Friday, August 22, 2008

MOM Help 911 Series

This is an updated repost.

Recently, I've been thinking about this role of mom and how absolutely gloriously wonderful and difficult it can be as well as how hard it can be seemingly with very little reward. As an older mom, in a different season of life, I get to encourage younger moms. This mini -series is called MOM Help 911.

The Non-Perfect MOM
By no means was I or am I the perfect mom, but I have learned some things along the way that I simply want to pass on in hopes of reaching the heart of one mom who wants to create sanctuary on her home front. I'll pass on some of the things I DID DO right and some of the things I've since learned that I ONLY WISH I DID right.

God's Sweetest Challenge to Women
Being a mom is one of God's sweetest and most challenging callings for women. It's being a mom where we discover the true lovely and ugly things about us.

Our children mirror our souls - all the good parts and all the parts we want to hide from - but that get exposed to EVERYONE by our children.

Who we are gets passed on to our children: our fears, our perfectionist tendency's, our respect or lack of to authority (husbands), our independent ways, our love of people, how we serve, how we care and most of all how we love God - value knowing and submitting to His ways above all else.

Pain in Growing Children
In Genesis, God says, that a mother will have pain - not just in bearing her child, but in the life long process of training and growing her legacy - the next generation.

Looking at a MOM'S Inner Life
The first thing I'd like to challenge every mom on - is to look at some of the core values and issues in the inner life. What do you struggle with and what are those growth (weaknesses) in your life. What do you KNOW God wants to change in you?

Grow and Face Yourself
See, one of the key reasons you're a mom - so you can grow and become mature and develop character and learn how to love.

Reacting or Responding - Reveals Anger
Many moms mother with way too much unleashed anger. It's often in subtle forms of shaming or sarcasm and yelling. How we react (our flesh) or respond (godly) to our kids - matters. We set them up to repeat what we do and what our parents did IF we don't do a personal heart check. See, it's NOT really about them as much as it is about us.

Soul Searching for the Truth
Do you find yourself easily irritated? Are you a mom that yells? Do you get easily frustrated (angry) with your kids? Do you speak to them in a way that is shaming? Do you ever wonder why your child is angry or seemingly sarcastic or disrespectful? Do you find yourself making excuses for your kids? Do you threaten you kids? Do you count to 3 - as a warning? If any of this is you, then you'll want to follow along.

Heart of Anger
Michael and I LOVED going through one of the Tripp's series on parenting - it was all about the heart of the parent. And, just last week, my Gerald (son-in-law) found this book: The Heart of Anger.

25 WAYS THAT The Heart of Anger is revealed

Lack of marriage harmony.
Allowing a "child centered" home.
Modeling sinful anger.
Habitually disciplining when angry.
Being inconsistent with discipline.
Having a double standard. (Hypocrite)
Being legalistic.
Not admitting you are wrong and asking for forgiveness.
Constantly finding fault.
Parents reversing God-given roles.
Not listening to your child; not taking them seriously.
Comparing them to others.
Not making time to just talk.
Not praising or encouraging your child.
Failing to keep your promises.
Chastening in front of others.
Not allowing enough freedom. (after showing they are faithful)
Allowing too much freedom.
Mocking your child.
Abusing them physically.
Ridiculing or name calling.
Unrealistic expectations.
Practicing favoritism.
Child training with the worlds methods not God's.

What to do:
Repent from provoking your children to anger.
Identify the ones you have been doing.
Confess these sins to God.
Ask your child for forgiveness.
Develop a plan with your child to replace and implement the right ways.
Consider specific ways to provoke you child to love and good deeds.

More on MOM Help 911 on Tuesday In the meantime, please take some time to post some of your MOM Help thoughts on what works and what isn't and how you train your children with a Biblical framework. Everyone would love to hear them!

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Mrs. Sidney said...

The hardest thing for me with parenting is my husband and I differ on opinions. My son can be difficult to train and it reminds me of my husband. Now with the shift to public school I am really struggling with the things he is pickig up at school. Is prayer enough? Am I failing my child?


Lylah said...

Mrs. Sidney - thanks so much for sharing and how difficult it must be - especially when you think you are on a different "page" than your husband. If I had the opportunity to sit down and have some coffee with you - I'd ask:
1. what exactly do you THINK are the differning opinions between you and your husband. Sometimes husband and wife are saying the same thing but the language is different. I'd suggest asking to hear - and get understanding of the words your husband uses - exactly what he's thinking in regards to training his/your son. I'd encourage you to ask him what he SEES as some of the character issues in your son and HOW he'd like YOU to teach/train him.
2. i'd want to know how old your son is. if he's 8, 9 or older - it's possible that some of his issues are because he's begging to "pull away from mom" and move toward his dad - to discover that man side of him. when this happens - usually mom takes it as rebellion or other attitude issues, when in actuality, it's what he's supposed to do.

In our western (American) culture, we've lost the understanding of a boys entrance into manhood. It used to be that a boy was initiated into the fellowship of men around the age of 12. I recommend to any mom of any boy at any age this book in particular - Gorden Dalbey's Healing the Masculine Soul.
3. I'd trust a bit more in the husband - to do more of the training with the son. my prayers would be more for my husband to "get a clue" and hear God and hear his sense of responsibility for the result of his son. He will stand before Jesus and ask how he fathered his boy.
4. Prayer is so huge and God is bigger in our husbands than we give him credit for.
5. I'd also ask you how you show your husband respect - how you affirm him in front of you son and any other children. This is so huge - to show that respect. It can win your husband, empower a passive man into becoming a good and godly leader along with giving him confidence to do.