Simple Home Living: 8/17/08

Saturday, August 23, 2008

resisting to become irresistible

If I could leave one message to the girl who wants to get married - it'd be "resist to become irresistible."

That might sound strange, but there's something about a girl/woman resisting going the way of the culture to find a man rather instead waiting to be found.

Here are my Ten Ways to Become Irresistible.

1. Resist doing the online dating thing. It only hurts women and de-dignifies their femininity while some passive non pursuing guy sits behind his computer screen and looks at a pretty face, doesn't get to know the heart and who knows what else he's doing while sitting there in isolation. Guys/men are supposed to conquer. God made them that way - how in the world is that conquering? OK, there have been a few that have found their dream in each other, but did you know that here in the Phoenix Valley one of the guys on E-Harmony was a serial killer? AHHHH. Resist being so anxious and lowering yourself to that.

2. Resist pursuing a man. Don't put yourself out there and in his way. God says it's the man who FINDS the wife. (Proverbs 18:22 ) It's the perfect order and believe it or not God loves this match making thing. What man appreciates something he doesn't have to work for? Girl - let him come and get you.

3. Resist giving your heart away too soon. When you do have a relationship with a man, let him take the lead and resist telling him your feelings before he tells you his. What if the guy isn't ready for commitment and you've told him how crazy your are about him? Think he'd run? Probably.

4. Resist being anxious. Anxiety over NOT having a man leads to insecurities and insecurities leads to stupid on a stick. I know women who were so anxious because they were so insecure (in who they are and whose they are and what they are here for and where they're going = NOT centered) and have done the STUPIDEST things they totally regret.

5. Resist not making yourself totally available - until it's clear of his intent toward commitment. Learn the art of feminine mystique! You are a worthy woman of great value and make him work for you (remember Jacob worked for Rachel?) If he's not willing to work for you then he's not going to "work" for you after you're married.

6. Resist isolation. Now, that's stupid. Go have fun, enjoy life, get involved with others (groups), serve, just don't isolate! You don't grow when you isolate. Reach out to people around you.

7. Resist putting off what you really want to do. Gardening, trips, museums, learn how to dance, - do IT.

8. Resist making a list of the perfect husband. My goodness, when I met Michael, had I had a list, we'd never gotten married. Initially there was NO attraction, as a matter of fact, there was the opposite. God knit our hearts together for His purposes and His glory and Michael is the best thing for me and I for him. I love him so much and don't want to do life without him. Throw away the list out of what you think you need.

9. Resist determining how you think a man will come into your life. Be willing to let God direct the show.

10. Resist making the first move. If a man doesn't make the first move toward you then he's not interested in you (at least in that moment). Men (whether they believe this or not - it's how God wired them) need to pursue and capture. They need someone who will give them a good challenge. Don't be some guys temporary filler till his eye catches another possibility. You're better than that.

One more for free: RESIST being immodest. Come on girls, what's with that? Cover up and respect yourself enough to save the cleavage and all the other parts for the man God says will be your husband. For more reading on waiting as a bride go here and here.

cute pic by xanga.com

chinese/american "olympics" in scottsdale

Last Sunday night Michael and I opened the doors of our home to not only our home group but six guests from China (who are studying here at ASU).

The guys decided to have NOT have an Americans against the Chinese water volleyball competition. Rather, instead it was the Americans/Chinese against Americans/Chinese competition.

Scroll down to see how delightfully crowed our pool was. All the wives sat around the edge. I LOVE building bridges from one nation to another through the heart.

Here we gathered to honor Nathan Paul's sixteeneth birthday. Our guests from China sang "Happy Birthday" in Chinese. Memorable!

i LOVE indian food - the dhaba

Last night Michael and I took two of our Indian daughters, Vidya and Ambika out for Indian food. We went to a brand new happening place called The Dhaba which a favored northern Indian cuisine of the Punjab region. It's a relaxed yet stylish atmosphere whose clientel is mostly young Indian families.

We enjoyed homemade breads, tandoori halal meats and a variety of other wonderful dishes. It was the best. If you live in the Phoenix valley, you MUST go.

Take note - of my new orange top - called a Kurthi - a gift from India from my daughters: Sowyma, Bindu, Vidya and Ambika.

Friday, August 22, 2008

i want to give this away

Prayer is what changes hearts and marriages. I want to give this away for the next week. Post any comment and email me your addy. I'll zip it over to you!

MOM Help 911 Series

This is an updated repost.

Recently, I've been thinking about this role of mom and how absolutely gloriously wonderful and difficult it can be as well as how hard it can be seemingly with very little reward. As an older mom, in a different season of life, I get to encourage younger moms. This mini -series is called MOM Help 911.

