the power of pearls

About twelve years ago, my daughters surprised me with a beautiful pearl necklace and matching earrings for Christmas. I cried. Not only was the gift precious, but more so the thought behind the gift. My girls actually bought their mama pearls. I cherish those pearls and wear them periodically but maybe I should wear them more because I just found out that this is the age of the power of pearls.

British journalist Germaine Greer wrote a fun piece on pearls: "Pearls have always been with us. Mrs Thatcher wore pearls a lot, as earrings and necklaces of graduated beads. Post Thatcher they were for so long so naff that even the Queen cut down on the yardage and tonnage of pearls to be slung around her neck on ceremonial occasions. Diana, Princess of Wales, festooned herself in pearls. She was so keen on pearl chokers that she had them in every variation from single-strand to 11-strand. She usually wore her chokers too tight so that they sat halfway up her neck.

Her successor as spouse to Prince Charles errs in the opposite direction, wearing huge horse-collars of pearls that give her all the dignity and authority of a pearlie queen, and ruin the hang of all her dress-and-coat sets. With the market at present flooded by immense quantities of Chinese freshwater pearls, the cachet of the pearl could be said to have entered upon terminal eclipse. That was before Condoleezza Rice and the advent of the power pearl."

She then writes giving us a description of these power pearls:
"Power pearls are pure white and large, anything from 11mm in diameter to 16mm, in a single strand, which must hang within rather than over the neckline. The size reveals that power pearls are not properly "natural". Natural pearls of that size are extremely rare, and command the kind of price only a queen could afford. Power pearls are farmed, cultured if you prefer. They can be cheap, that is, with only a thin layer of nacre, or they can be rich and glossy as Condie's are. Over the years, Condie's strings of pearls have been getting shorter and the beads bigger.

Though I have kept close watch, I am not sure just how many strings she has. Cultured pearls that are not perfectly round cost much less than rounds, and can look as good or better. When a screaming Code Pink protester threatened her with bloody hands a year ago, Condie stood firm, safe behind her power pearls. When she needs special clout, she dons a particular string of big heavy pearls that lie flat to her collarbone.

At the press conference on August 13, when she got stuck into Russia for bullying Georgia, frowning, glaring and snarling, the big pearls shone within the revers of her blueblack suit like moons in a starless night sky. The public was so dazzled by this Queen of the Night performance they didn't realise just how ineffectual her response actually was. Power pearls are glamour, bravado and insolence.

Power pearls have now crossed the floor of the house. For a few weeks now, Michelle Obama has been wearing power pearls and hers are even bigger than Condie's, so big that bloggers beg the cruel world to tell them why their idol's wife wears "outsize fake pearls". Michelle's not saying whether they're fake or not, and lets it go on being a grey area. She knows by what pearls do for Condie's image what they could do for hers, softening her features, lengthening her neck and giving her that gleam of class. So far, the image-meisters have not intervened and she is still wearing them.

Madeleine M Kunin's new book on women in US politics is called Pearls, Politics and Power. When she came on stage to endorse Obama's campaign and belatedly declare her support, wearing the ubiquitous full-bottomed pantsuit, even Hillary Clinton had brightened up her image with a row of power pearls.

Despite Kunin, real power and pearls (real, cultured or fake) don't go together. Angela Merkel, the most powerful woman in Europe, wouldn't be seen dead in the full-on row of pearls. I suspect that Helen Clark, prime minister of New Zealand, doesn't have a pearl to her name. Pearls are tears; Diana Spencer wore her jewelled ligatures as signifiers of subjection. Condie Rice is George Bush's creature, and when he steps down he will take her with him. The consensus is that she will not find another job in politics. Hillary taken to wearing pearls in defeat, which leaves only Michelle."

Special note: Cindy McCain also wears pearls. Here's help wearing your "power" pearls and here's a little education about pearls. Here's how to buy pearls and take care of them.

Are you a "power" pearl girl?

If you wear pearls would you vote for me?

the power of pearls

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/09/power-of-pearls.html

what happened to women?

Politics and the pursuit of rights and equality and the differing opinions expressed have a way of bringing the worst out in people. What grieves me most is to see women attack each other out of anger and hurt.

I am grieved that women de-dignify themselves to smack talk against Sarah, Michelle, or Cindy. It ought not to be. We lose something of who we really are and that power of influence that we really have.

So, no matter what side of the woman's banner you live - let's commit to return to being women of grace and dignity toward each other.

The greatest influence a woman can have is when she walks in the dignity of who she is and shows an expression of grace to others who don't carry her opinion.

Will you join me?

what happened to women?

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/09/what-happened-to-women.html

MOM Help 911 Series

This is an updated repost.

Recently, I've been thinking about this role of mom and how absolutely gloriously wonderful and difficult it can be as well as how hard it can be seemingly with very little reward. As an older mom, in a different season of life, I get to encourage younger moms. This mini -series is called MOM Help 911.

The Non-Perfect MOM
By no means was I or am I the perfect mom, but I have learned some things along the way that I simply want to pass on in hopes of reaching the heart of one mom who wants to create sanctuary on her home front. I'll pass on some of the things I DID DO right and some of the things I've since learned that I ONLY WISH I DID right.

