ode to mi padre

My Dad! Yup, my Dad. It's Father's Day and I want to give my Dad the gift of bragging on him. First, I'm so thankful to God that I still have my Dad here, so that I can say, "Happy Father's Day, Dad!" I know so many don't and my heart aches. But for today, I'm thankful.

So, who is my dad? By the picture, you might think he's some crazy nutso case. But, no, my Dad is one of God's most gentle of men. He cares for the hurting and the helpless. He's taking some toys to some center in the picture above.

I'm my Dad's only daughter and my earliest memory of me and my Dad was about the age of 2 ish. It was my Dad's job to take me to get my first hair cut and being a young father (21), my Dad took me to the only hair cutting place he knew - his barber. Well, you can only imagine what I looked like.

The legacy my Dad is leaving is one of being a hard worker. His father instilled that in him and he instilled that in my brothers and me. Dad wasn't a slave master though, just a good, steady, hard worker. Dad didn't cut corners, just worked thorough.

Another legacy point my dad will leave is his love for the outdoors. I remember many camping trips to the White Mountains here in Arizona. My dad (and mom) always sacrificed to provide the best they could for us four kids. I remember trips to Disneyland - all four of us kids in the back of a little VW.

I don't remember Dad being an angry father. I actually don't ever recall either of my parents yelling or raising there voice at each.

One thing a daughter always needs is to feel protected by her father. In spite of my dad's few words - some lectures - but mostly not - I felt very protected by him. Sometimes, though I'd wish he'd said more to me.

Dad has a love of good music. I can remember Mitch Miller and Jim Reeves and other classic type of musical artists. Music was important to my Dad. I would always enjoy when he unpacked his accordion and play. I remember him taking me to my own accordion lessons.

One of my fondest memories was when I went through a painful divorce. Both my Dad and Mom sensed that I was not in a good place and both just showed up at my home. I so appreciate both my parents for rescuing me from an abusive marriage. They packed all my belongings and moved me and my daughters to the safety of their home.

Dad grew up in the Bronx, NYC. It's so strange to me that this New Yorker has made his home in Texas over the past 28 years.

My Dad is a man of many dreams - some fulfilled and many not. I think one of my Dad's dreams is to settle in the quaint town of Prescott, AZ. He and Mom would fit in there just right. Anyone want to buy their super cool house in Wichita Falls, Texas so they could move to Prescott? Please!

He was always an entrepreneur with great ideas - some that took off and some that didn't. My Dad is a smart guy. He understands politics and writes letters to those who are doing things he doesn't agree with.

Dad's also a great photographer. He has this totally creative side that I'd still like to see be tapped into. Dad's also done some gardening at his home in Texas. Way cool Dad.

My Dad is also very GREEN. He actually got on my "case" about waste and neglect for the earth and challenged me to do my part. Thanks Dad.

My Dad is a lover of life. He's an over comer. About five years ago, he overcame throat and thyroid cancer. I've never seen anyone be so strong going through such a hell as that. My Dad is a fighter. At all odds he's a fighter and I'm so thankful he is.

Dad...I am so proud to be your daughter - I love you...and well....really pray that you and Mom move closer . . . to Prescott????? Happy Father's Day! me

ode to mi padre

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/06/ode-to-mi-padre.html

maria's kitchen

My beautiful friend Maria has been cooking up a storm this week. For reals. If you're hungry go check out these yummys. If you're not hungry, go anyway.

maria's kitchen

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/06/marias-kitchen.html

More Baby Steps - Part 3 - Understanding the Husband's Authority

(This post is long so hang in there - way important "heart" stuff to be on-purpose and create sanctuary.)

Just this morning I was chatting with my friend, Anita who is an On-Purpose Home Keeper. It's so super cool - 'cause she GETS it!

I was telling Anita that I’m writing this new series and I'm taking time trying to lay a foundation with my readers as to the importance of having the "heart" behind why we do what we do as home keepers.

Anita is an expert at organization and scheduling and menu planning. She also respects her husband as the one given spiritual authority in their home.

As I shared about the home keeper’s foundational principles, she gave a big ‘YES’, because she too, knows that if we don’t GET God’s heart for us as women and if we don’t UNDERSTAND our role in this position then routine and planning and scheduling, has the potential to become drudgery and we will not be effective in creating sanctuary – because that takes heart.

"Heart" needs to lead the task stuff. Paul wrote in the New Testament that whatever we do we’re to do it with our whole heart. Heart is about understanding the value behind what we’re doing and it's is imperative!

Yesterday I wrote about values, principles and sanctuary robbers, the gift of time and I touched on the relationship with my husband in all this home keeping stuff.

Today, I want to expound a bit on the marriage and it’s relationship to Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper.