The Non-Perfect MOM
By no means was I or am I the perfect mom, but I have learned some things along the way that I simply want to pass on in hopes of reaching the heart of one mom who wants to create sanctuary on her home front. I'll pass on some of the things I DID DO right and some of the things I've since learned that I ONLY WISH I DID right.

God's Sweetest Challenge to Women
Being a mom is one of God's sweetest and most challenging callings for women. It's being a mom where we discover the true lovely and ugly things about us.

Our children mirror our souls - all the good parts and all the parts we want to hide from - but that get exposed to EVERYONE by our children.

Who we are gets passed on to our children: our fears, our perfectionist tendency's, our respect or lack of to authority (husbands), our independent ways, our love of people, how we serve, how we care and most of all how we love God - value knowing and submitting to His ways above all else.

Pain in Growing Children
In Genesis, God says, that a mother will have pain - not just in bearing her child, but in the life long process of training and growing her legacy - the next generation.

Looking at a MOM'S Inner Life
The first thing I'd like to challenge every mom on - is to look at some of the core values and issues in the inner life. What do you struggle with and what are those growth (weaknesses) in your life. What do you KNOW God wants to change in you?

Grow and Face Yourself
See, one of the key reasons you're a mom - so you can grow and become mature and develop character and learn how to love.

Reacting or Responding - Reveals Anger
Many moms mother with way too much unleashed anger. It's often in subtle forms of shaming or sarcasm and yelling. How we react (our flesh) or respond (godly) to our kids - matters. We set them up to repeat what we do and what our parents did IF we don't do a personal heart check. See, it's NOT really about them as much as it is about us.

Soul Searching for the Truth
Do you find yourself easily irritated? Are you a mom that yells? Do you get easily frustrated (angry) with your kids? Do you speak to them in a way that is shaming? Do you ever wonder why your child is angry or seemingly sarcastic or disrespectful? Do you find yourself making excuses for your kids? Do you threaten you kids? Do you count to 3 - as a warning? If any of this is you, then you'll want to follow along.

Heart of Anger
Michael and I LOVED going through one of the Tripp's series on parenting - it was all about the heart of the parent. And, just last week, my Gerald (son-in-law) found this book: The Heart of Anger.

25 WAYS THAT The Heart of Anger is revealed

PARENTS PROVOKE THEIR CHILDREN TO ANGER:
Lack of marriage harmony.
Allowing a "child centered" home.
Modeling sinful anger.
Habitually disciplining when angry.
Scolding.
Being inconsistent with discipline.
Having a double standard. (Hypocrite)
Being legalistic.
Not admitting you are wrong and asking for forgiveness.
Constantly finding fault.
Parents reversing God-given roles.
Not listening to your child; not taking them seriously.
Comparing them to others.
Not making time to just talk.
Not praising or encouraging your child.
Failing to keep your promises.
Chastening in front of others.
Not allowing enough freedom. (after showing they are faithful)
Allowing too much freedom.
Mocking your child.
Abusing them physically.
Ridiculing or name calling.
Unrealistic expectations.
Practicing favoritism.
Child training with the worlds methods not God's.

What to do:
Repent from provoking your children to anger.
Identify the ones you have been doing.
Confess these sins to God.
Ask your child for forgiveness.
Develop a plan with your child to replace and implement the right ways.
Consider specific ways to provoke you child to love and good deeds.

More on MOM Help 911 on Tuesday In the meantime, please take some time to post some of your MOM Help thoughts on what works and what isn't and how you train your children with a Biblical framework. Everyone would love to hear them!

MOM Help 911 - Part 6

MOMS Help 911 - another in a mini series. For more reading go here.

If there were just one thing that I would encourage moms to do – it would be to teach (educate, instruct, school, tutor, edify) their children the truth about God and His law.

Fathers Too
Yes, according to the Old Testament, it’s the Father that is to teach their child all along the way and Proverbs gives tons of examples of exactly what that is, but a mom spends the majority of the time with their children and some of her daily margins really ought to include teaching about God and His law.

Responsibility
It’s a given that a child cannot be left to himself/herself and he/she must be guided to become a God-fearing adult. It is the parent’s responsibility to help their child to obey. Ephesians Chapter 6 says that children are to obey and honor their parents so that life goes well with them.

I tell moms that if a child doesn’t learn to obey and respect authority then he/she can’t know God.

What to Teach Children
Children must be taught obedience and submission to authority. Another thing I have told moms is that obedience is immediate. If a child has to think about obeying, then it’s not obedience. That may sound radical, but if God requires something of me, he expects me to obey without questioning. That’s the same to be expected with children.

When you teach your children about God you want to teach them about humility, how to love others, serve others, and what repentance looks like.

