Jenni.

Baby Steps - Day 12 will pick up tomorrow - on Tuesday where we'll talk about these three P 31 Home Keeping Principles (found in Proverbs 31):
1. She attends to the affairs of her home.
2. She must be wise about how she uses the gift of time.
3. She takes care of herself so that she can take care of her husband and family and helpers.

Until then - enjoy a view of one of Basque Country's beautiful beaches.

Taken last week.

Baby Steps continues . . .

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-steps-continues.html

Baby Steps - Day 11

Today is another Baby Step toward Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper - one who builds her home, keeps it, creates sanctuary in her home and then one who learns and applies skill to (daily) steward or manage the Simple Home.

If you and I are going to be building, keeping, creating and managing (stewarding) our homes on a daily basis, we need to first think through the WHAT then look at the HOW then the WHEN.

Think about WHAT you want your home to "look" like - orderly, clean, peaceful, good (and nutritious) smells from the kitchen, restful in the (master) bedroom, comfortable? Think about all the things that are important to you and important to your husband. What has he said or perhaps made little comments about (the home) that you know are important to him?

My husband isn't particularly inclined to notice the aesthetics of our home first (he's an auditory learner) but what he has expressed is his love for Italian food. He could eat my Italian cooking almost every day. Another thing that I know Michael enjoys is eating together. We have developed the good habit with consistantly eating and enjoying and fellowshipping over food at the table.

By the way - for moms of little ones, the table is the place where they learn good table manners (like chewing with mouths closed, saying please and thank you and asking to be excused) and it's the place where they watch parental interraction of love and respect.

There are other things that I know (because I am a student of my husband) that he needs to be able to think and have forward movement with the vision he has for his family. Those things are a home that has a sense of peace. Because he is a musician, I've learned that certain kinds of music are pleasant and others are not. The noise level or the distraction level can also be a factor.

What I do or say "yes" to within or without of my home will inevitably affect my husband. It's the same with you. I have learned to guard my time - because that guards my energy and emotion and thus - that affects my husband. I have learned to say "no" - can't do to a lot of things - just so I can be the keeper of the home. What do you say "yes" to that perhaps you need to reconsider? What takes depletes your emotional cup?

Some Gentle Reminders
Re-reading Day 7 might be helpful as we move on and if you didn't complete Day 6's assignment go back there and consider: do the choices I make bless my husband or are they a burden to him?

In Day 4, I wrote: God gave us the job of being the home keeper. That word originally (in the Greek) meant to be a home worker. I recently read that the home was once described as a ….place apart….a walled garden….in which certain virtues too easily crushed by modern life could be preserved.

Two Assignments
So, for today, take time to make a list of the WHAT - what do you want your home to look like. Write down everything you can think about.

Then ask your husband what it is he needs or would like to see different in the home - those things you could do that would show him you care about his needs and show him respect. (Those things might be: having a meal ready when he arrives home at night, not have a messy, dirty house, having the bed made, not greeting him at the door while being on the phone or the computer, no "funky" house smells (spoiled food, dirty diapers, sour stuff in sinks), a pleasant - joyful and thankful wife - not one who is contentious or nagging or complaining or who 'dumps' the kids on him as he walks in the door, etc.)

I do recognize that there are some wives who have difficult marriages and to ask a husband a question like that will only add to some pain. So, if that's you - instead - evalute what you think he might say - become a student of your husband and think about the things he needs.

See you tommorrow - from Basque Country - San Sebastian, Spain.

Baby Steps - Day 11

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/06/baby-steps-day-11.html

Baby Steps to Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper - Day 10

Baby Steps to Becoming Purposeful as a Home Keeper - Day 10. Here's some good stuff from Day 9, Day 8, Day 7 and Day 3

There’s so much buzz around blogging world about routine and schedules and what to do when. It’s all good, but unless a woman understands and appreciates some of the reasons and benefits behind establishing some good home front routines, it has the potential to end up being just another chore.

What I want is for women to think about building a home, creating sanctuary in the home and then managing the Simple Home.

Becoming a purposeful home keeper is what we’re after and using the 8 P31 Principles are key steps to begin to build, to create and to learn to (daily) manage.

The P31 Woman knew she was a woman of honor and it’s women who know who they are, whose they are, where they’re going and understand the heart (the motive) behind building, creating and managing the Simple Home.

Look again and evaluate where you’re at with these P31 Principles for building, creating and managing:

1. She attends to the affairs of her home.
2. She must be wise about how she uses the gift of time.
3. She takes care of herself so that she can take care of her husband and family and helpers.
4. She is a woman of integrity – her husband trusts in her. His heart trusts in her. A woman who doesn’t understand the position of authority her husband has won't show respect to her him and a man not respected won't trust his wife. He’ll tend to always be on guard.
5. She thinks through the day and she sees that she’s gained from her work and that it’s good.
6. She’s other-centered.
7. She’s not afraid of the future.
8. She’s industrious.