Strengthening My Marriage
Of the many benefits of purposeful home keeping that leads to creating sanctuary, I believe the key benefit is for the marriage. Being on-purpose and creating sanctuary has impact to strengthen my marriage and honor my husband and in time should you take this course, you'll husband will feel like a blessed man.

When I have the heart of being on-purpose with routine and a day with margins that don’t run over, order is created.

Order sets me free to have energy reserved (physical and emotional) for my husband. Knowing my purpose and my home front role helps to keep me from overbooking myself and pacing myself so that I can nurture the most important relationship (outside that with God) – that with my husband.

Scattered and Overwhelmed - NO!
If I’m scattered, feeling overwhelmed and not organized living in the midst of clutter and chaos, I can’t serve him and I won’t be cognitive to provide him his three basic needs which my husband says are FAS-food-nutritious, affirmation, and sex. The other need my husband has is to discover, communicate and move his vision for our family.

My Reason for a Biblical Mindset
The reason I have this mindset is because I respect the position of authority my husbands been given by God. I want to honor God, I want to partner with God and make my man shine and I want to get reward for having the "heart" toward what God says is true.

The Glasses We Wear - Builds Up or Tears Down
The way a wife views her husband as spiritual leader or not will determine IF she creates sanctuary and IF she tears her house down or IF she builds it up.

Evangelical Feminists
In light of that, I’m sure I’m going to tweak some of you egalitarian women (evangelical feminists.) An egalitarian feminist is one who believes that men and women are equal in essence (God does and I do) and equal in places of authority (God doesn’t and I don’t). That equality depends upon their gifts or maturity – but NOT on an intrinsic authority.

Basically this woman says (in her "heart" attitude and actions), "I’ll respect this man IF he earns my respect." Watch out men – this gal has a big yard stick that you will NEVER measure up to and you’ll be fighting for your place of authority until she GETS it or you give up.

God Says
God says that men and women are equal in value and dignity.

God also says that men and women are distinct in their roles at home and in the church. If you don’t believe me, read Ephesians 5:23-25. It says the husband is the head of the wife. Some egalitarian feminist "Christian" women would like to translate that as "source" and not having anything to do with "authority", but Paul understood "head" as authority. If this messes with your "head" do a study on it.

God says (Genesis 3, Ephesians 5:23-25 and 1 Corinthians 11:3) that my husband (and yours) is the one placed in authority to lead – humbly, lovingly, strongly, gently and in ways that bring glory to Jesus and maturity me and our family. My husband and yours will answer to God for how and where they have led us. We will answer to how we followed - grumbling and complaining and critical or in gentle humility trusting God with the results (always good character gotten here). One note here...the ONLY place we don't follow a husband is INTO sin.

I (and you) am in the following position. My husband (and yours) has been given authority by God to lead his family.

It’s interesting that even in the context of 1 Peter 3: 1-6, Peter writes that wives are to follow with a gentle spirit even IF he’s not acting like he’s following God’s instruction. Even if our husbands seems as if they are not going in the right direction we still follow.

Manipulation, Control and Fear
If we give way to fear – then we’ll most likely manipulate them with our emotions or criticism and then they’ll "give in" and in time give up. We’ll end up having the kind of marriage we don’t really want. God forbid that I manipulate him out of my fears and he succumb to how I think he should lead me (except in ways of sin). My husband knows that no matter how hard I might fight and kick, I don’t want him to give into my fears and let those be a reason for how he leads.

Men are Leaders - Period.
A man is born to be a leader and they are no matter how they lead.

Different Kinds of Leaders
Some husbands are passive leaders. "Oh, where do you want to go honey? Oh, OK. I guess that’s OK, we’ll go that direction." This leader has probably heard things like, "If you were a real leader . . . you’d consider how I feel about this and do what I want." There’s been a struggle for control long enough and he’s given up. His initiation ability is out the window. Unfortunately, he’s still leading by not leading. More on this subject for another post.

Some husbands are the abdicators, "Whatever dear." This guy wants to avoid confrontation. He’s beaten down by the criticism of his wife so much and most likely can’t get a word in edge-wise. So, he just doesn’t have the umph to fight the fight for leadership. Unfortunately, he’s still leading by not leading. More on what to do here on another post.

Some are the dominators, "You do what I say. Period." Dominator men are hard men to live with. The root of their fear and how they lead can come from different roots and I won't digress here.

One thing I can say is that perhaps there’s been this battle for control (and it might not have been with his wife – but more so his mother or it's what his father modeled) and because he's been battling his mode of operand becomes to demand and dominate. He’s afraid of losing control so all he’ll do is control.

