Simple Home Living: 8/10/08

Saturday, August 16, 2008

lylah-isms on marriage

I'm a die hard for marriage and I'm going to start posting Lylahisms. Hope the message comes across!

You’re love for Jesus is revealed in the way you admire, respect, adore, support and care for your man.

If you’re truly accepting – you won’t get defensive. In order to give acceptance – you’ve got to receive it – you can’t give what you don’t own – the fact that you can’t give it means you haven’t really received acceptance from Jesus.

Love comes through in the hard places and it looks like respect and self-control.

Stop telling him what to do or how to do it. He doesn't need or want another mamma.

Remember your first kissy moment and relieve it often!

Friday, August 15, 2008

the pastor on marriage

Being a pastor, my husband, has the fun privilege of marrying couples. Recently, this was the message he gave at a little wedding. It's worthy to read, print and post on your blog or your mirror as a daily reminder of what makes a good marriage.

"You are like two streams, coming together to make one mighty river. There is a mystery here in marriage. You don't lose your identity; you keep your identity, but you become "one" - there's a new and more glorious identity together than there would be if you were not together.

It's like the color BLUE coming together with the color RED - creating an new and more royal color PURPLE. The BLUE is always the color BLUE and RED is always RED, but, keeping our identity, yet coming together, there is a NEW COLOR THAT'S PRODUCED - a more GLORIOUS color.

Then Michael said:

"Marriage is about...

1) ...TASTES: you get to taste the joys of life together in a more glorious way than if you were single. Sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, having children together, sharing experiences together, growing old together...not being alone, These tastes are gifts from God that He gives you to enjoy - so, ENJOY THE TASTES OF LIFE TOGETHER.

2) ...TESTING: not like a school test - but marriage has a way of putting our character to the test like no other relationship. Being this close to someone, living with your spouse day after day is a way that God is developing character in us.

We may think we're in a place of maturity, but, what happens in the home is the true test of maturity. The husband may think that he is mature in the area of love, but marriage has a way of showing us just how shallow our love may be and how we continually need to grow out of our own selfishness into being more loving. The wife may think she's very respectful, but when her husband acts foolishly, then she discovers how immature she may be in this area of being respectful.

The test is for EVALUATION and PURIFICATION - so that God's glorious character can be worked in us. Marriage is a wonderful way God uses to purify us and to build character in us. SO, BE FAITHFUL IN THE TESTS OF LIFE.

3) ...TEAM WORK: Approaching life not just as individuals, but as a couple...combining our talents, our personalities together has a way of MULTIPLYING our individual gifts.

Though it seems to be easier for me to do "my own thing" and for my wife to do "her thing," but though it's more difficult to do things together, it's SO WORTH IT. It's an effort that demands finding a way to blend BOTH of our talents and personalities, but the payoff is great.

To put it more concisely: though there are things that we do alone (and we ought to do some things as individuals - that's good and healthy), yet, keep working on finding things to do together - fun things, social things, productive things.

The life you experience together can be TWICE as rich and productive as the life you experience alone. SO, WORK ON DOING THINGS AS A TEAM...THERE'S A GREATER GLORY THERE!"

marriage matters

I mentor women who are married and those who want to be married. Great job, eh?! I love it. I learn much about the heart of younger women who really really really want to be married.

The one thing that women seem to struggle with most is being set to follow the man - anywhere. What I mean by this is that a "wife to-be" must be willing to let her "call" or her "passions" take second place to the role of a wife - that which is to follow him.

God created women to be responders and to follow. He placed her in the supportive role. In 1 Corinthians 11:9, Paul says that the woman was made for the man and not the man for the woman.

I know this is a hard pill (truth) for many women to grasp. Often a young woman will say yes with her words, "I'll follow you to the ends of the earth." But, when push comes to shove and his personal vision doesn't line up with hers, she'll panic and what's really in her heart will start coming out. In this case she's more interested in her call and her passion rather than what she says she wants and that's to be married.

