There's a bit of tension when it comes to understanding what Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:21.
Is mutual submission possible in marriage? Is that what the text is really saying? Does a man submit mutually to his wife in his marriage like the wife submits to him?
To answer and clarify the confusion, I'm quoting something my husband wrote a few years back and then I'm including the well written article by Wayne Grudem entitled, The Myth of Mutal Submission.
From Michael Ledner:
Yes, mutual submission is possible with 2 people who are equal in position or rank - for example, if you and another General Manager were working on a project together, or if two Generals were working together in the field. But, in the context of Ephesians 5:21, Paul lays out God's order of different ranks and each person's appropriate part in their role.
I believe the most accurate interpretation of Ephesians 5:21 "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." And what follows is this:
Submit = "hupotasso" in the Greek; a compound word which means to rank under or to place under. Use of submit always implies a relationship of submission to a God-ordained authority, having God-ordained responsibility to one another = "some to others" (this article below explains some other passages in which this phrase "to one another" is clearly understood as "some to others") .
Then, what follows Ephesians 5:21 (5:21 - 6:9) explains who are the "some to others".....
wives to husbands (and husbands - you must love your wives...rather than "submit to"
your wives) children to fathers (and fathers- don't exasperate your kids, nurture, instruct...rather than "submit to" your kids), and slaves to masters (and masters - remember who your Master is -- so, don't threaten them... rather than "submit to" your employees)
Husbands, fathers and masters can be and ought to be very understanding, compassionate, kind, merciful, fair and loving without being submissive to those under them in rank.
I believe that this passage need to be interpreted correctly because if it's not - if it's understood as "mutual submission" - then ~
- it brings in much confusion to the home the church and the workplace, and
- the picture of "Christ and the Church" is distorted rather than being clearly displayed to the world.
by Wayne Grudem, Ph.D.Dr. Grudem holds degrees from Harvard, Westminster Theological Seminary, and Cambridge University. Prof. of Biblical and Systematic TheologyTrinity International University, Deerfield, ILThe Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood847-573-8210, email@example.com,http://www.cbmw.org
How do egalitarians avoid the force of Ephesians 5:22, Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord ? Easy: they just look at verse 21, which says, Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Then they say, Of course wives are to be subject to their husbands, but husbands are also to be subject to their wives.
The result is what they call mutual submission, and in their view that means that there is no unique authority or leadership role for the husband in a marriage. They redefine 'submission to mean something like considerateness, thoughtfulness, an attitude of love toward one another, putting the other person's interests above your own.
Of course no one can object to the ideas of mutual considerateness, thoughtfulness, and love! These are clearly taught in the New Testament. But are these ideas what this verse, Ephesians 5:21, really means? I do not think so. In fact, I think that the whole idea of mutual submission as an interpretation of be subject to one another in Ephesians 5:21 is a terribly mistaken idea.
Look at how this word is used elsewhere in the New Testament:
Here is the point: None of these relationships are ever reversed. Husbands are never told to be subject (hypotasso) to wives, nor the government to citizens, nor masters to servants, nor the disciples to demons. Clearly parents are never told to be subject to their children! In fact, the term hypotasso is used outside the NT to describe the submission and obedience of soldiers in an army to those of superior rank (see, for example, Josephus, War 2.566, 578; 5.309; compare the adverb in 1 Clement 37:2). The Liddell-Scott-Jones Lexicon even defines hypotasso [passive] to mean be obedient (p. 1897).
Of course, the exact form submission takes, the way it works out in practice, will vary greatly as it applies to soldiers, to children, to servants, to the church, and to wives. Within a healthy Christian marriage, there will be large elements of mutual consultation and seeking of wisdom, and most decisions will come by consensus between husband and wife.
For a wife to be submissive to her husband will probably not often involve obeying actual commands or directives (though it will sometimes include this), for a husband may rather give requests and seek advice and discussion about the course of action to be followed (compare Phlm. 8-9). This is probably why Paul used the broader term be subject to when speaking to wives, rather than the specific word obey (hypakouo) , which he used for children (6:1) and for servants (6:5).
Nevertheless, a wife's attitude of submission to her husband's authority will be reflected in numerous words and actions each day which reflect deference to his leadership and an acknowledgment of his final responsibility-after discussion has occurred, where possible-to make decisions affecting the whole family.
But in spite of all these different forms of submission, one thing remains constant in every use of the word: it is never mutual in its force; it is always one-directional in its reference to submission to an authority.
So my question is this: Why should we give hypotasso a meaning in Ephesians 5:21 which it is nowhere else shown to have? But if hypotasso always means be subject to an authority, then it is certainly a misunderstanding of Ephesians 5:21 to say it implies mutual submission.
2. The rest of the context
Similarly, parents and children aren't told to practice mutual submission, but children are to be subject to ( obey ) their parents (Eph. 6:1-3), and servants are told to be subject to ( obey ) their masters (Eph. 6:5-8).
This clear evidence in the context is why people didn't see mutual submission in Ephesians 5:21 until feminist pressures in our culture led people to look for a way to avoid the force of Ephesians 5:22, Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord.
3. The absence of any command for husbands to submit to wives:
The command that a husband should be subject to his wife would have been startling in an ancient male-dominated culture. Therefore, if the New Testament writers thought that Christian marriage required husbands to submit to their wives, they would have had to say that very clearly in their writings-otherwise, no early Christians would have ever known that that was what they should do!
4. The meaning of one another:
But here is the crucial mistake:
For example, in Revelation 6:4, so that men should slay one another means so that some would kill others (not so that every person would kill every other person, or so that every persons being killed would 'mutually' kill those who were killing them, which would make no sense!).
There are many other examples where the word simply cannot mean that everyone does something to everyone else, because the sense of the context simply won't allow that meaning (see Matt. 24:10; Luke 2:15; 12:1; 24:32; etc.). In these verses allelous means, some to others. (The KJV often translated these passages, one to another or one for another, as in 1 Corinthians 11:33, When ye come together to eat, tarry one for another. Following this pattern, the KJV translated Ephesians 5:21, submitting yourselves one to another. )
Therefore, it is not mutual submission, but submission to appropriate authorities, which Paul is commanding in Ephesians 5:21. The idea of mutual submission in this passage is just a myth-widely believed, perhaps, but still a myth.
Is this important? Just ask yourself how important the idea of submission to authority is in the New Testament. If hypotasso can be emptied of any idea of submission to authority, the New Testament's ability to speak to our lives will be significantly impeded. This egalitarian misunderstanding of Ephesians 5:21 carries with it a very large price.
Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood - Board of Reference includes:John MacArthur Jr., D.D., President of The Master's College and SeminaryCharles Kelley, Ph.D. President New Orleans Baptist Theological SeminaryD. James, Kennedy, D.D., Ph.D., Pastor Coral Ridge Presbyterian ChurchR. Albert Mohler, Jr. Ph.D. President of Southern Baptist Theological SeminaryJ.I. Packer, Ph.D. Author, internationally recognized Biblical scholarPaige Patterson, Ph.D. President of the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC),and of Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary (SEBTS)Dennis Rainey, President Family Life MinistriesAdrian Rogers, Pastor Bellevue Baptist Church, & past president of the SBCR.C. Sproul, Ph.D., Author, Apologetic Philosopher, Ligonier's Ministries