Moms and Obedience to Hard Things
If I as a mom is not living in obedience then how difficult will it be for her to train her children with any confidence when she’s not doing what it is that she’s expecting them to do? For example: submission, respect, not being lazy, not acting out of anger, etc?

Fighting God’s Authority
If your child fights against you in obedience ~ they are really fighting against God. Should this fighting against authority become a pattern in your child’s life then he’ll be at risk for some serious judgment by God. How your child learns to respond to you is how your child will learn to respond to God. Children need to know this. Children have to be trained and not in ANGER – that’s not training.

Your children also need to know that obedience to you is their ticket to a happy life. God blesses obedience.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

fathers teach your children

It's quite grievous that there are so many absent or passive fathers around. I'd been wondering where Michael Phelp's dad was, so I did a little research and just found this.

Just because a dad is absent or passive, doesn't alleviate his responsibility before God (he's still accountable for making a family) to teach his children.

A few years ago I did a study on what the Bible says Dad's are to teach. Here is a list of what Dads are responsible for (doesn't mean Moms should NOT come along side Dad and support and teach this too - cause they should):

Deuteronomy 5:29,
Deuteronomy 6:4-7
Deuteronomy 11:19—21
Isaiah 38:19b
Proverbs 22:6 (this is most likely for moms and dads)
Proverbs 4:1
Proverbs 4:26-27
Proverbs 4:18 –19
Proverbs 4:14—15
Proverbs 1: 10—19
Proverbs 2:1—2
Proverbs 2: 5—6
Proverbs 6: 1—2
Proverbs 6: 12—15
Proverbs 6: 6—8
Proverbs 6:20—21

Dear Child ~
What I read is that God wants your dad to tell you what to do if you’re tempted. He wants your dad to tell you that the most important thing you need to do is to ask for wisdom and understanding.

God wants your dad to teach you how to be wise and not foolish. He wants your dad (and your mom) to teach you how to stay pure and even talk about your wedding day when you’ll be a beautiful bride.

God wants your dad to teach you how to not be lazy, but how to learn how to work hard. Dads are supposed to tell their daughters how to be a friend and what kind of person NOT to hang around with. Your dad is supposed to teach you how to honest (no matter how hard it is) and not to lie. Moms do these things too, but it’s mostly dad.

Love the thoughts!

baby steps - day 22 - margins continued

Baby Steps toward purposeful home keeping continues! The beginning of this series is here.

My last few posts have been on the subject of margins. My daily and weekly margins have purpose and I fill them in not fill them up with those Make it Priority tasks so that I can create sanctuary on my homefront and have time with those needful relationship connections for my personal growth. I do it on purpose and I do it with the end in mind.

EXAMPLES
I know our bed will be made every day and once a week I’ll put fresh sheets on the bed. My goal is to make the bed first thing in the morning (and generally that happens) and every Saturday the sheets are fresh, but if that doesn’t happen (for whatever reason) then it will on Monday morning. It’s all good. Not rigid, but grace filled. I do this task because I not only feel good about it, but I know Michael enjoys it too. That's sanctuary.

I also know that it's my responsibility to serve nutritious meals. My husband feels loved, respected and he knows that I'm making him my priority when I plan, prepare and serve him a good meal. So, I daily prepare us breakfast and we eat together. It's our morning time to connect, evaluate the day and be a part of what each other is going to do. Generally, I serve breakfast outside on our patio. I prepare and plan this and place it in a margin, because I know my husband enjoys this, needs this and feels loved and respected when I serve him this way.

Since daily meal preparation requires planning I must add that space to plan and prepare and think through the week and shop accordingly to my margins.

I also think about making sure that our refrigerator is cleaned out and organized BEFORE I go shopping so that it's not a last minute thing I do with bags of groceries on the counter waiting to be put away.

Michael's heart trusts that I'm going to be responsible to take care of this. It's a way that I create sanctuary.

So, there are daily and weekly priority tasks to accomplish so that I can take care of my husband and create sanctuary in our home.

I’ve determined the best time for me to accomplish what I need to and I place those tasks within my margins spaces.

General daily margins look like this:
Soul Care Margin - 5 – 7:30 am – (This is the time for me – to read, workout, shower, think and look at my day.) I can choose to get up early or I can choose to sleep a bit longer and perhaps not have the Soul Care time that I might really need.

Morning Margin - 7:30 am – until Noon

Afternoon Margin - Noon – 6 pm

Evening Margin - 6 pm – 10 pm

We all get these basic time margins and it’s our choice how we steward them and what we use them for. How do you fill in or fill up your margins and how do you determine your priorities?

