Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts

Friday, August 22, 2008

MOM Help 911 Series

This is an updated repost.

Recently, I've been thinking about this role of mom and how absolutely gloriously wonderful and difficult it can be as well as how hard it can be seemingly with very little reward. As an older mom, in a different season of life, I get to encourage younger moms. This mini -series is called MOM Help 911.

The Non-Perfect MOM
By no means was I or am I the perfect mom, but I have learned some things along the way that I simply want to pass on in hopes of reaching the heart of one mom who wants to create sanctuary on her home front. I'll pass on some of the things I DID DO right and some of the things I've since learned that I ONLY WISH I DID right.

God's Sweetest Challenge to Women
Being a mom is one of God's sweetest and most challenging callings for women. It's being a mom where we discover the true lovely and ugly things about us.

Our children mirror our souls - all the good parts and all the parts we want to hide from - but that get exposed to EVERYONE by our children.

Who we are gets passed on to our children: our fears, our perfectionist tendency's, our respect or lack of to authority (husbands), our independent ways, our love of people, how we serve, how we care and most of all how we love God - value knowing and submitting to His ways above all else.

Pain in Growing Children
In Genesis, God says, that a mother will have pain - not just in bearing her child, but in the life long process of training and growing her legacy - the next generation.

Looking at a MOM'S Inner Life
The first thing I'd like to challenge every mom on - is to look at some of the core values and issues in the inner life. What do you struggle with and what are those growth (weaknesses) in your life. What do you KNOW God wants to change in you?

Grow and Face Yourself
See, one of the key reasons you're a mom - so you can grow and become mature and develop character and learn how to love.

Reacting or Responding - Reveals Anger
Many moms mother with way too much unleashed anger. It's often in subtle forms of shaming or sarcasm and yelling. How we react (our flesh) or respond (godly) to our kids - matters. We set them up to repeat what we do and what our parents did IF we don't do a personal heart check. See, it's NOT really about them as much as it is about us.

Soul Searching for the Truth
Do you find yourself easily irritated? Are you a mom that yells? Do you get easily frustrated (angry) with your kids? Do you speak to them in a way that is shaming? Do you ever wonder why your child is angry or seemingly sarcastic or disrespectful? Do you find yourself making excuses for your kids? Do you threaten you kids? Do you count to 3 - as a warning? If any of this is you, then you'll want to follow along.

Heart of Anger
Michael and I LOVED going through one of the Tripp's series on parenting - it was all about the heart of the parent. And, just last week, my Gerald (son-in-law) found this book: The Heart of Anger.





25 WAYS THAT The Heart of Anger is revealed

PARENTS PROVOKE THEIR CHILDREN TO ANGER:
Lack of marriage harmony.
Allowing a "child centered" home.
Modeling sinful anger.
Habitually disciplining when angry.
Scolding.
Being inconsistent with discipline.
Having a double standard. (Hypocrite)
Being legalistic.
Not admitting you are wrong and asking for forgiveness.
Constantly finding fault.
Parents reversing God-given roles.
Not listening to your child; not taking them seriously.
Comparing them to others.
Not making time to just talk.
Not praising or encouraging your child.
Failing to keep your promises.
Chastening in front of others.
Not allowing enough freedom. (after showing they are faithful)
Allowing too much freedom.
Mocking your child.
Abusing them physically.
Ridiculing or name calling.
Unrealistic expectations.
Practicing favoritism.
Child training with the worlds methods not God's.


What to do:
Repent from provoking your children to anger.
Identify the ones you have been doing.
Confess these sins to God.
Ask your child for forgiveness.
Develop a plan with your child to replace and implement the right ways.
Consider specific ways to provoke you child to love and good deeds.

More on MOM Help 911 on Tuesday In the meantime, please take some time to post some of your MOM Help thoughts on what works and what isn't and how you train your children with a Biblical framework. Everyone would love to hear them!

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Thursday, May 29, 2008

do you have rocks in your garden

Are there rocks in your garden? Read here:

Exploding Anger (Rocks)
Rage
Revenge
Words that wound (shame/sarcasm, joking
Gossip/Self-Pity
Grumbling
Complaining
Murmuring

Imploding Anger (Rocks)
Withdral
Self-pity/Gossip
Isolate
Jealousy
Withhold
Depression
Bitterness

Stumble Upon Toolbar

hurt, anger and unrealistic expectations


When I feel hurt, because of a legitimate God-given need for love and value is NOT met—and when a sense of injustice rises—or the emotion of anger is triggered and I feel the tension of wanting it perfect now (my need met) - what I do in that moment— matters.

Will I choose to let anger drive me to the arena of hurt, disappointment, sadness, loneliness—the Lord’s arena of fellowship OR will I choose to let anger drive me to the rocks in the garden—where I pick them up and use them to control/manipulate to get my legitimate needs met in an illegitimate, sinful way?

Anger reveals that you’ve made a judgment (James 2:13) about the person who has hurt you. It can be a real or a perceived INJUSTICE. You’ve come to a conclusion based on an expectation or on your values. When someone doesn’t come through for me—like I think they should—I get angry—to get my way. Anger can display itself as jealousy and it can look syrupy sweet (James 3:14). Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1:20).

On a Side Note:
What I ”think” about a (certain) situation or how “I think life should be” will give a platform for emotion to be productive or unproductive.

Wrong thinking (contrary to God’s) is the realm where VOWS are made. These are where the “I will nevers.” occur. Vows are the glue that keep Idols together.

What are Unrealistic Expectations
Unrealistic expections are a demand that someone should “be” a certain way all the time, and if they are NOT, you’ll withhold affection from them. You anticipate they will behave in a way that will NOT hurt you or disappoint you. You live by unenforceable rules and if someone breaks your rule, you get angry (explode/implode).

God will NEVER disappoint, and will ALWAYS meet your need for love and purpose so you can raise your level of expectation to the highest degree with Him. It’s just that when it comes to people you have to have a realistic expectation of them meeting your needs, AND a strategy (to accept them where they are at and how to make a request—not a demand) when they don’t.

It is just as much sin to have HIGH expectations of people as it is to have too LOW of expectations. Low expectations point to a “fear” and “self-protection” attitude that says, “I just won’t expect anything from them this way I’ll never get hurt or disappointed.” Helllllooooooooooo.

The abundant and rich life comes from developing good relationships with people, and that only happens when TRUST is developed and cultivated. That comes from certain (realistic) expectations you have of people—which sets you up for developing trust, as well as being deeply disappointed. Oh well, that’s life!

Remember, disappointment is your appointment with God. And since HE will never disappoint, guess who God is using to do the disappointing? Disappointment is opportunity for fellowship with Jesus.

What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is basically imposing your own high standards on someone else. A perfectionist is a critical person.

What is Control?
Controling people have this underlying thinking that says, “I expect you to behave according to my standards, I will do anything (control, manipulate, use guilt, self-pity, pout, withhold, withdraw) to get my way—now—even if the benefit is momentary and temporary.

The wise (mature) woman of God will understand that pain, loss, hurt and disappointment are God’s gifts. It’s in those moments that fellowship with Jesus can be most sweet. We are to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry because the anger of man doesn’t bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1: 19-20). God is slow to anger.

You are mature if you have learned how to live with the pure emotions of: hurt, disappointment, loss, sadness and weakness and if you understand how to go to the Lord with it. The reality is—is that LIFE HAS HURT, DISAPPOINTMENT, WEAKNESS, REJECTION, SICKNESS, LOSS AND LOTS OF PAIN.

The question a woman must ask is: Why, then do I try to live my life as if “there shouldn’t be any of this?”

Stumble Upon Toolbar