Tuesday, January 08, 2008

What's a Wife? Cultural or Biblical? Part Two in a Series

So much for posting as often as I thought on this subject. I'm so thankful for the gentle nudge from Single Godly Mom. Thanks! Here's part one and here's part three.

Now on this subject of biblical or cultural brides. . .

What you believe about marriage matters. A Bride has either a worldview filter or a biblical view filter when she enters marriage. Generally, most brides will say that they understand God’s ways for being a wife, but the test of where a woman is really at is revealed around the first year anniversary.

If an older woman hasn’t sat down for a “coffee talk” to explain what a biblical view of marriage looks like, then chances are this young Bride will enter her marriage thinking she’s biblical, when in fact she’s got more cultural ideologies than she realizes.

What you believe about marriage determines your behavior and strategy for living in a healthy or an unhealthy relationship with your husband. If you think that your husband is there to meet and serve you in all your emotional needs (outside of the legitimate ones God designed him to meet) then, that belief system will throw you into a spin cycle of expectations and control and some bitterness.

A wife’s unrealistic expectations of her husband will turn into demands. Demands end up coming across as criticism. Criticism becomes nagging and eventually a husband will withdraw, shut down, and escape mentally in work, hobbies, or even emotional affairs. The wife, will become depressed or bitter.

A worldview filter leads to many problems in the marriage. It becomes quite the mess when a husband and wife have the same ideologies for the marriage relationship. If the filter for “doing marriage” is a world view one, there will be many little “wars” that will wound. Those little “wounding wars” will end up with someone coming to the place of operating in bitterness.

Unfortunately, many of us go into marriage with all kinds of wrong ideas. We don’t know about God’s plan for marriage. We might think we know what marriage is about, but as I said, the reality of a worldview or a biblical one will be tested and will surface about the first year of marriage.

As most couples enter, the marriage relationship having little clue (if any) what God’s Plan is they will often try to impose their own plan (usually self-centered) on their spouse. In time, the plan falls apart. I hope that when the plan falls apart, they do not “get just another plan” but they get God's Plan. God has a plan and His Plan works. This segment of this section is to address what God’s Plan is. Beliefs and philosophies about marriage have to come from His word. Once we understand the Plan, then we get to move toward seeking to fulfill our part of that Plan in our marriage.

God’s Plan is Ultimately about Purpose
God’s plan in the marriage is based on God’s purpose expressed in His word. His ultimate plan is for a husband and a wife to display to a hurting and confused world what the beautiful relationship of Jesus and the Church looks like. My husband calls this the “one-flesh” purpose. God’s heart is that both the husband and the wife move toward fulfilling that “one-flesh” purpose, and in that, He will be glorified.

More coming on part three to What's a Wife? Cultural or Biblical?

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singlemomforgod said...

Gracias Mi Amiga!