Guys - if you're looking for a wife, and it's YOU who needs to be looking (not on the computer screen on E-Harmony either), then look for one who is "set to follow." Ask her if she's willing to follow you and leave her ministry to follow your vision which most likely won't line up with her "ministry." If she's not - don't marry her.

Does a woman's "call" or "passion" get in the way of being a wife and fulfilling that role biblically? How do you think it can work? Can a "call" be an idol and if so, how would you know? Got thoughts, let's hear them.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

7 + ways to save money

Like you, I'm trying to find ways to seal up the money leaks in our home. As a home keeper, and the one who spends most of the money (food, clothes, etc.) I feel a sense of responsibility to find every way to save. My motto is " if I save $$ then I make $$.

Check out these 7 Ways to Save $$ from Consumer Reports Money Lab . I am sure one of these will help you seal up at least one of those leaks

No. 1: Find Cheaper Auto Insurance
Average savings: $65
How to do it.
Start at the Web site of the National Association of Insurance Commissioners, and click on NAIC States & Jurisdictions to find your state's insurance department. Most provide comparative premium quotes based on standard customer profiles. If your state doesn't, you can get quotes from insurers by phone or over the Internet.

No. 2: Optimize Your Life Insurance Average savings: $110
How to do it.
Life-insurance premiums have dropped so dramatically since the 1990s, it will probably pay for you to replace a policy bought years ago with a comparable one. Get a physical checkup and follow your doctor's advice for shaping up before applying for a new policy. Get quotes and don't cancel your existing policy until you have a new one already in place.

No. 3: Shop Smart for Food Average savings: $200
How to do it.
Plan menus around sales on fresh poultry, fish, meat, dairy, and produce, and make use of leftovers. Avoid costly prepared meals. Try less-expensive store brands. Sign up for store discount cards. Stock up on sale-priced staples. Eat more low-priced, high-nutrition foods such as beans and potatoes, says Andrea Carlson, a USDA economist.

No. 4: Stop Paying Bank Fees Average savings: $25.
How to do it.
Bank at a large institution with lots of ATMs in convenient locations to avoid the cost of using other banks' machines—as much as $4 per withdrawal. And use the no-fee cash-back option at supermarkets.

No. 5: Call Up Phone Savings Average savings: $35
How to do it.
Peruse your last few months' phone bills to assess how many minutes you typically use on landline and wireless calls. Comparison shop among cellular service providers, the local phone company, independent long-distance carriers, and your cable TV company. Don't buy more than you need, such as an unlimited cellular plan if you rarely go over 900 minutes per month.

No. 6: Pay Off Your Credit Card Average savings: $65
How to do it.
Paying off your balance is easier said than done. The trick is to stop charging. Then pay more than the minimum required each month until it's paid off. Dig up cash for this from your U.S. Treasury stimulus check, garage sales, or extra work part-time.

No. 7: Increase Your 401(k) Contribution Average tax savings: $125
How to do it.
If you're not already contributing the maximum, put more into your 401(k), IRA, or other tax-deferred retirement account. You'll also cut the amount of income tax you'll pay each month. (Note that this does not apply to Roth accounts.)

In these days of economic uncertainty, how do you save money?

Here's a list of savvy Moms who are sealing up leaks on their home fronts:
Stephanie at Keeper of the Home has a WHOLE BUNCH of fantastic frugal posts.
Amy at Mom Advice shows you one way here.
Lindsay with Passionate Home Keeping here.
Crystal's Money Saving Mom has money saving tips for a move.
Meredith at Like Merchant Ships has 5 Lessons on Frugality- How to Live Well on Less.

the centered woman - part 2

Because I want all women to live on purpose, I’m making a few of these upcoming Wednesdays my The Centered Woman Day.

Last week I left you hanging with wondering what in the world is a VOW and a JUDGMENT. Many of you probably thought that that wasn’t you. Hmmm….

