Tuesday, August 12, 2008

understanding men - part 5

I know this Lylah Blog subject is needed because of the comments you are making - to me personally. It's NOT an easy subject to write about and yet an important one. Today's Understanding Men topic has to do with men who marry mom.

Don’t Marry Mommy
God designed the man to cleave to his wife – not his mommy. Unfortunately, some men try to marry a mommy (because they never reckoned with mom) and, also unfortunately, many women become mommy out of their own ignorance, insecurities, or fears.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this book! It's a MUST read! According to The Mom Factor: when a man has not gotten what he has needed in the mothering process and if detachment didn’t happen he’ll walk with a limp.

This kind of limp isn’t a good one. Remember, Jacob walked with a limp because he had to wrestle with God. And woman - if you're husband is wrestling with God and anger is coming out - just duck - a lot and don't make HIS anger YOUR issue. Pray and practice 1 Peter 3:1-6 and hold on to Him who will see you through.

This man will take that limp into his marriage. A man with a limp will either be passive or passive aggressive with subtle unresolved anger/control issues toward women.

Again, according The Mom Factor, a man has to finish his business with mom. Some of this business is that of connecting. It’s with his mom that he learned to connect, get close and trust. If the connecting factors aren’t finished, the man will potentially battle fear of getting close to another woman. He’ll start to depend on her, then fear will take over, and then he’ll run. If he doesn’t run – he’ll fight. The woman in a relationship with this type of man needs to know that he may be looking for someone who’ll mother him and not be a wife.

If a man has unfinished issues with his mom, then every woman he has a relationship with has the potential to become a mother to him. He’ll regress into a little boy or teenager and try to turn the woman he cares about (if she lets him) into his mother. In this time, this man will operate out of a lot of anger. Some men, who don’t marry because they are afraid of making commitment, will turn women they use into what I call “little wives.”

What this man needs most is a woman who understands where he's at and accepts him where he's at (not trying to change him), believes the best in him, comes along side him (in the way he desires) and sees that God's big in this man - no matter what kind of passive agressive behavior is coming out. The ticket here is - again the RESPECT for the man. If you need a refresher on RESPECT then go here.

On Thursday, I'll address the four kinds of men. See you then.

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Audra Krell said...

As mom to three boys, you'll hear me saying around the blogosphere and you'll read it in my articles, "I'm passionate about my boys not marrying the woman I used to be." We have to realize the affect we have on our sons and that they are most likely looking for someone similiar to mom. If we want them to marry strong, sweet, respectful, loyal women, then that is what we have to be. Most important, if we want them to marry women that love God, it would do us good to show His love to our sons, at every opportunity.

Lylah said...

this is totally true...thanks for the good comment.

Melissa said...

I don't know whether to cry or to just be thankful to know others go through this in their marriage or need to be cautious with raising their sons to be Godly men. I am thankful that what I need to do for my husband now is come alongside him and not abandon him for what is wrong with him, but love him in spite of those things and encourage him to grow into the man I always seen him as and will be. Thanks for these eye opening blog posts!!!