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

$1 design finds

While my Madres Curry is simmering, I'm drinking coffee, watching my grandkids jump off the couch ( an absolute NO NO) and perusing through my new Domino Mag and this page on $1 design finds captured me and created a momentary beauty pause for me.

When Michael and I lived in Portland, OR. you'd find me on any given random day strolling through the downtown Goodwill. In my arms, you'd notice my $1 finds: tea cups and other beauty pause delights.

choppin' onions and singn' it out! woo!

what am i doing? choppin onions for madres curry and listening to this: LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT. Gospel out here with Tramaine Hawkins on utube.

response to centered woman question

Hi Georgette – I love NY’rs –my husband is one!

Thanks for commenting on The Centered Woman post with a great question:

Can a centered woman be equally respected by her husband as she respects him?

Here's my direct answer to your question: a woman’s centering has nothing to do with if she’s respected or loved or not, it has everything to do with how she reacts or responds in those moments when she doesn’t feel ‘respected’ or loved or accepted. My responses to what I might think are some of life's injustices are indicative of me being centered or not.

But, I’m wondering if there aren’t some underlying questions here as well and so I’ll take a blog owner’s liberty to expound.

Language and Semantics
I like to use the language that God uses: love and respect (Ephesians 5:22 - 33). He tells women to give men respect and he tells men to give women love.

The thing we need (love) is the thing most misunderstood by men (they understand respect) and the thing they need (respect) is the thing most difficult for them to understand how to give us. That's why God tells men in 1 Peter 3:7 to DWELL with or to live with their wives in an understanding way.

God did it this love/respect order thing in marriage so that we both could grow into maturity and develop character. My husband and I alway say that it’s character over convenience in marriage.

From what you write, I bet you give your husband respect and I imagine he shows you love.

Next, you mention sharing responsibility in the home. That’s beautiful and can work well when there is agreement between both partners to partner together and clarification as to what that looks like.

Like you and your husband, Michael and I both share responsibility with finances. After years of failure, we finally have a system that works for US according to our styles and we're excited about it.

We, like you and your husband, partner together. We enjoy doing things together. I love being outside helping him when he’s doing yard work (and he LOVES it too) and I have no problem asking him to vacuum the carpets or clean the hard wood floors and he has no problem serving me by doing that. It's the WAY that I make that request (respectfully or naggy) that matters.

I notice on your very cute blog (btw) that you spent a stint in the army. Having been in the army, I know you understand what authority and submission is. You were required to come under in rank to your superior officer.

When a man and woman understand that biblical principle of headship (authority) and submission (following in rank) it can be BEAUTIFUL.

I fully understand that my husband has been positioned by God to be the one in authority in our home (for my benefit).

With a good and godly man, that means (and my husband says this) it's a wise man who listens to the advice/counsel/suggestions (and the way it's said MATTERS) of his wife. He says it's a fool who doesn't take in what she's saying, seeing and sensing.

So, as his helper, my responsibility is to give voice - again, the way I say it matters. If I see something that I don't think is a good idea - I'd better express that - respectfully.

We seek for agreement and in our WHOLE married life (21 years) we've NEVER disagreed expect on two issues - one being Michael buying a motorcycle. I hated the idea, but after expressing my fears, concerns, etc. I left the discussion at the table (so to speak). He had/has the final authority and he bought the bike. Funny thing is, I've been talking to him about us getting some scooters (women ride them all over the place in Spain and France).

There was another financial decision that after Michael listened to my fears and concerns he made the decision without mutual agreement and for both of us there were some good lessons to learn that I'm thankful for.

The beauty in marriage is when a husband and wife DO work together as a team - partnering together for the sake of the Kingdom. I have my homefront responsibilities (creating sanctuary) and he has his provider and protector kinds of responsibilities. I support his vision. I follow him and I'd do that if we had to live in a card board box.

Michael and I do work together as a team. We are partners. I do not nag or bitch at him. I work on NOT telling him what to do or how to do it. I respectfully make requests and leave that request for him to choose to do or not. to his choice – he can honor my request or not. 99% of the time, my husband LOVES me (in his language – respect) he honors what I’m asking. I DO NOT take advantage of that and that’s how I RESPECT (love in my language) him.

How the authority thing works – the way God intended it – in marriage is that the husband has the final authority and the RESPONSIBILITY for that authority of which he will answer to God (ultimately – whether he thinks there is one or not).

Hope this might answer the question you asked and those you didn't! By the way . . . you are a gorgeous 19 year old and I imagine a fantastic wife and mother.

the centered woman - part 3

Wednesdays are my Centered Woman Day. I trust your learning a few things and perhaps being a bit challenged?

One of the questions I’m asked is, why are so many women today, un-centered?