A vow is something that’s internal. It’s what we say to ourselves when a painful event happens and it’s a decision we make to NEVER let THAT painful thing HAPPEN TO US EVER, EVER AGAIN. A vow becomes our gauge of living. When we sense that A PAINFUL EVENT is happening or at least it “feels” like it – then we act on the vow to change the course of the moment to make SURE IT DOESN’T HAPPEN. It’s fear driven. And we must manipulate people and circumstances to altar what we fear might happen.

The un-centered woman does this and she often times doesn’t recognize that she does this. But it IS her modus operandi. If you hear yourself saying, “I will NEVER or I ALWAYS” then you’ve got some vows going on and you’re most likely a miserable woman – because you are un-centered – you don’t know God’s deep abiding love for you and fear rules your life.

1 Peter 3:6 says that women are NOT to give way to fear. Gosh, look at Sarah’s husband – she had a “right” to fear, but she didn’t (her hubs was dragging her all over the place and lying that she was his sister) . . . in this situation she trusted God.

I can always tell when a woman has a vow. She manipulates, blames others and avoids the truth about herself and she’s afraid of getting to close to those who really do love and accept her. Her view of God is skewed and she doesn’t trust too many people. She has made judgments that “people will hurt me.”

Next, what are judgments? A judgment is a final conclusion about a person or situation that has a corresponding consequence of either redemption or punishment from the Judge – the one making the judgment. A judgment can either be good or bad.

When making a judgment – my husband says to know when to be weighing something and when to weigh in on something. Often, when a woman’s framework for life is fear, she’ll make a (final) judgment about a person or situation rather than have just an opinion. She’ll lock that person in without getting understanding. She will have in her own mind what she determines is a truthful conclusion – and that will be the final verdict. No grace here.

This is the un-centered woman. She isn’t a woman of grace. She doesn’t know how to give grace because she doesn’t know how to receive grace. She doesn’t receive grace because she thinks she has to earn it – because she’s still operating out of issues of shame.

In relationships, anger reveals that we’ve made a judgment – about the one who has hurt us. We come to a conclusion about that person based on an expectation or on our values. For example – when someone doesn’t come through for us the way we think they should – we get angry – to get our own way.

Because of those kinds judgments (what God is providing for me isn’t what I had in mind) the un-centered woman will create spins to manipulate others to get what she thinks she needs or has to have (in order to survive).

This is plenty to think about until next Wednesday. What are your thoughts? Feel free to post them here. Here's Part 1.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

what's lylah serving for dinner this week?

I thrive when I plan and live on purpose. Summers tend to be lazy days, but now that we're moving toward fall when margins can run full, I'm getting into the swing of purposeful menu planning again. I am using Google Calendars to work my menus. Love that thing!

I'm joining Laura's Menu Planning Brigade and because Michael and I went away for the weekend and I just got back today, I'm late in posting "What's Lylah serving for dinner?"

Tonight (Tuesday the 12th)
I served Italian Marinara with Turkey Meatballs and Pasta. Simple and makes hubs happy!

Wednesday the 13th
I'll serve Roasted Rosemary Chicken with potatoes and carrots (from our garden). I'll add a simple green salad and it'll be all good!

Thursday the 14th
Thursday's are Michael's men's group night, and he usually has dinner out so I'll be making myself a Basque Salad. It's important to add salt, the white wine vinegar and then add Spanish olive. It has to be in that order (some crazy reason it makes a difference) and it has to be Spanish olive oil. I could eat this salad every day.

Friday the 15th
Black beans with pieces of chicken, tomatoes, cheddar cheese tucked into spelt tortillas and drenched with some great salsa! Simple and complete dinner.

Saturday the 16th
I'm serving one of our favorite soups - Tortilla Soup. This is a fantastic crock pot soup.

Sunday the 17th
Sunday evening is our home group night and we'll grill burgers. Everyone comes and brings burgers. We're hosting this group at our home.

Monday the 18th
Left over Tortilla Soup - it just gets better! I'll serve a simple green salad and we'll have some yummy bread!

Tuesday the 19th
I've got to make and serve Lindsay's Grilled Veggie Sandwich and so I will.

