What's Growing in My Garden
http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2009/09/whats-growing-in-my-garden.html
Saturday, September 05, 2009
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Sex Talk - The Importance and Power of the Bedroom in Marriage
My hands have been awfully busy and dirty lately to actually sit down and blog all the thoughts I've got whirling in my head - so, until then, I'm igniting another re-post from a year ago.
I read once that every room has a mission. If you were writing a mission statement for your home what would it be? A woman’s home is an extension of her feminine soul…and it’s God-given creativity. Take a minute and walk around your home. The mission statement I'd give of my home is Celebrate Life. Even in the days where it's in a bit of a disarray, I can say that.
Head toward your bedroom.
What would the mission statement of your bedroom be? Does your bedroom say – Come on honey, let’s CELEBRATE? Is your bedroom uncluttered, as beautiful as can be, fragrant . . . like a sanctuary?
My heart is to create sanctuary and after a woman tends to her kitchen and brings order there, I'd say the master bedroom is next. I wrote about the importance in creating Sanctuary in the Master Bedroom here.
Read Hebrews 13:4. Write it down in a journal.
It IS the place where your husband comes to pursue you…
Don't let EVERYONE in Your Bedroom
I can remember when my spiritual mother told me to make our master bedroom a place of beauty and a place of sanctuary. I think of it as being the room where two lovers unite their souls as one in a sweet expression of intimacy. I'm VERY careful who comes into our bedroom. Guests rarely use our private bathroom. It's important to me to keep our room - our room (OK, except when you have 5+ grandkiddos). But, when do have a lock on our door!
Nancy (my spiritual mother) would always say that it is important for the room that to have order, look beautiful and smell lovely.
Take a second look in your bedroom. What’s it like? Is there any room for improvement? Is your ironing board in your bedroom or how about a pile of laundry waiting to be folded?
What’s the smell factor of your bedroom? Is it time to see what you can do to pretty it up?
Little Touches Make a Difference
Even if you’re on a no-budget fix up—you can still get creative with what you might have in other rooms—pillows, lighting, silk flowers, and candles. What about changing the room around? Can you repaint or wallpaper? Can you add some new curtains or a comforter? What can you do to make it a bit more romantic?
Eliminate Distractions
The first thing you can do is to eliminate distractions in the bedroom. The TV is anathema to romance. It’s a good idea to keep the bedroom free of work, computers and any thing else that would distract you.
A Sanctuary of Communion, Rest and Romance
Our master bedrooms are to be a sanctuary of communion and rest and romance—not a work place. I understand that at times there are extenuating circumstances, but if at all possible shut things off so rest and romance flow through the room.
Cap off the Day
I've been doing a sleep deprivation study and have learned that our bodies/minds don't heal if we stay up much past 10 PM. We personal make it a goal to be in bed - lights out before then. It's just healthier. It allows for pillow chat time mixed it with other good stuff.
Celebrating the Sanctuary of Love
Now that you’re CELEBRATING the sanctuary of love - and you're getting my drift. Let's do an attitude check.
Is your attitude toward sex one that says, “YES! Let’s CELEBRATE?”
Can you be sexy for your husband and what would that look like?
And, have you taken the 30 Day Sex Challenge?
Celebrate Sex
Attitude about sex is everything. God has an “attitude” about sex and women would do well to line their attitude up with his. What is your attitude about sex? Is sex on your mind? Take some time and write out your attitudes in your journal.
Attitude has to do with an inward feeling expressed with an outward behavior. “As a woman thinks—so she does.” The Bible says that out of the heart the mouth speaks. Whatever attitude we have as wives have will come out in what we do and what we say. If our “attitude” isn’t a God “attitude” then there’s great potential to deeply wound our man with our words and actions.
This sexual arena is a very “tender” one for our men.
One of God’s Attitudes Expressed in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
I'd suggest to read that passage and write it out in your journal.
Duty or Delight
That word “duty” can throw many women off balance. It has the idea of not depriving each other by taking back what has already been promised—the Celebration of Sex. That passage is saying that we have the right, the privilege, and the responsibility to please each other in the marriage bed.
As you seek to “get” a “God attitude” about sex, consider what voices you’ve heard in the past that conflict and have caused confusion about sex. Media will be a confusing voice, your mom might have been a confusing voice, the girl friends down the street might have been a wrong voice too. Those voices are good to get in touch with. God’s voice matters.
Sex and its CELEBRATION is about God—not about us.
PrayerLORD, You say that the marriage bed is holy and undefiled (Hebrews 13:4). I thank You that this is Your idea. I thank You that You created us to enjoy one another (Song of Solomon 7:6).
LORD, You have made my husband a sexual being. You have made me a sexual being. I pray that You would help me change any wrong thinking I have toward this Celebration of Marriage that is a gift.
Head toward your bedroom.