Take some time with the Lord and ask him to show you your heart attitude towards these. I'm in Basque Country - overcoming jet lag, enjoying our daugher Jenni and two grandkiddos: Jillian and Miriam. I'm also lacking my only suitcase....for some reason it's lost, mia, nada. I'm sure there will be some blogging lessons on this one too.

Thanks for all the comments - posted and emailed. I love them!

Baby Steps to Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper - Day 10

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/06/baby-steps-to-becoming-purposeful-as.html

Baby Steps - Day 9 - Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper

In my series on Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper, I'm hoping that I've stirred your heart to actually make some heart attitude assessments in your roles on the home front.

Those different roles being:
the one responsible to create sanctuary in the home
the one responsible to show unconditional respect toward the husband and learn how to get behind him in support of his vision
training your children
establishing peace and order

Becoming a Master Builder - Things to Think About When Building a Home

Today, I want to turn the corner and begin to look at how a woman can build her home and how she can tear it down with those sanctuary robbers.

I love the story about the first marriage in the Garden scene in the beginning of the Bible.

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and while he slept, He took one of his ribs or a part of his side and closed up the place with flesh. And the rib or part of his side which the LORD God had taken from the man He built up and made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

God built women with a special purpose in mind. She has ability to do some things that man will never do. God BUILT her with an innate power of influence. By the very hand of God, she was designed to stand face to face to her man—as his support, lover and companion. She was designed to speak life-giving words to her husband’s soul.

It’s interesting - God built the woman. Read my other thought on how God built girls here.

Another place in the Bible that mentions building is in Proverbs 14:1. It says that a wise woman who builds her own home and the foolish woman tears it down.

Building something requires tools.

Building something and having it last requires a plan.

Building something requires vision for what the end product might look like.

Building something takes time and it is methodically accomplished.

Building something requires having the ability to think clearly and follow instructions.

Think about this: what are some of the tools that a wise woman uses to build her home?

There is honor in the home that has order.

Check out the woman in Proverbs 31.
She had a home of honor – because she was a woman of honor. Her worth was above rubies, pearls, and diamonds. And, when you evaluate what her home looked like (the food she prepared, the clothing she provided, the gardening she did and her little business she ran, etc.), you can see the attitude of her heart and you must come to understand that she managed her time margins well. She "looked well the ways of her household and all the days of her life she does her husband good."

As I look at her life, I see 8 Key P-31 Principles for any woman who wants to build her home to apply.

She attends to the affairs of her home.
She must be wise about how she uses the gift of time.
She takes care of herself so that she can take care of her husband and family and helpers.
She is a woman of integrity – her husband trusts in her. His heart trust in her. A woman who doesn’t understand the position of authority her husband has won't show respect to her him and a man not respected won't trust his wife. He’ll tend to always be on guard.
She thinks through the day and she sees that she’s gained from her work and that it’s good.
She’s other-centered.
She’s not afraid of the future.
She’s industrious.

Here’s your homework for the day:
What are some tools that a wise woman could use to build her home?
Describe what a home of "order" might look like?
Describe what a home that is a "sanctuary" might look like? And, what do you need to do to bring that sense of "sanctuary" into your home?

List 5 ways you can tear her house down?

The word "keeper" in the Greek means, "to guard." Awareness, strategy, and care along with wisdom are needed for a woman today.

List some ways you "keep" your home now. For more clean and fresh ideas visit here.

See you tomorrow – from London!

Baby Steps - Day 9 - Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/06/baby-steps-day-9-becoming-purposeful.html

Baby Steps - Day 8 - Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper

This isn't what I was going to post today for Baby Steps - Day 8. I had some planning and big picture stuff in mind, but I know because of the emails I've gotten with THIS questions about THIS subject that THIS is what God wants me to address.

THIS subject has to do with your man's vision and how to get behind a man who seems as if he has no (clarified) vision. In addressing THIS subject, I'll do so by posting the (partial) response I gave to one darling wife. Her name, of course, is fictitious.

Hi lovely Darlene ~

Thanks so much for your tender email. You're not the first woman to ask THIS question and so I've decided to respond to you (via your email) and post my response here so that other women can be encouraged to do what you're doing.

What to does a wife do when a man seems as if he has no vision? Good question.

Since God wired the woman to be the queen of her home and to be the key influencer in the life of her husband and since he wired men to be visionaries, piercing the darkness, warriors, leaders, protectors and the king of the home - it stands to reason that God wants to use the good thing (he who finds a wife finds a good thing - Proverbs) - this man's wife - as a vessel and in partnership with Him - to stir up new passion - be the wind underneath her his wings - be the one who wipes the sweat off his brow and be his companion, complementer and lover like none other so that he can discover the vision that's deep in his masculine soul.

It's not that a man has NO vision - it's that he has to discover it. Often God will use the "thing" closest to the heart of a man (remember God took a rib of the man - and made woman and think about a rib as the thing that protects the heart) to build the man up so that he can discover, own and implement his God-vision. He has one - it's just deep down inside his shut down soul. He has to discover it - within Sanctuary.