The reasons vary. Sometimes it’s because they lack good role models in the home or in their community of faith. Other times, it’s because they bought into the cultural ideologies of the feminist movement and they’re trying to live out scriptural principles when in fact they aren’t and that’s confusing.

Another reason is that so many suffer from the repercussions of sexual abuse from violations as little girls. And, unfortunately, they aren’t in a safe place to recognize that denial and deadness aren’t really their friends but that truth is. Sometimes they ARE in that safe place, but choose to not let go of the deadness and denial because the pain to change is greater than the pain of staying the same. In the end, there is NO life in that. Who wants to get to the end of life with regret knowing they missed out on God and life and relationships that were meaningful?

I love the author Dan Allender and he describes the progression of child self-protection to adult deadness and the resulting need for repentance: When abused children grow up the psychological mechanisms they automatically employed in childhood to cope with…begin to become destructive patterns for which they must take moral responsibility. . .

The function of self protection must be seen in light of both dignity and depravity. …..honesty acknowledges that her adult adaptation of the child pattern is an outworking of her depravity and not her dignity. When, as an adult, she protects herself in relationships by tuning out, stiffening, detaching, or fleeing in connection between herself and another that deepens the potential for intense enjoyment (and thus vulnerability), she does more than assure her own survival. She sins against another and dismisses God’s right to use her as His instrument of love and grace in the world.

That's quite the heavey and convicting statement. When an un-centered woman stays self-protected, not allowing herself to be known and to know others and when she maintains her childhood mechanisms of self-protection, she impedes movement into relationships that are intimate and that is sin. She shuts herself off from God's right (aren't we His anyway?) to useher as an instrument of love and grace in the world. Phew.

Another characteristic of the un-centered woman is that she doesn’t understand God’s standard for marriage. She doesn’t understand Biblical submission nor does she have the attitude of respect toward authority and if she’s married – she runs her husband ragged – nagging, complaining, being contentious. She creates those spins I mentioned last time. She doesn’t know how to do her husband good all his days (Proverbs 31:11).

The un-centered woman doesn’t understand that having godly character will mean EVERYTHING in the END. She doesn’t understand that her character will be rewarded at the Judgment Seat.

This woman doesn’t live scripture. She might think she does but her fears and modus operandi impede her from fully living with the truth evident of sweet fruit. She’s bitter from the blows that life has dealt her.

So, your true thoughts here?

Until next Wednesday, I’ll have more encouragement with Who is the Centered Woman?

mexican border 43 deaths in 3 days

43 dead in three days as Mexico violence escalates

Mon Aug 18, 7:44 PM ET

CIUDAD JUAREZ, Mexico (AFP) -
At least 43 people died in violent attacks in the last three days in the northern Mexico state of Chihuahua, the scene of ongoing drug gang turf wars, police said Monday.

Thirteen males, aged between 18 and 41, died in separate attacks on Monday, mostly in the flashpoint city of Ciudad Juarez on the US border, local police said.
Assassins killed nine people overnight Sunday in the city, following the slaying of 21 people the previous night, including 14 in a massacre at a family gathering in the western Chihuahua town of Creel.

Violence has escalated throughout the country since President Felipe Calderon, who took office at the end of 2006, launched a military crackdown on drug trafficking.
A baby was one of the 14 murdered in Saturday's shooting in Creel, believed to be part of a drug gang feud.

"Armed men, travelling in at least three vans and carrying heavy-duty weapons, fired on some 20 people who were leaving the town's dance hall," local police said.

Creel, in the Sierra Tarahumara mountains near Mexico's Copper Canyon, is on the main drug route from Mexico to the United States, but had previously registered only one violent death this year.

The assassins used AK-47 rifles, often used by drug gang hitmen, but authorities gave no motive for the crime.

Seven others were killed overnight Saturday, including five in Ciudad Juarez, one in the state capital Chihuahua and another in the town of Guadalupe.

Ciudad Juarez -- across the Rio Grande from El Paso, Texas -- has the highest murder toll of the country this year, with some 800 killed, according to an AFP count.

The Juarez drug cartel is fighting a turf war for control of Chihuahua state and its key drug routes to the United States with the Sinaloa cartel, from the neighboring state further south.

More than 3,000 families have fled Ciudad Juarez for the United States this year, a border expert said last week, following a deadly attack on a mass in a drug rehabilitation center in which gunmen killed nine people.

Drug-related violence throughout Mexico has killed 2,682 people since the start of the year -- nine more than in all of 2007 -- with nearly half in Chihuahua state, daily El Universal reported Saturday.

Federal authorities have deployed more than 36,000 soldiers across the country since early 2007, including 2,500 in Ciudad Juarez, as part of efforts to combat drug trafficking and related violence.