What would the mission statement of your bedroom be? Does your bedroom say – Come on honey, let’s CELEBRATE? Is your bedroom uncluttered, as beautiful as can be, fragrant . . . like a sanctuary?
Read Hebrews 13:4. Write it down in a journal.
It IS the place where your husband comes to pursue you…
Don't let EVERYONE in Your Bedroom
I can remember when my spiritual mother told me to make our master bedroom a place of beauty and a place of sanctuary. I think of it as being the room where two lovers unite their souls as one in a sweet expression of intimacy. I'm VERY careful who comes into our bedroom. Guests rarely use our private bathroom. It's important to me to keep our room - our room (OK, except when you have 5+ grandkiddos). But, when do have a lock on our door!
Nancy (my spiritual mother) would always say that it is important for the room that to have order, look beautiful and smell lovely.
Take a second look in your bedroom. What’s it like? Is there any room for improvement? Is your ironing board in your bedroom or how about a pile of laundry waiting to be folded?
What’s the smell factor of your bedroom? Is it time to see what you can do to pretty it up?
Little Touches Make a Difference
Even if you’re on a no-budget fix up—you can still get creative with what you might have in other rooms—pillows, lighting, silk flowers, and candles. What about changing the room around? Can you repaint or wallpaper? Can you add some new curtains or a comforter? What can you do to make it a bit more romantic?
Eliminate Distractions
The first thing you can do is to eliminate distractions in the bedroom. The TV is anathema to romance. It’s a good idea to keep the bedroom free of work, computers and any thing else that would distract you.
A Sanctuary of Communion, Rest and Romance
Our master bedrooms are to be a sanctuary of communion and rest and romance—not a work place. I understand that at times there are extenuating circumstances, but if at all possible shut things off so rest and romance flow through the room.
Cap off the Day
I've been doing a sleep deprivation study and have learned that our bodies/minds don't heal if we stay up much past 10 PM. We personal make it a goal to be in bed - lights out before then. It's just healthier. It allows for pillow chat time mixed it with other good stuff.
Celebrating the Sanctuary of Love
Now that you’re CELEBRATING the sanctuary of love - and you're getting my drift. Let's do an attitude check.
Is your attitude toward sex one that says, “YES! Let’s CELEBRATE?”
Can you be sexy for your husband and what would that look like?
And, have you taken the 30 Day Sex Challenge?
Celebrate Sex
Attitude about sex is everything. God has an “attitude” about sex and women would do well to line their attitude up with his. What is your attitude about sex? Is sex on your mind? Take some time and write out your attitudes in your journal.
Attitude has to do with an inward feeling expressed with an outward behavior. “As a woman thinks—so she does.” The Bible says that out of the heart the mouth speaks. Whatever attitude we have as wives have will come out in what we do and what we say. If our “attitude” isn’t a God “attitude” then there’s great potential to deeply wound our man with our words and actions.
This sexual arena is a very “tender” one for our men.
One of God’s Attitudes Expressed in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
I'd suggest to read that passage and write it out in your journal.
Duty or Delight
That word “duty” can throw many women off balance. It has the idea of not depriving each other by taking back what has already been promised—the Celebration of Sex. That passage is saying that we have the right, the privilege, and the responsibility to please each other in the marriage bed.
As you seek to “get” a “God attitude” about sex, consider what voices you’ve heard in the past that conflict and have caused confusion about sex. Media will be a confusing voice, your mom might have been a confusing voice, the girl friends down the street might have been a wrong voice too. Those voices are good to get in touch with. God’s voice matters.
Sex and its CELEBRATION is about God—not about us.
Prayer
LORD, You have made my husband a sexual being. You have made me a sexual being. I pray that You would help me change any wrong thinking I have toward this Celebration of Marriage that is a gift.
Father, grace us to gain an understanding of one another's distinct physical
differences and help us to appreciate these differences rather than be irritated by them.
LORD, help me to completely give myself to my husband and to fully enjoy our times of lovemaking. Help me to release everything from my mind and to enter into our times of lovemaking with one focus—the pleasure of intimacy in this realm of romantic love (Song of Solomon 8:13-14).
Father, bless my husband's sexuality. I pray that he would become strong and . . . .you fill in the blank!
Labels:
The Power of the Bedroom
Garden-Shed Crate Cabinets
Martha shared this great idea using vintage wine crates as cabinetry in a garden shed. Love it. I'm on a hunt for some. Got any?
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Becoming an On Purpose Home Keeper
Kari just sent a sweet comment note this morning on this older post. Made me think it might be timely for some readers to re-post it! As you're seeking to become 'on purpose' in managing your home, walking with queenly dignity in your roles as wife, mother and friend - take a moment and say "hello" over at my French Home and Garden - La Maison et le Jardin. I've been spending time gardening over there. I'd love for you to add LaMaison et le Jardin to your follow list.