Wednesday the 20th
I'm making Madras Curry & rice.

Lunches at our home consists of leftovers, sandwiches and soups. Here's the list of all my soups.

Breakfast is consistent with one of the following:
steel cut oats,
Good enough to eat pancakes,
french toast,
eggs and toast and bacon,
crepes and on
special occasions I serve ableskivers. Yum!

Baby Steps to Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper – Day 19

I'm picking up my Baby Step series and today is the 19th day of this series.

The past few Baby Steps have been about using a notebook to help establish and maintain order on the home front. I started my Simple Home Notebook in France and since coming back home to Arizona, I’ve re-written my sections into a new notebook that has lines.

Every woman has to have a plan in order to build her home and stay on purpose. Right? And, what’s the purpose? To create a home that is sanctuary and to leave a (good) legacy that lasts to our family.

I finished writing down the purpose of each serving center which I decided to rename: Sanctuary Space.

I have my Kitchen Sanctuary, Master Bedroom Sanctuary, Master Bath Sanctuary, Dining Room Sanctuary and so on.

Calling the space Sanctuary helps remind me of my goal to create sanctuary in all the space of our home.

On each Sanctuary space page, I’ve written the purpose and my goals for that space.

For example in my Kitchen Sanctuary I wrote these goals:

1. Monday Menu planning – allow room for spontaneity and Tuesday shopping.

Here Amy has grocery saving money tips. Org. Junkie Queen, Laura uses Mondays to inspire women to menu plan and here Toblerone shares her menu planning tip using Google Calendar. I’ve just recently started employing Google Calendar and I LOVE it.

About eighteen years ago I was a fan of once a month cooking, but weekly menu planning works best for me in this season of my life. Rachel writes about Batch Cooking here.

2. Maintain a well stocked and organized pantry.

3. Keep my linen closet neatly organized.

4. Plan, plant and regularly attend to our vegetable garden and incorporate the produce into meals.

5. Organize my recipes and evaluate my present system. I like what Lindsay has done here.

6. Keep my countertops (working space) free of unnecessary stuff. De-clutter, de-clutter and do it again is my mantra.

8. Purge old spices and maintain the alphabetized organization. Maintain the organization in my other storage cupboards.

9. Create beauty at my family table with colorful and delicious food – to have the display as wonderful as the food and the company around the table.

10. Keep it all simple.

Simplify is a running Lylah theme and Lindsay has an excellent post on her Kitchen Simplification process.

As this Becoming a Purposeful Home Keeper series just about wraps up, I’d love to hear how it’s been helpful for you to think about creating sanctuary and being on purpose in your home.

understanding men - part 5

I know this Lylah Blog subject is needed because of the comments you are making - to me personally. It's NOT an easy subject to write about and yet an important one. Today's Understanding Men topic has to do with men who marry mom.

Don’t Marry Mommy
God designed the man to cleave to his wife – not his mommy. Unfortunately, some men try to marry a mommy (because they never reckoned with mom) and, also unfortunately, many women become mommy out of their own ignorance, insecurities, or fears.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this book! It's a MUST read! According to The Mom Factor: when a man has not gotten what he has needed in the mothering process and if detachment didn’t happen he’ll walk with a limp.

This kind of limp isn’t a good one. Remember, Jacob walked with a limp because he had to wrestle with God. And woman - if you're husband is wrestling with God and anger is coming out - just duck - a lot and don't make HIS anger YOUR issue. Pray and practice 1 Peter 3:1-6 and hold on to Him who will see you through.

This man will take that limp into his marriage. A man with a limp will either be passive or passive aggressive with subtle unresolved anger/control issues toward women.

Again, according The Mom Factor, a man has to finish his business with mom. Some of this business is that of connecting. It’s with his mom that he learned to connect, get close and trust. If the connecting factors aren’t finished, the man will potentially battle fear of getting close to another woman. He’ll start to depend on her, then fear will take over, and then he’ll run. If he doesn’t run – he’ll fight. The woman in a relationship with this type of man needs to know that he may be looking for someone who’ll mother him and not be a wife.