The US government has approved a 1.6-billion-dollar, three-year package of anti-drug assistance to Mexico, Central America and the Caribbean known as the Merida Initiative, a large part of which is expected to strengthen Calderon's efforts.

Ya think it won't affect you? Thoughts? From where you live - who can you build a bridge to?

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

what's lylah serving for dinner this week? 8/19 - 26

For some reason, planning the next week's menu didn't go as smooth as I'd hoped. I think it's because our margins seem to have a few extra things added. Last week, I wrote that I am using Google Calendar - LOVE that thing.

Tonight - I'm serving left over Chicken Soup. How good is that - on Day 2?

Tomorrow evening, we're head to the Jewetts home. I'm bringing Madres Curry and a Basque Salad. Pauline's making rice.

Thursday - I'm going to make that Tortilla Soup that I didn't make last week. This is a great crock pot soup that just gets better and better.

Friday -It's BBQ Chicken and Rice on the menu and since I crave Basque Salad, we'll have that too.

Saturday - Woohoo - leftovers!

Sunday - Cabbage Soup it is. It's still pretty hot here in the AZ desert so why I want to make this soup, I have no idea except that IT IS FABULOUS!

Monday - I've got to make Angella's Souvlaki - are you kidding? You should too! And, of course her Greek Salad!

See some other great menu ideas here at the Queen of Organizing's Blog.

top 5 costly appliances

Love it when stuff like this pops my way. I'm always looking for money saving ways to reduce our families outgo.

By Kelli B. Grant,Senior Consumer Reporter, SmartMoney.com

SURE, RELIGIOUSLY, shutting down your computer at night and using efficient compact fluorescent light bulbs can help lower your energy bills. But such small moves put little more than a dent in your total monthly tab. Thanks to higher fuel and energy costs, the average household will shell out $2,350 on electricity and gas this year, up from $2,100 in 2007, predicts the Alliance to Save Energy.

To really make those bills more manageable, go after the biggest energy guzzlers in your home: the major appliances. Here are the five worst offenders and how to pare down their costs: .

1. HVAC System
Your home's heating, ventilation and air conditioning (HVAC) system is easily the worst offender, says Maria Vargas, a spokeswoman for the government's Energy Star program. It's no surprise: Most households employ some sort of climate control 24 hours a day, seven days a week throughout both the hottest and coldest parts of the year.

In fact, heating and cooling represent 50% of the average household's annual energy bill, a total of $1,175. How to cut your bill: Program the thermostat so that the HVAC system doesn't have to work as hard while you're at work or asleep, advises Vargas.

By Energy Star estimates, you'll save $180 annually by reducing the temperature by just two degrees in the winter, and adjusting the air-conditioner two degrees higher in the summer. (Other ways to improve efficiency include sealing air leaks and maintenance.

2. Water Heater
Your water heater works around the clock to provide enough hot water for showers, laundry and dishes, among other things. As a result, it represents 13% -- the second-biggest chunk -- of your annual energy bill, according to the Department of Energy. That's $305.50 for the average household.

How to cut your bill: Dial down the heater's temperature to 120 degrees from the standard 140 degrees, advises Jennifer Thorne Amann, senior associate at American Council for an Energy-Efficient Economy. "That's a perfectly adequate temperature for all the hot-water needs in your household," she says.

Lowering the temperature 20 degrees reduces your annual bill by 6% to 10%, or $18 to $30. Another trick: Wash clothes in cold water only, suggests Amann. That alone can cut your bill by another $73 a year, while keeping your clothes just as clean.

3. Refrigerator
Is your refrigerator running? You bet -- and it periodically cycles up to draw maximum watts and keep the temperature consistent. Worse, it does so each time someone opens the refrigerator door for an extended period of time (say, to figure which foods to eat for a snack).

The fridge accounts for 5% of your annual energy bill, or $117.50 for the average household, according to the Department of Energy. Expect to pay twice that if you're one of many consumers who use an ancient, inefficient model for spare food storage in the garage or basement, warns Ronnie Kweller, a spokeswoman for the Alliance to Save Energy.

How to cut your bill: Keep it clean, advises Kweller. A refrigerator cycles on less frequently if the coils beneath and behind the unit remain clean and dust free. Keeping the fridge at a moderate temperature (36 to 38 degrees, not lower) helps, as does regularly defrosting the freezer to eliminate ice buildup on the interior coils. Got a second fridge that's been around for more than a decade? Recycle it, says Kweller. One bigger fridge is more efficient than two smaller ones. Plus, you'll knock out the $150 or more that dinosaur eats in annual energy bills.

