Wednesday, August 13, 2008

the centered woman - part 2

Because I want all women to live on purpose, I’m making a few of these upcoming Wednesdays my The Centered Woman Day.

Last week I left you hanging with wondering what in the world is a VOW and a JUDGMENT. Many of you probably thought that that wasn’t you. Hmmm….

A vow is something that’s internal. It’s what we say to ourselves when a painful event happens and it’s a decision we make to NEVER let THAT painful thing HAPPEN TO US EVER, EVER AGAIN. A vow becomes our gauge of living. When we sense that A PAINFUL EVENT is happening or at least it “feels” like it – then we act on the vow to change the course of the moment to make SURE IT DOESN’T HAPPEN. It’s fear driven. And we must manipulate people and circumstances to altar what we fear might happen.

The un-centered woman does this and she often times doesn’t recognize that she does this. But it IS her modus operandi. If you hear yourself saying, “I will NEVER or I ALWAYS” then you’ve got some vows going on and you’re most likely a miserable woman – because you are un-centered – you don’t know God’s deep abiding love for you and fear rules your life.

1 Peter 3:6 says that women are NOT to give way to fear. Gosh, look at Sarah’s husband – she had a “right” to fear, but she didn’t (her hubs was dragging her all over the place and lying that she was his sister) . . . in this situation she trusted God.

I can always tell when a woman has a vow. She manipulates, blames others and avoids the truth about herself and she’s afraid of getting to close to those who really do love and accept her. Her view of God is skewed and she doesn’t trust too many people. She has made judgments that “people will hurt me.”

Next, what are judgments? A judgment is a final conclusion about a person or situation that has a corresponding consequence of either redemption or punishment from the Judge – the one making the judgment. A judgment can either be good or bad.

When making a judgment – my husband says to know when to be weighing something and when to weigh in on something. Often, when a woman’s framework for life is fear, she’ll make a (final) judgment about a person or situation rather than have just an opinion. She’ll lock that person in without getting understanding. She will have in her own mind what she determines is a truthful conclusion – and that will be the final verdict. No grace here.

This is the un-centered woman. She isn’t a woman of grace. She doesn’t know how to give grace because she doesn’t know how to receive grace. She doesn’t receive grace because she thinks she has to earn it – because she’s still operating out of issues of shame.

In relationships, anger reveals that we’ve made a judgment – about the one who has hurt us. We come to a conclusion about that person based on an expectation or on our values. For example – when someone doesn’t come through for us the way we think they should – we get angry – to get our own way.

Because of those kinds judgments (what God is providing for me isn’t what I had in mind) the un-centered woman will create spins to manipulate others to get what she thinks she needs or has to have (in order to survive).

This is plenty to think about until next Wednesday. What are your thoughts? Feel free to post them here. Here's Part 1.

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Amy Bennett said...

Two people I know came to mind while reading this. I'd like to know how you help someone like this...or can you?

Lylah said...

hey amy - first thanks for posting and second....when people (women) get tired enough to change they will, unfortunately the pain to change has to be greater than the pain of staying the same.

also - if a woman has another woman model what being "centered" is all about (that's post is coming) then there's a possibility that she'll see "something" in that woman, be drawn to her and follow in her steps to become centered.

thanks again for saying hello today.

Pineapple Princess said...

Thank you for stopping by and leaving a sweet compliment.

Did you enter? I didn't see a picture?

You have a deep and insightful blog. Keep it up.

6HappyHearts said...

God is good! He led me to your blog 2nite through Accountability Mommy.
Great post & something I am struggling w/right now. I agree w/your comment that we can't help these friends. We can keep looking to Jesus, pray & keep our hearts centered on Him. It is a crazy storm when you find yourself caught up in manipulation. I am going to God w/deep wounds. It is hard to fathom that someone could live this way.
Thanks so much for the post & I am going to search for Part 1 ; )

Lylah said...

Hi there Happy 6 - thanks for stopping by and it makes me incredibly delighted when i know that a woman is spoken to.

wounds run deep in most women, it's just that few decide to embrace the pain and His grace so that change in the feminine soul can happen.

i went back in and added the part 1. thanks for bringing that to my attention.

another thought is to check this out:

Rachel said...

This blog is a gold mine. I wish I could sit here all day and absorb. I'm going to spend some time doing just that. Your wisdom is amazing, and I want to learn from your words. I'm adding you to my blogroll today. :)

Lylah said...! thanks so much rachel...ya made my day! i think i have been around the mountain a few times...and then back again...just what willing women to avoid some of the stupid pitfalls and to end life leaving an amazing legacy. you go girl!