If a man has unfinished issues with his mom, then every woman he has a relationship with has the potential to become a mother to him. He’ll regress into a little boy or teenager and try to turn the woman he cares about (if she lets him) into his mother. In this time, this man will operate out of a lot of anger. Some men, who don’t marry because they are afraid of making commitment, will turn women they use into what I call “little wives.”

What this man needs most is a woman who understands where he's at and accepts him where he's at (not trying to change him), believes the best in him, comes along side him (in the way he desires) and sees that God's big in this man - no matter what kind of passive agressive behavior is coming out. The ticket here is - again the RESPECT for the man. If you need a refresher on RESPECT then go here.

On Thursday, I'll address the four kinds of men. See you then.

Monday, August 11, 2008

hackers are using facebook to spread virus

I just got an email from a Facebook friend who'd been hacked. She writes:

Hi Friends, I'm writing everyone, because i'm not sure how many people received some SPAM on their wall today from persumably me. I just noticed that a few of my family members had messages from "me" on their wall spamming them.

I just wanted to let you know if you did or ever receive anything like this from me, that it is NOT me. I'm not sure how someone was able to send stuff through my account, but I did just change my password and wrote Facebook a letter. Please let me know if it ever happens again. Also, if you are familiar with this type of thing and could give me advice on how to deal with it, I would really appreciate it.

Then, I read this at Switched dot com:
Usually walls are used to keep things out, you know, like the wind, or bugs, or barbarian invaders.

Ironic, then, that Facebook's iconic Wall, the thing that helped to set it apart from MySpace and grab a huge share of the online social networking space, is actually being used by some to spread malicious software capable of turning your machine into a zombie, so that others with bad intents can control it and make it do their bidding online.

The "attack" is actually rather unsophisticated -- just a link posted to the wall to a site that supposedly has a video of, what else, a celebrity caught in a private moment doing naughty things with a special someone.

Naturally the site doesn't have any such video, just a fake version of the Flash plugin that is actually the malware itself. You're prompted to install it to view the video and, once installed, your machine is theirs for the taking So, as always, be careful where you click, keep your virus scanner up to date, and only install plug-ins like that from official sources, like Adobe.com.

6 key steps to write a one-flesh (marriage) purpose statement

Here, I wrote about WHY we believe that every married couple should write a One-Flesh Purpose Statement and I realize many people don't know the first step to take to write one.

Here's how (thanks to my hubs) we developed ours:

1) First, we recognized that God has purposed our marriage to glorify Him not just individually, but together. The together partnership is what we call the “double-glory” ministry and our individual ministry is what we call 1/2 glory.

That “double or 1/2 glory” statement gives us a nudge to move away from our tendency toward independent living to discover that glorious purpose God deposited in our marriage relationship. I mean, who wants to give God 1/2 the glory when we can give Him “double-glory?”

We believe God has deposited in every marriage relationship a double-glory purpose that we cannot fulfill without our spouse.

2) Second, we acknowledged our tendency to not only act independently, but see the diligent work it takes to move together as one - praying together, learning together, speaking the same language, moving together in God’s ways to bless others (rather than just individually—which is good, but not if it’s main thing –for it’s against God’s very design and purpose for our marriage). That’s when we got idea of the “1/2 glory or double-glory.”

3) Next, we acknowledged how “ministry” can be such a divider of marriage. We believe that God wants both marriage and ministry to be a blessing together—as we minister together. We also saw how many “ministry marriages” failed or are failing, and we didn’t want to be another statistic—growing apart from each other. We want to draw closer together as we grow in the Lord and we understand that it won’t happen if we each continue to do our own thing.

4) So, we resolved to move together, roll up our sleeves and get started—first with a purpose statement for our marriage. We believe that a purpose statement brings out the best in us and keeps us stretching, reaching for the prize when things are difficult. Also, just the act of wrestling through it and writing it down brought us a lot closer together.