. . . .a bit of my garden.
Today is Day 6 in my series on Baby Steps and one of the things that I love about being a writer is not only the opportunity I have to encourage so many women (I've been so jazzed about with all the emails and notes yesterday - scroll down to see one), but more so what it does for me.
See, I am in no way perfect. I have not arrived. I am in process. And, when I write what I know is true, what I know is Biblical, what I know works and what I know honors God - I get reminded. I get to be challenged all over again. I don't know about you, but I need that. I need the kick in the pants - as I run this race . . . as God develops character (His) in me - for the sake of the Kingdom and That Day (2 Corinthians 5:7-11).
So, before I move on to some practical how to stuff, I want to address (again) how vital a woman’s attitude is toward her home and her husband and toward her role.
Unfortunately, so many women have had NOTHING biblical modeled. It was my generation (sorry girls) who left the home in mass. We were a bunch of angry women who left our homes to pursue something we thought would actually be more fulfilling. What we left was a mess. I'll write more about the mess we left on another day.
A woman’s attitude toward her home front is just about everything. What you think about what your role is and what God says about it matters.
About eighteen years ago, I realized that I'd torn my house down. Yup, I did. I disrespected Michael, tried to make him and our daughters perfect - because if they were all perfect, then everyone would think that I was perfect and then I'd be OK. It was foolish and destructive. My expectations were ridiculous. I didn't understand my role. I didn't understand how to Create Sanctuary or any of the Simple Home Principles. Today I do. I am passionate about them - ask the girls I face to face disciple.
God's grace and truth got a hold of my heart and He directed my steps to be on-purpose to rebuild my home front. I did these three things:
A – I Assessed my home front (marriage, parenting, home keeping skills)
B – I Become Biblical
C – I recognized God’s heart for Character over Convenience
I know from the letters that I receive that many of my readers are in the same boat that I was eighteen years ago. Whether or not that's you, here's your Lylah Assignment for the Day :-)
Your Becoming and On-Purpose Home Keeper Assignment (I am a teacher, ya know.) is to journal. Do the best you can. I know you are ALL very, very busy moms. At least read through the questions and hear God's heart toward you about them.
Assess your home front. Where are you doing well and where do you need to grow in those three main areas?
Journal your answers to these questions:
What is the condition of my home? Is it a mess - clutter every where? Is there peace, unity, harmony?
Are there unresolved conflicts? Am I bitter about unresolved hurts from the past? Do I with hold sex from my husband or use it to manipulate him? Do I have a list of excuses as to why I can’t/don’t want to make love? More on this one later.
Are kind words the norm or is the tone more sarcastic or harsh? If so, why? Do my words edify and build up? Do I complain? Do I manipulate? Do I nag, grumble?
Do I have an attitude of submission and do I show my husband respect? Do I understand that he is God's authority in the home and do I understand what my husband's vision is and do I follow it?
Is communication surface or on a more intimate level? Does my husband’s heart trust me?
Do I wisely manage my time?
Am I content and does it show with joy? Am I always wanting more? Do I compare myself to other women?
Do I prepare nutrition meals for my family?
Am I a busy body?
Do I say things about my husband to others that uncovers his weaknesses…those character areas that God is working on? Do I correct his story in public . . . thus shaming him?
Do I place my children’s needs over that of my husbands? Do I serve my children and train my husband?
Is what I’m about to do going to help my husband? How am I affirming his leadership? Do I know what it means to express my femininity through supporting his leadership? How do I minister to my husband? How do I show him that I am fond of him?
Do I fully understand my biblical job description? Do I fully understand my husband’s biblical job description?
Do I see my husband in light of how God sees him? Or, do I have my husband locked in to patterns of the past? Do the choices I make serve me or my husband? Do I have a love for my home?
Is the God-designed creative nurture expressed within my home?
I have so appreciated your personal emails to me. It’s encouraging to know that I’m hitting the mark. Email with questions or comments at Lylahl@aol.com or leave them here.
I’ll see you back here tommorrow.
Here’s one I received last night (with permission to share):
Hi Lylah,
My name is Faith. I heard about your site and book from Stephanie @ keeperofthehome.
First, I'd like to say that I have been really touched by what I've read on your site so far. The areas you write about: journaling, making your home a sanctuary, loving our husbands, prayer, and more are close to my heart. However, they are all definitely areas I need and want to grow in. As I read your site, continually I said to myself, "Yes! That's what I've been thinking about...or Yes! I want to be that person. (Side note: I've tried many times to explain to my husband or a friend why journaling is important to me, but never seem to be able to convey exactly what I mean. I think from now on I'll just read them some excerpts from your site on journaling! That is my heart!)
In case you've missed one - here's Day 5, Day 4, Day 3, Day 2, Day 2, Day 1 and my intro. This works for me!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