Good stuff so far, right? :-)

Since every woman has a power of influence, the question then becomes how does she partner with God in using that power of influence so that her mighty man in the making can discover the vision of God that's deep in his soul and then clarify it and communicate it to his wife.

How do we use our power of influence to this mighty man in the making?

How does a woman get behind a man who seems to have lost a sense of direction and has no vision.

First - the woman prays - I've attached a gift copy of my book - Power Prayers for Your Mighty Man for you to use as a guide as you pray. And she asks God to specifically show her - what the stuck place IS in the soul of her man.

Men - good men - seem so drained of life, often appear passive and stuck today. But, God knows exactly what's going on in the masculine soul of this mighty man (of yours) in the making.

As you get quiet (and pray), God will show you - not so that you can bring it up to him in words - but so you can bring it up in prayer before a mighty God who is BIG in your husband!

There's something awfully powerful when a wife puts on her bridal combat boots, storms the heavens and communes with an Almighty God on behalf of his mighty man - her husband.

Next - begin to partner with God in prayer exactly over that stuck place. Make it a daily point of communion with God. Don't let up, be like the woman who begged for a crumb of bread.

Stuck places are generally those where he's discouraged and feels hopeless and for some reason he's measured himself with the yardstick against other men.

In the book I've gifted you - you will find some very specific prayers for these areas. Use that book, walk about in your house and cry out - before a God who wants your husband to discover and own and walk out his vision more than you do.

Then next - think about your husband and what a good man he is. Get out a sheet of paper and write down all the things that you are so thankful for him for. EVERYTHING you can think of - write it down. Write down those character qualities that are good - loyal, faithful, respectable, etc.

Then, what I want you to do is to take that list and thank God for this man and those things.

This next part is going to challenge you, but it all has to do with you partnering with God so that your man can discover that hidden vision.

From this point on - don't tell him what to do OR how to do it. I really mean this. You probably don't realize how often you tell him what to do or how to do things. Become aware of the ways you do this and it's called mothering. He already has one of those and you want to be his lover - you can't be both.

So for the next three months - begin to do nothing but affirm your man. Affirm him up one side and down the other. Let him know what a good man he is. Thank him for choosing you. Tell him how proud you are of him. Let him know that you are so thankful that you get to do life with him.

Affirm him TONS in front of your children, brag about him in front of EVERYBODY. Make it a daily discipline.

Then add to your prayers - specifically that God would begin to show him clearly what his vision is for his family.

DO NOT - say anything about this to him. Just pray. Ask God to even put a fire in his belly as to vision. Ask God to put other Godly men in his life who talk about vision. Got it?

Ask God to show you how you've disrespected him. Repent of that.

Now ask your darling mighty man in the making to be honest with you and tell you the ways - big or little the ways in which he feels disrespected by you. Ouch...this will hurt. Because he's so shut down, he might just say - there are none. Let him know that you know there are and you really want to know - so you can change and grow and become the wife God knows he needs and that you don't want to get to the end of your life having regret in your marriage with him. Tell him to think about it and if he wants he can write it down and give you a list.

Do NOT . . . I repeat do NOT get defensive...which is our tendency when we feel the wound of truth. Take to heart each thing he says - thank him for the list - go to God with the list and then come back to him - when your heart is sincere and ask his forgiveness. Guess what? I've done this and it's a huge step of freedom for him and for you.

Then, ask him to nudge you in the moment when you do or say something that feels as if you are disrespecting him.

The whole point in this is that a man who seems to have no vision is a man who is shut down and walks around feeling worthless because he's not been affirmed in his masculinity by the woman he chose (or because some other woman criticized him) and, because there has been a pattern of disrespect on the home front - not your intent.

See, we're all going to answer to God on That Day (the Judgment Seat of Christ ) for how we lived our life here. As wives, we'll answer for how we followed, supported, submitted and respected. Now is the time to write a new ending.

Next - after a few weeks or a month of you practicing adoring him, affirming him, wiping his brow (I hope you know what I mean by this) and all the other things a wife can do to fill his love cup of RESPECT up (cook his favorite meals, put clean sheets on the bed weekly, be there mentally for him when he wants to embrace you sexually, bring order to your home, clean up the clutter, train the kids to respect him by modeling it, not make buying decisions that you know will add a burden on him, etc.) THEN....you can go to the next step.

The next step is - to tell him you want to get behind his vision for the family. Let him know you've been praying that God would show him clearly what his vision is and that you want to support him in this - mainly by praying and THEN ask him HOW YOU CAN PRAY. Don't ask him - yet - what his vision is. Just leave it at that.

Continue to be faithful in this . . . it's possibly a six month process before you get to this last next step.

Men need time to be open to even think about vision. But, when you partner with God in Creating Sanctuary with Simple Home principles - and by creating that platform of respect and affirmation - he'll begin to hear God. And - in time - probably sooner than you think - your might man - will let you know what the vision for his family is.

Write me in six months. OK? Blessings ~ Lylah

Here's Day 7 and Day 6 and Day 4 and Day 3.

Baby Steps - Day 8 - Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/06/baby-steps-day-8-becoming-purposeful.html