5) We thought of areas that we already discovered that we do together well—areas we enjoyed doing together—that God has blessed —like hospitality. That’s why we have in our statement “opening up our home…”

6) Building on that, we discussed together what we could picture ourselves doing together. We started to get a few lines that we agreed upon and kept massaging it. Even this statement has been recently reformed.

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU’VE DISCOVERED YOUR LIFE-GIVING ONE-FLESH PURPOSE STATEMENT?

It will be just that: Life-giving! It will float your boat when you read it, when you think about it. Everybody’s “one-flesh” purpose is different. Don’t stop until both of you can say, “YES! THAT’S US! THAT’S WHAT GOD HAS PURPOSED FOR US! THAT FLOATS MY BOAT!” You’ll know you hit it when you write it down and you can say that. Here’s ours. It may not mean a lot to you, but it sure floats our boat!

why write a one-flesh (marriage) purpose statement?

Michael and I have a 'one-flesh' purpose statment and it's one of the things that anchors us so that we can move together, verses moving independently - which is the tendency of any one's self protective and proud flesh.

Just about every married couple we talk to, we interject the value of discovering together and writing a one-flesh purpose statement.

My husband writes:
Reason to develop a one-flesh purpose statement
After developing an individual purpose statement, the one-flesh purpose statement keeps us on track as we go for reward.

In other words, the one-flesh purpose statement which we form together, brings out the best in us and nudges us to move together instead of independently, thereby protecting the very purpose of our marriage—which is to glorify Him by growing in character & attaining His greatest reward!

21 tips for marriage

Yesterday, Michael and I celebrated 21 years of blissful married life. We're a blended family, and have far exceeded the statistics of most blended families dissolving within five years. As we drove to Prescott, AZ ( a very quaint community), we thought it'd be fun to write down 21 Things We've Learned in 21 Years of Marriage.

1. On our first anniversary, we heard an older couple talk about the "us and the them." We were the "us" and everyone else (kids and in laws included) became the "them." We drew a circle around our "us" to protect it. Have you?

2. Michael said, "You have to be IN IT (the marriage) or it's JUST A GAME. One can't get around it. You won't get any benefits and you'll just use the other person instead of really learning the true blessing of giving love and respect.

3. Listening. We are still learning and we work on practicing this because we value each other enough to slow down our own world and hear the other person's heart. Here are 10 Quick Keys to Learn to Listen.

4. Be extremely gracious with each others inconsistencies and quirks ( those little things that drive you crazy).

5. See the core (the person as to who they really are - the one that God sees) and speak to the core (believe the best of them-rather than lock them into past patterns) and grace the crud (the junk that sometimes seeps out in those moments where we knee jerk to life).

6. Don't knee jerk in a conflict and if you do recognize that it's because of your own sense of shame. Find out what the core root of that shame is and face is and make it be your servant rather than be a slave to it.

7. Develop and implement a weekly Marriage Staff Meeting that insures one-flesh movement. It's natural to tend to gravitate toward our own worlds and we do so unless we discuss and make plans for our world that fits into His world (God's). We have our own guide available if you email me at: lylahl@aol.com.

8. Discover and develop a personal life purpose (or mission) statement. Pen it down. Mine is: I live to use my power of influence to love deeply and change the world around me for the sake of the Kingdom.

9. Years ago we learned about something we call an arena. Arena's must be defined. I'll post a separate post to explain this. Understanding arenas have helped us in a huge way.

10. Men - learn how to love and women learn how to show respect.

11. Discover and develop a 'one-flesh' purpose statement. Need reason to write one? Need help to write one?

12. A significant change happened in our marriage when my heart turned totally homeward and toward my husband after I wrote Power Prayers for Your Mighty Man. There's just something about talking to God about your husband that turns your heart. Indeed a tip! If you email me at LylahL@aol.com (after you post a comment here) and I'll send you a gift copy of my book.

13. Discovering and agreeing upon what kind of healthy family boundaries (in-laws and siblings) need to be established and then setting them and committing to them is a KEY tip for your marriage.