4. Clothes Dryer
Here's a hint on just how inefficient your clothes dryer really is: "A dryer can't earn the Energy Star label right now," says Vargas. There just isn't enough information about what makes one more or less efficient than another. One thing's for certain, though -- they're all energy hogs.

Clothes washers and dryers collectively account for 6% of your annual energy bill, with the bulk of that amount coming from the dryer, according to the Department of Energy. That's $141 for the average household.

How to cut your bill: Splurge for the most energy-efficient clothes washer you can afford, advises Amann. A more efficient washer wrings more water from your clothes, cutting drying time in half. (Several states are hosting sales-tax holidays on such energy-efficient appliances, which amounts to a savings of at least 4%.) If you can't afford a new major appliance, be sure to use your dryer's moisture sensor settings. "It'll turn off as soon as the clothes are dry," says Amann. Cut your drying time in half, and you'll cut your bill in half, too.

6. Dishwasher
Loading up the dishwasher may be more efficient than hand-scrubbing stuck-on remains of last night's mac-n-cheese, but it comes with a convenience fee. Dishwasher use represents 2% of your annual energy bill, or roughly $47, according to the Department of Energy.

Cut Your Bill: Let dishes air dry instead of using the drying feature -- which doubles the appliance's power draw, recommends Kweller. That simple move could reduce your bill by $20.

redbox releases! $1 dvd rentals

Redbox hadn't noticed (what with all these great DVDs), but evidently there are lots of things on TV right now.

Word has it there's an election this year and the Olympics are on. But, friend, if all you watch is "coverage", you'll burn right out. So grab some of this week's hot new releases to avoid over-doing it.

Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus:
Best of Both Worlds Concert TourMissed the Hannah/Miley tour when it came to your town? Let redbox put you in front row – for far less than the price of a ticket. This film follows the sensational young singer on tour, and also features stars like the Jonas Brothers and her achy breaky dad, Billy Ray.

Prom Night
Between borrowing a car and stocking up on breath mints, high school kids had enough to worry about on prom night... BEFORE a sadistic killer crashed the party. Brittany Snow plays Donna, a senior whose night is pretty much ruined by the return of a murderous sociopath from her long lost past.

Street Kings
Keanu Reeves stars as a veteran cop who's dealing with both the death of his wife and with being charged in the death of another officer. Getting rough – and questioning his loyalties – is the only way to clear his name. Forrest Whitaker and Hugh Laurie round out an all-star cast.

The Scorpion King 2: Rise of a Warrior
In this prequel to The Scorpion King, fans get to learn just how (and why) the boy became the great warrior. Young Mathayus sees his father killed by an evil military commander, then plots his revenge and starts his training. Randy Couture, Jeremy Crutchley, and Andreas Wisniewski star.

Smart People
Returning from last week, this one stars Dennis Quaid as a cynical professor and recent widower. But there's no time for sadness once he finds a new lady friend (Sarah Jessica Parker) and his adopted brother (Thomas Haden Church) re-enters the picture.

Nim's Island
It's an island as big as Nim's imagination. Abigail Breslin plays a precocious young adventurer who lives on the island with her scientist father (Gerard Butler) and who, through a crazy twist of fate, befriends the reclusive author (Jodie Foster) of her favorite books. You know just what to do, movie lovers: make your picks at redbox.com, then pick them up at the redbox location near you

free messenger bag - sorta

One of my sponsors, Barnes and Nobles, has a special offer. It might be worth checking it out.

did you know? - understanding men part 8

Most of us women need to understand the men in our lives! The first step is here.

Did you know this about your husband?

1. Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected.
2. A man's anger is often a response to feeling disrespected by his wife.
3. Men are insecure.
4. Men feel the burden of being the provider for their family.
5. Men want more sex.
6. Sex means more than sex.
7. Men struggle with visual temptation.
8. Men enjoy romance, but doubt their skills to be romantic.
9. Men care about their wife's appearance.
10. Men want their wives to know how much they love

Baby Steps - Day 21 - Margins

Today's Baby Steps post (Day 21) is about margins and how we either fill them in or fill them up. A good basis for this post would be to read this- about the P31 Woman.

I’m an “ish” woman – and that means I look at time within the frame of margins and I choose to fill them in – rather than up.

I purposely look at what daily and weekly tasks (making MIP - Make It Priority lists) are necessary for me to accomplish so that I can create sanctuary.

When I make my daily/weekly MIP lists my husband is in the forefront of my thinking. He's my priority.

MY Margins have purpose
I also purposely add to my margins time with priority relationship connections that I enjoy: husband, daughters and their husbands, grandchildren and my community of faith family. Included in my margins is time for a Coffee Talk group and those women I mentor.