God's Sweetest Challenge to Women
Being a mom is one of God's sweetest and most challenging callings for women. It's being a mom where we discover the true lovely and ugly things about us.

Our children mirror our souls - all the good parts and all the parts we want to hide from - but that get exposed to EVERYONE by our children.

Who we are gets passed on to our children: our fears, our perfectionist tendency's, our respect or lack of to authority (husbands), our independent ways, our love of people, how we serve, how we care and most of all how we love God - value knowing and submitting to His ways above all else.

Pain in Growing Children
In Genesis, God says, that a mother will have pain - not just in bearing her child, but in the life long process of training and growing her legacy - the next generation.

Looking at a MOM'S Inner Life
The first thing I'd like to challenge every mom on - is to look at some of the core values and issues in the inner life. What do you struggle with and what are those growth (weaknesses) in your life. What do you KNOW God wants to change in you?

Grow and Face Yourself
See, one of the key reasons you're a mom - so you can grow and become mature and develop character and learn how to love.

Reacting or Responding - Reveals Anger
Many moms mother with way too much unleashed anger. It's often in subtle forms of shaming or sarcasm and yelling. How we react (our flesh) or respond (godly) to our kids - matters. We set them up to repeat what we do and what our parents did IF we don't do a personal heart check. See, it's NOT really about them as much as it is about us.

Soul Searching for the Truth
Do you find yourself easily irritated? Are you a mom that yells? Do you get easily frustrated (angry) with your kids? Do you speak to them in a way that is shaming? Do you ever wonder why your child is angry or seemingly sarcastic or disrespectful? Do you find yourself making excuses for your kids? Do you threaten you kids? Do you count to 3 - as a warning? If any of this is you, then you'll want to follow along.

Heart of Anger
Michael and I LOVED going through one of the Tripp's series on parenting - it was all about the heart of the parent. And, just last week, my Gerald (son-in-law) found this book: The Heart of Anger.

25 WAYS THAT The Heart of Anger is revealed

PARENTS PROVOKE THEIR CHILDREN TO ANGER:
Lack of marriage harmony.
Allowing a "child centered" home.
Modeling sinful anger.
Habitually disciplining when angry.
Scolding.
Being inconsistent with discipline.
Having a double standard. (Hypocrite)
Being legalistic.
Not admitting you are wrong and asking for forgiveness.
Constantly finding fault.
Parents reversing God-given roles.
Not listening to your child; not taking them seriously.
Comparing them to others.
Not making time to just talk.
Not praising or encouraging your child.
Failing to keep your promises.
Chastening in front of others.
Not allowing enough freedom. (after showing they are faithful)
Allowing too much freedom.
Mocking your child.
Abusing them physically.
Ridiculing or name calling.
Unrealistic expectations.
Practicing favoritism.
Child training with the worlds methods not God's.

What to do:
Repent from provoking your children to anger.
Identify the ones you have been doing.
Confess these sins to God.
Ask your child for forgiveness.
Develop a plan with your child to replace and implement the right ways.
Consider specific ways to provoke you child to love and good deeds.

More on MOM Help 911 on Tuesday In the meantime, please take some time to post some of your MOM Help thoughts on what works and what isn't and how you train your children with a Biblical framework. Everyone would love to hear them!

MOM Help 911 Series

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/07/mom-help-911-series.html

the CENTERED woman

Being a pastor’s wife and mentor, I often have an up close view of a woman’s feminine soul. And, from my view, there are generally two kinds of women - the centered one and the un-centered one.

Because I want all women to live on purpose, I’m going to make a few of these upcoming Wednesdays my The Centered Woman Day.

To understand what I’m meaning by centered we need to take a look at the definition of the core of that word which is CENTER. Center means: hub, heart, core, foundation, mainstay, basis.

As you and I look at those words, they speak of something sure, solid, and anchored. I want to be a centered woman who lives life with purpose.

In this mini-series on a few of the next Wednesdays, we’ll look at the different aspects of the un-centered and the centered woman. Mixed in here I'll add some steps for any uncentered women to take to become centered - if you’re not totally her.

THE UN-CENTERED WOMAN
Who is the un-centered woman? The un-centered woman is the one who tends to be driven by an internal mass of fear and assumptions.

Her fear (founded or not) is often her mode of operandi in life.

She has fear of intimacy, fear of being known by others, fear of telling the truth about her self and fear of being honest with her failures.

These kinds of fears that frame her life will tend to cause her to sabotage her relationships because she’s afraid that they’ll “find her out” and not accept her.

She’s very shame-based and lives out of others definitions of who they says she is – rather than WHO God says.

Because the un-centered woman mistrusts most people – especially men – she’ll tend to blame others for her mistakes. It’s difficult for to “own up” and therefore she often resorts to gossip to cover and blame. God, in His mercy to mature us, won’t let her off the hook. In time she will have to face the gossip and the blaming others that she uses to hide her own shame. And, hopefully, those who she’s blamed and gossiped about are mature enough to walk with her through the right biblical process of restoration and forgiveness.

