Sunday, July 06, 2008

traveling tales of lylah - part 7

What do you do when you can't do anything about anything? What do you do with the gamut of emotions from feeling vulnerable, helpless, violated, lied to and more?

I've let this "suitcase" be the demise of sleeplessness. I've let this "suitcase" thing keep me thinking about all the ways I could try to find the warehouse, show up and figure out how to search and find my "stuff."

Day after day I've wrestled through the thoughts of the "stuff" that seems to be lost. Each day has gotten better and better. Friends have been sweet and some have encouraged me by letting me just dump. Others have tried, but I ended up just feeling "fixed."

In spite of the day by day wrestling, I think I've slowly gotten to the place of God's heart. My thinking for what I've lost (mostly it's really just about money, isn't it) has gone to being thankful that I am here with my daughter and two granddaughters and that I have my health and that I have life and love and a future with Him.

It's amazing how we can choose to change our thinking and when we do it changes the perspective and the emotion. It's true - right thinking will lead feelings. In the beginning my feelings (which I needed to process and be graced to do so) led my thinking.

Today, my thinking leads my feelings. I'm actually finding some humor in the whole thing. I'm also learning how stink'n materialistic I've been. Really. Loose something like 70 pounds of stuff and then see what emotions arise first. It'll be a check as to your hearts idols.

My husband has this faith that it will be returned. He says that when one would (in the olden days) go before the King they would say, "If it please the King. . . " His prayer and he's encouraged mine to be the same, "If it please the King . . . to have the big black 70 pound suitcase with all the stuff returned. . . so be it."

So, that's my prayer, "If it please the King . . . " and then that's where it stays - in the hands of the King.

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