Speaking of those I mentor - I don't take time, give time, make time on those women not serious about doing the work it takes to follow Jesus on the Straight Path. That might sound not so nice, but in twenty - five plus years I've learned that there are those women who think they want to follow Jesus, but when there's a close look at what the entails, they don't really. I won't waste time.

ISH Woman
My “ish” means that dinner will be served at 6 ish or it means that I’ll get out the door to go shopping around 10 ish. I do not bind myself to a specific time where I must accomplish a specific task, but what I am aware of are my margins of time where I know that certain tasks or relationship connections need to be accomplished.

When I lock myself in to something like this (and I have):
Make bed – 8:00 am
Make coffee – 8:15 am
Start devotions – 8:20 am
Shower – 8:35 am . . . etc, I’d end up rigid and bark orders because time and task were the priority for accomplishment rather than relationship.

It’s margins that offer me peace, flexibility and a sense of accomplishment where my priorities are people and not task.

BALANCE between people and tasks
When there is the balance between caring for people and accomplishing tasks, I find that I end up doing just what is necessary for the day – without feeling overwhelmed.

My “to do” list and my “schedule” is NOT rigid but rather it's based on the MIP - Make IT Priority Tasks for the day or the week. In my Simple Home Notebook, I keep a running "to do" list that I'll write about later.

How do you balance people and tasks to create sanctuary? What do you consider your priority task on a daily basis? What are you tackling today?

See you in a day or ish!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Baby Steps - Day 20

Moms are busy gals and if they don't know why they're doing what they do, have a plan to do it - they'll not have that necessary centering and will often just spin. Spinning women miss God in the moment.

Just making a big "to do" list or keeping up with menus or other tasks isn't what home keeping is totally about.

If I'm about having everything perfect in my home, then I'll miss the relationship aspect. I'll miss growing in character and I'll miss getting reward. On the other hand, if I'm about neglecting the duties or tasks necessary to create sanctuary, I'll miss growing in character and getting reward too.

On Day 19 I shared a page of my Simple Home Notebook listing out my personal goals (to keep me focused) for my Kitchen Sanctuary. Goals and lists are great but only when they are managed within margins of time.

In my Simple Home Notebook, I wrote: Margins are those spaces where time exists. I have 168 hours a week and 56 of those are supposed to be for sleeping. God’s given me a pattern of work 6 and rest 1.

Next, I wrote: I am the one who designates creativity within my margins. I am the one who must know what tasks are necessary to build my home and create sanctuary. I am the one who must prioritize my tasks (to create sanctuary in my home) and I must take responsibility to prioritize my relationship connections (husband priority, children, grandkiddos, etc.) so that I continue to grow in who I am. I am the one who chooses to live my life on-purpose. I choose.

If I'm so task and list driven then I can miss the moment of love, growth and that touch of God upon my face. Within my tasks and lists, I must allow for spontaneous spaces of interruption where close relationships reign supreme.

What's in your margins today? More on my margins tomorrow.

lylah-isms on marriage

The deepest need a human being has IS to be to be accepted.

If you can make his life YOUR issue –HE can’t make it his.

A man wasn’t wired to feel “it” like you do…so stop trying to make him “feel it.”

What’s a man’s normal reaction if he’s constantly feeling rejected? Anger – which looks like defensiveness, passivity, sarcasm or silence!

A wife is to be a crown…a crown is a sign of royalty and power…. Proverbs2: 4 – your power will come through your faithfulness and your submission and your lips…are they lovely or leaky?

understanding men - part 7

Last Thursday I mentioned three kinds of guys - the passive, the abdicator and the dominator. Today, in this series Understanding Men, I want to tell you about the 'perfect' guy that every gal dreams about...Mr. Right - the gentle, understanding, communicative, romantic lover and friend, who is confident and knows how to be that servant leader that we wives know our husbands have it IN them to BE. Right? Uh...huh...

I have this idea - that no matter WHAT kind of man you're married to - if you gain understanding of WHO he is and you practice your ABC's and you come to understand that God's big in HIM - no matter what anyone else thinks - he has the potential - as a mighty man in the making - to become that mighty man that you long for.

However, instead of us - as wives - wanting HIM to become Mr. Right, we need to be Mrs. Right first. Too many times, I've seen God change the woman - getting her lined up right before I've seen Him work on the innards of the man.

Here's some steps for you to take:
1. Get understanding of what being biblical is all about.
2. Address your personal VOWS and Judgments.
3. Know your ABC's and practice them.
4. Recognize that marriage is MORE about you developing character.
5. Make a decision to make HIM shine.
6. Treat him like a king and make him your priority.
7. Don't lock him in to the past.
8. Learn to show LOTS of GRACE.
9. Respect him - even if he doesn't deserve it.
10. YOU - become a centered woman.