Saturday, August 23, 2008

resisting to become irresistible

If I could leave one message to the girl who wants to get married - it'd be "resist to become irresistible."

That might sound strange, but there's something about a girl/woman resisting going the way of the culture to find a man rather instead waiting to be found.

Here are my Ten Ways to Become Irresistible.

1. Resist doing the online dating thing. It only hurts women and de-dignifies their femininity while some passive non pursuing guy sits behind his computer screen and looks at a pretty face, doesn't get to know the heart and who knows what else he's doing while sitting there in isolation. Guys/men are supposed to conquer. God made them that way - how in the world is that conquering? OK, there have been a few that have found their dream in each other, but did you know that here in the Phoenix Valley one of the guys on E-Harmony was a serial killer? AHHHH. Resist being so anxious and lowering yourself to that.

2. Resist pursuing a man. Don't put yourself out there and in his way. God says it's the man who FINDS the wife. (Proverbs 18:22 ) It's the perfect order and believe it or not God loves this match making thing. What man appreciates something he doesn't have to work for? Girl - let him come and get you.

3. Resist giving your heart away too soon. When you do have a relationship with a man, let him take the lead and resist telling him your feelings before he tells you his. What if the guy isn't ready for commitment and you've told him how crazy your are about him? Think he'd run? Probably.

4. Resist being anxious. Anxiety over NOT having a man leads to insecurities and insecurities leads to stupid on a stick. I know women who were so anxious because they were so insecure (in who they are and whose they are and what they are here for and where they're going = NOT centered) and have done the STUPIDEST things they totally regret.

5. Resist not making yourself totally available - until it's clear of his intent toward commitment. Learn the art of feminine mystique! You are a worthy woman of great value and make him work for you (remember Jacob worked for Rachel?) If he's not willing to work for you then he's not going to "work" for you after you're married.

6. Resist isolation. Now, that's stupid. Go have fun, enjoy life, get involved with others (groups), serve, just don't isolate! You don't grow when you isolate. Reach out to people around you.

7. Resist putting off what you really want to do. Gardening, trips, museums, learn how to dance, - do IT.

8. Resist making a list of the perfect husband. My goodness, when I met Michael, had I had a list, we'd never gotten married. Initially there was NO attraction, as a matter of fact, there was the opposite. God knit our hearts together for His purposes and His glory and Michael is the best thing for me and I for him. I love him so much and don't want to do life without him. Throw away the list out of what you think you need.

9. Resist determining how you think a man will come into your life. Be willing to let God direct the show.

10. Resist making the first move. If a man doesn't make the first move toward you then he's not interested in you (at least in that moment). Men (whether they believe this or not - it's how God wired them) need to pursue and capture. They need someone who will give them a good challenge. Don't be some guys temporary filler till his eye catches another possibility. You're better than that.

One more for free: RESIST being immodest. Come on girls, what's with that? Cover up and respect yourself enough to save the cleavage and all the other parts for the man God says will be your husband. For more reading on waiting as a bride go here and here.

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Melissa @ The Inspired Room said...

Such great tips! I've shared so many of the same sentiments with my own daughters. I'll review this list with my unmarried one! :-)

Excellent work!



Lylah said...

thanks woman!

The Milli Family said...

Great words of wisdom. I went on an online dating service for the fun of it with my sister. It was very enlightening and weird! After about two weeks I cancelled it because I could tell in my spirit it was not a healthy thing for me. Bottomline, resist anything that is not from the Lord! Thanks for your dedication.

Lylah said...

oh my gosh...2 portland friends...thanks've GOT to meet Melissa! Melissa you've GOT to meet Bonnie...

I'm networking again...what's God up to?

Bonnie..good for you are wise and i love u! kiss my girl for me, would ya?

Hannah said...

This is great! thank you so much for bringing these things into the light. I don't ever want to be some guys "temporary filler" again! I like what you said about "learning the art of feminine mystique!" Thanks for all your great posts on singleness.

