Friday, August 15, 2008

marriage matters

I mentor women who are married and those who want to be married. Great job, eh?! I love it. I learn much about the heart of younger women who really really really want to be married.

The one thing that women seem to struggle with most is being set to follow the man - anywhere. What I mean by this is that a "wife to-be" must be willing to let her "call" or her "passions" take second place to the role of a wife - that which is to follow him.

God created women to be responders and to follow. He placed her in the supportive role. In 1 Corinthians 11:9, Paul says that the woman was made for the man and not the man for the woman.

I know this is a hard pill (truth) for many women to grasp. Often a young woman will say yes with her words, "I'll follow you to the ends of the earth." But, when push comes to shove and his personal vision doesn't line up with hers, she'll panic and what's really in her heart will start coming out. In this case she's more interested in her call and her passion rather than what she says she wants and that's to be married.

Guys - if you're looking for a wife, and it's YOU who needs to be looking (not on the computer screen on E-Harmony either), then look for one who is "set to follow." Ask her if she's willing to follow you and leave her ministry to follow your vision which most likely won't line up with her "ministry." If she's not - don't marry her.

Does a woman's "call" or "passion" get in the way of being a wife and fulfilling that role biblically? How do you think it can work? Can a "call" be an idol and if so, how would you know? Got thoughts, let's hear them.

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10 comments:

Beth Ann said...

Lylah, this is the ONE thing I most struggle with. I have silently kept my mouth closed because of shock at actually trying following this advice. (insert laugh here)
I don't know why I feel this way. I have my personal relationship with God and my hubby, has none. He was not brought up with God in his life.
Do I work on him? Yes. Do I bring him to church? Yes. Do we try and attend church functions? Yes. Do I follow him as a wife should? Not the way you describe.
This is such a loaded topic, I could write all day.
Know that I come to you each day, read carefully and ponder, struggle and absorb. You really inspire me in ways I never thought about. I will continue to work on this topic and grow.
Hugs-

Beth Ann

Janel said...

EXCELLENT advice!

I have followed my hubby up and down the country for almost 15 years now. Although we have our issues, he has commented how grateful he is that I've always been so willing to drop and go.

I know women who refuse to drop and go. It does cause a lot of grief.

Lylah said...

beth ann...thanks for the sweet honesty...such a good place for a woman to start. i myself, struggle and work on the awareness of ideologies that are contrary to how it's gonna work. i'm a first born daughter...i come by 'leadership' and vision naturally and yet it's in THAT VERY place - that "gifting" that i'm tested to see what idol exists. i've learned that there is such a rest in following michael. and i know that God wants every man to discover his vision and for a wife to follow that. i'm like the wind beneath his wings and i get the great blesser in that.

here's a post that might speak to this http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2007/11/my-husband-says.html

and...i'm deeply touched that you care about your marriage and bring your coffee cup to my place.

love to u...'me'

Lylah said...

thanks janel....i join you in growing and developing character as we follow him. woohhooo.

Mercedes said...

Hi Lylah,
Thank you for stopping by my blog today. However I feel that today YOU are the blessing that has been put in my path. I am finding in your blog the guidance I have been looking for a while. Thank you so much for taking the time to write such compelling and thought provoking posts I really appreciate them I have a lot of reading to do. Is there a place you would recommend starting?
I am a SAHM and want to build a better marriage. Help please!

Lylah said...

hi there dear mrecedes....what a precious soul you are...

yes...start here:
http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/04/world-of-men-understanding-man-youre.html

6HappyHearts said...

Hmmmm...how does the Lord do it?! How does He have us read a blog in all the world that will speak to our spirits in such a way as to have us move from where we are back to His path?!
Thanks for the post. In my marriage, our Father, has been working on me.
I too am the eldest, type A, & occasionaly like to be right (ok more than occasionally!) Each baby step I take to submitting to His authority under my husband the more I sense His awesome power. Those words were even hard for me to type, "submitting", "authority", "under". God's word is like that - exactly opposite of how the world says to be..."to gain life, loose it", ect.
Thanks for writing from God's word,
it's annointed sister & shines His truth into dark corners!

Lylah said...

hi beautiful happy hearts....first thanks so much for the comment and honesty. i love how you've said 'baby steps" toward...it's so true...if we only can GET this, how powerful God can work. he never does with an unsubmitted woman and the prob with that is - we sometimes thing we are - but it's NOT his ways. so much of what i used to do, i believed was biblical when in fact it was cultural.

i look for those places to submit too and i gain from it. we're such a work, aren't we?

thanks again for blessing me with getting to know you and all the other wonderful women.

Robin said...

I have been reading your blog for a couple of weeks and I have wanted to comment but haven't taken the time. I want to say thank you for being transparent in what you write. My husband is also a pastor and I grew up in a pastor's home so I felt a certain kinship with you when I began reading your blog.

You post on marriage really hit the spot. Sometimes for women we struggle with what God is calling our husbands to do and forget that God has called us first to be his helpmate. There are a couple of things I try to remember. First the Bible tells us to "Delight in the Lord and he will give us the desires of our hearts." I honestly believe that God will change our desires to be in line with him when we are delighting in him. The second thing I focus on is from Emerson Eggreich's teaching in "Love and Respect" that my husband is a "good hearted man". He truly wants me to be happy and fulfilled. BUT he also is striving to please God and follow God's calling on his life.

Thanks for your words of wisdom to us.

Lylah said...

Robin - so well said! It's the thing that stumps wives most - that of following a man who is being directed in a way that they don't really want to go. I've seen young gals try to manipulate the man in going the direction they think is best and if the man is smart enough to stand against that - she will either bow gracefully, bolt or become bitter. Hey...that sounds like a new post idea!!!!

May He bless you in your sphere of influence. So glad you came by.