14. This tip is for wives: learn to follow the leadership of your husband even if it doesn't seem as if he knows for sure where he's going.

15. Another "for wives tip" - don't tell him what to do or how to do it.

16. One more "for wives tip" - don't make his anger your issue. It's NOT and if you make it yours by trying to fix it - you'll get in God's way. If you struggle with anger, find out why and face that pain and that fear.

17. Go to bed together and go to bed (generally) by 10 pm. Or at least get eight to nine hours of sleep. So many conflicts happen after 9 pm, so we don't talk about anything "deep" after 9 pm and then often by the morning none of it mattered much anyway.

18. Establish family meal time. Eat together - it's spiritual and there's power in the table. In the early days of our marriage we started celebrating Shabbat on Friday nights. For years we continued Shabbat and for some reason it fell by the way side. We are in the process of re-establishing it.

19. Learn to do hospitality and do it together. We love serving together and have figured out who does what well - you know - part of our one-flesh purpose.

20. Become best friends. This can only be viewed in explorer.

21. Learn to be comfortable and feel accepted talking about EVERY area of your sex life. Married couples must work everything and anything out so that this celebration of marriage becomes your greatest blessing and gift you give to each other.

What's your marriage tip?

understanding men - part 4

Today is part 4 of Understanding Men. I want to address why it's SO VERY important that a boy identify with his dad's role.

I can't stress it enough. It’s really important for a boy to identify with his dad’s male role. In childhood, little boys need much affirmation from dad. In adolescence, a son moves further and further away from his childhood dependency on mom. This move often happens with aggression.

One of my favorite books, besides the Silence of Adam and Healing the Masculine Soul is Leanne Payne's Crisis in Masculinity. In this she writes:

If mom is able to encourage her son to be strong as he enters the world, to find women of his choice, to rough and tumble in his favorite competitive arenas, and to remain respectful of her in his budding aggression, he continues the path—the path of being fully alive in his masculinity and appreciating his God-given man-ness. Eventually he leaves her altogether and then in one sense, he returns.

Mother must be reckoned with. If a man doesn't act during childhood, then he must act during adolescence or when an adult, but he must reckon with her. Without that, his maturity level will be stunted. If a man hasn’t done well with his mother – than he’ll not do well with his wife. These conflicts of the masculine soul must be worked out. If not, he'll attempt to work them out on his wife.

I'll continue with the subject of men marrying their "moms" tomorrow.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

i celebrate marriage

Today is OUR 21st anniversary.

Happy Anniversary to us, happy anniversary to us

. . .happy anniversary to ussss

. . . happy anniversary to us!

Oh, sorry, what I have in mind is to post (tommorrow)
What We've Learned in 21 Years of Marriage ( a blended family and all). It'll be good, for sure.

So, what have YOU learned thus far in YOUR marriage? Come on, don't be shy!

love it love it love it

LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT.

41 year old mom ROCKS!

This mom rocks. Dara Torres, writes yet another chapter in the Olympic history books. The 41-year-old mother wins her 10th career Olympic medal with a silver in the 400-meter freestyle relay, and becomes the oldest Olympic swimmer ever to win a medal.

If you're under 41 - what do you want to accomplish by that age?

If you're over 41 - what do you wish you'd accomplish by that age?

do hemorrhoids affect your faith?

This pastor's wife (glad it's not me) Victorian Olsteen's making the news with an allegagtion:

Sharon Brown alleges in a civil lawsuit that Victoria Osteen, co-pastor of Houston's popular Lakewood Church, assaulted her during a Dec. 19, 2005 flight from Houston to Vail, Colo., by throwing her against an airplane bathroom door. She also alleges Osteen elbowed her in the left breast.

My favorite part is that the alleged "victim" claims "that she suffers from anxiety and hemorrhoids because of the incident and said her faith was affected. S he is also suing Osteen for medical expenses for counseling."

My question is: do hemorrhoids affect your faith? If you don't like that question how about this one: what does affect your faith?