So many women live life with a skewed idea of WHAT they are here for and how to do THIS life in regards to the NEXT one. They lack true biblical purpose and often have a faulty theological foundation of WHO God is and WHO they are in light of Him. Because of this faulty thinking – (from incorrect teaching, lack of discipleship and modeling) they make God up in their own image.

What’s so sad for me, is that they do TRY to live life and do life God’s way, but it just doesn’t work with a faulty foundation – because whenever shame rises up and fear takes over – their feet slip through the cracks of the faulty foundation. They don’t trust God (because they don’t know Him as Father God) because He didn’t protect them when they needed protection and He let all these bad things happen to them.

I’ve seen un-centered women also create all sorts of spins. Gosh, when your theology of God is skewed, what else do you do? Spins will definitely lock you into the patterns of your past. They are based on wrong thinking which is leading "feelings" and not based in truth - but in fear.

I’ve labeled these spins as: the blame spin, the “it’s not my fault” spin, the self-pity spin and the “I NEED it (this way) if I’m going to survive spin.”

The un-centered woman lives with some judgments (that other people will let her down) and unbroken vows. We'll look at some of those next Wednesday. See ya then!

the CENTERED woman

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/07/centered-woman.html

do you have rocks in your garden

Are there rocks in your garden? Read here:

Exploding Anger (Rocks)
Rage
Revenge
Words that wound (shame/sarcasm, joking
Gossip/Self-Pity
Grumbling
Complaining
Murmuring

Imploding Anger (Rocks)
Withdral
Self-pity/Gossip
Isolate
Jealousy
Withhold
Depression
Bitterness

do you have rocks in your garden

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/05/do-you-have-rocks-in-your-garden.html

hurt, anger and unrealistic expectations

When I feel hurt, because of a legitimate God-given need for love and value is NOT met—and when a sense of injustice rises—or the emotion of anger is triggered and I feel the tension of wanting it perfect now (my need met) - what I do in that moment— matters.

Will I choose to let anger drive me to the arena of hurt, disappointment, sadness, loneliness—the Lord’s arena of fellowship OR will I choose to let anger drive me to the rocks in the garden—where I pick them up and use them to control/manipulate to get my legitimate needs met in an illegitimate, sinful way?

Anger reveals that you’ve made a judgment (James 2:13) about the person who has hurt you. It can be a real or a perceived INJUSTICE. You’ve come to a conclusion based on an expectation or on your values. When someone doesn’t come through for me—like I think they should—I get angry—to get my way. Anger can display itself as jealousy and it can look syrupy sweet (James 3:14). Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1:20).

On a Side Note:
What I ”think” about a (certain) situation or how “I think life should be” will give a platform for emotion to be productive or unproductive.

Wrong thinking (contrary to God’s) is the realm where VOWS are made. These are where the “I will nevers.” occur. Vows are the glue that keep Idols together.

What are Unrealistic Expectations
Unrealistic expections are a demand that someone should “be” a certain way all the time, and if they are NOT, you’ll withhold affection from them. You anticipate they will behave in a way that will NOT hurt you or disappoint you. You live by unenforceable rules and if someone breaks your rule, you get angry (explode/implode).

God will NEVER disappoint, and will ALWAYS meet your need for love and purpose so you can raise your level of expectation to the highest degree with Him. It’s just that when it comes to people you have to have a realistic expectation of them meeting your needs, AND a strategy (to accept them where they are at and how to make a request—not a demand) when they don’t.

It is just as much sin to have HIGH expectations of people as it is to have too LOW of expectations. Low expectations point to a “fear” and “self-protection” attitude that says, “I just won’t expect anything from them this way I’ll never get hurt or disappointed.” Helllllooooooooooo.

The abundant and rich life comes from developing good relationships with people, and that only happens when TRUST is developed and cultivated. That comes from certain (realistic) expectations you have of people—which sets you up for developing trust, as well as being deeply disappointed. Oh well, that’s life!

Remember, disappointment is your appointment with God. And since HE will never disappoint, guess who God is using to do the disappointing? Disappointment is opportunity for fellowship with Jesus.

What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is basically imposing your own high standards on someone else. A perfectionist is a critical person.

What is Control?
Controling people have this underlying thinking that says, “I expect you to behave according to my standards, I will do anything (control, manipulate, use guilt, self-pity, pout, withhold, withdraw) to get my way—now—even if the benefit is momentary and temporary.

The wise (mature) woman of God will understand that pain, loss, hurt and disappointment are God’s gifts. It’s in those moments that fellowship with Jesus can be most sweet. We are to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry because the anger of man doesn’t bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1: 19-20). God is slow to anger.

You are mature if you have learned how to live with the pure emotions of: hurt, disappointment, loss, sadness and weakness and if you understand how to go to the Lord with it. The reality is—is that LIFE HAS HURT, DISAPPOINTMENT, WEAKNESS, REJECTION, SICKNESS, LOSS AND LOTS OF PAIN.

The question a woman must ask is: Why, then do I try to live my life as if “there shouldn’t be any of this?”

hurt, anger and unrealistic expectations

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/05/hurt-anger-and-unrealistic-expectations.html