Linda said...

Lylah, you have absolutely NO idea how much I needed to read your blog about singleness. Your words are great reminders of what God has already told me. I copied it down and will probably post it on my wall. :D Seriously though... how do you deal with the "why are you still single?" question? It only makes a person feel like a failure by not "hooking" a husband in a record amount of time. Or that I'm somehow not fully capable of being used by God as a single woman. Or that God has purposed for His reasons to glorify Himself in my singleness. If my life was created to give glory to God, then why are people saying I've missed the mark? Because for sometime now I've made the choice to be pursued. And if it doesn't happen then God has a purpose in that. Maybe I haven't missed the mark, maybe He never fashioned a helpmate for me. And being content, no joyful, in Christ alone (a daily prayer) is what my life is meant to be. And until God changes something, that is my place.

Octamom said...

Great post! I like the way you put all this! I'll be sharing it with my big girls~

Lylah said...'re a love. such good questions.... go here -
and i know i'll HAVE to help answer those questions that EVERY single woman asks.

Melissa Lewis - Off The Wall said...

These are great ones! Love this!

texasholly said...

This is so true and worked for me almost 20 years ago. 17 years of marriage later it is fun to think back on some of the good decisions we made. Great post.

Lylah said...

thanks mrs. "cleaver" -love that! what a great testimony!

Gillian said...

Hi Lylah - thanks for putting into words what has been tangled in my mind and on my tongue. Great to see it so simply and clearly communicated. I forwarded it to both Chris and Vonnie.

Anonymous said...

I just stumbled upon this article and for the most part, I really agree with it and think this is excellent advice for young women, and 9 out of 10 of the principles I've kept myself. But I would like to share my opinion concerning online dating. I am 27 years old and am newly engaged. I never dated much, just waited on God and lived my life accordingly and was happy. After I graduated from college and moved to a new area, got a job working with 7 married people and joined a church that I loved but was lacking in single members, my sister encouraged me to join eHarmony. At first I was totally against the idea. I viewed it as desperation. I viewed it as taking control from God about how I would meet the right one. Then I came around and I joined. It was a long process. I was a member for three years and got to know countless men. What encouraged me was that most of the men I got to know were decent, Christian men - for the longest time before I joined, I thought men like these were extinct. Also, I got to love how you got to know important details about values and such right upfront. After I joined, whenever I would be set up on dates by friends/family or would actually meet someone on my own, I found that I really disliked not 'knowing' things about these men that I would've learned about them on eHarmony, before ever talking on the phone or meeting. I never initiated contact with men on the site - and in that way I was pursued by men who were interested in me. I believe it's a much better way to meet someone than hanging out at a bar. And let's face it, it's hard to meet new people these days if you're not going to school, or if you work in an environment that doesn't allow much contact with other people. Now to the happy ending part of my story. A year and half in to my online dating experience, I met a man for dinner, had a nice time and thought he was very nice, just not right for me. That's as far as it went and I was fine when we never got together again. Then one morning I received an email from him from out of the blue - a year and a half later - saying that when we had met before he had gotten the impression I wasn't that interested in him. He'd gone on a few dates but had not been in a serious relationship since then, and had mostly been focused on building his relationship with God. For whatever reason, he said that he still thought about me, and just wanted to see if I was still available and if so, would be interested in talking. He knew he was taking a chance, but he was "just trying to let God direct his life as He saw fit." We began getting to know each other again, and after we had our "second first date," I knew he was the one, and I think the timing was just wrong the first time we met and God still had work to do in our lives - but God kept me on this man's mind. Now if that's not God bringing two followers together, I don't know what it. I discovered that online dating does not mean desperation and it doesn't have to be sleazy or dangerous - it could simply mean making yourself available to be found by someone you wouldn't normally meet in your everyday life. After years of meeting nice men who simply were not 'right' for me, I am pleased that God brought me to the one I am to marry, even if it was through a very modern method.