I’ve seen some wives beaten down from this kind of marriage and my heart goes out to them and my encouragement is to grace the crud and speak to the core (another post worthy of explanation on another day). The wife of this man must do lots of encouragement and praying. Lots of respectful quietness and taking those disappointments to God as a personal appointment.

I’ve also seen wives married to this kind of guy that have no clue HOW to be her husband’s companion or complementer. Perhaps she started out competing from the get go. Unfortunately, he’s still leading by not leading gently and in God’s ways.

Heart Toward Husbands Relates to Everything
Why am I addressing this "heart" issue toward the position of authority a husband has? Because it relates to why we create sanctuary and how we create it and it relates to how we become an on-purpose home keeper.

More on Monday – I’m taking a Sabbath rest until then on this subject. Here's part 4 and here's part 3!

More Baby Steps - Part 3 - Understanding the Husband's Authority

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/06/more-baby-steps-part-3-understanding.html

heading back to basque country

Well, here I go again...Gerald's using the rest of his air miles to fly his wonderful mom-in-law to Basque Country next week. Yes, if you research my blog, you'll see it's my third trip in less than a year. Woo hoo!

Gerald leaves on the 26th of the month to fly the 84 + Basque students to the US for their Summer in the USA experience. He comes here for the month and I get to go there for the month and parteeee (sorta) with Jenni and the girls. Thanks to my hubs for blessing my trip.

As always, I am excited to go back to experience life in Basque Country. In thinking about some of the yum food, I found this blog today that posted a recipe for Chicken Basque Style. Looks amazing!

Poulet Sauté Basquaise : Chicken Basque Style
Serves: 6
Ingredients
2,25 kg chicken [5 #] cut neatly in 8 pieces (8 if you keep the little wings - I did)
salt
pepper, white, freshly ground
olive oil
1 T butter (helps the browning apparently)
2 onions, medium, julienne [fine slices]
6 green peppers, large, julienne (½ kg [¼ #]) (a length similar to the onions please)
4 garlic cloves, crushed
1 C stock, approx
¼ kg tomatoes [3 big ones] peeled, seeded, brunoise [diced] (I used a can due to the current tomato/salmonella scare)
1 bouquet garnis [herb packet] (celery, thyme, parsley, bayleaf, whole peppercorns)
150 gr very good ham, dry cured, slices [5 oz]

Procedure
If you have a whole chicken… cut it up; salt & pepper the pieces
Oil into a pan, medium high; fry pieces really well - more than you usually do. You want these good and brown. Fry the larger pieces longer so they'll be pre-cooked more

Meanwhile
Crush the garlic
Devein, deseed and julienne the green peppers
Julienne, very finely, the onions
Remove browned chicken from the pan; put in the veggies & garlic, stir
Maybe add some oil if there doesn't seem to be enough chicken fat
Cover, cook on medium-low until they're soft but not browned, stirring occasionally
Add back the chicken pieces and their juices
Add tomatoes, bouquet garnis and stock (to just cover)
Bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer. Cover the pan and simmer until done/tender (about a half hour or, perhaps, 30 minutes)
Remove chicken again and, separately, pretty much all the vegetables. Toss the bouquet garnish out.
Meanwhile, a little oil into a pan and fry the slices of ham slightly (this is not bacon we're talking about)
Reduce the chicken cooking liquid until it's saucey; coating the back of a spoon
Place the ham slices neatly on a plate (around the edge, maybe), arrange the vegetables inside that, top with the chicken, and pour sauce over the whole lot

heading back to basque country

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/06/heading-back-to-basque-country.html

it's all about respect

Respect and how to show respect is desperately needed to be understood and practiced today – especially in my Western culture and particularly among women.

It’s only been within the past seven or eight years that I started to understand how much I didn’t understand that my husband, Michael, needed me to show him respect. I’d had the attitude that he needed to earn my respect until one day I saw that God said (Ephesians 5) that a husband is to be given respect.

The light bulb went on. The thing that I was doing was making him earn my respect. I was wrong and did some damage that I've repaired.

For those of you that don't understand what this is about keep reading what my pastor husband has written.

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline… The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom… His (God’s) intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms according to His eternal purpose which he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord." This fear – healthy reverence - is a clean, a pure fear, enduring forever, full of life and beauty, and joy and love. (Prov. 1:7; 9:10; Eph. 3:10,11).

"What" or "who" are we "fearing?" We’re fearing God by…
…being careful that we don’t violate a person whom He has positioned; disrespecting delegated authority is disrespecting God (Rom. 13:1-9).

…being careful not to violate the will of a person. God is saying, "This (person – whoever it is) is my Image Bearer – my treasure…you watch how you treat them, because I’m watching too." (James 3:9-11).

…being careful how we are telling His story (Eph. 3:10-12; 1 Pet. 1:12-17; 2 Cor. 5:9-11). It’s a fear of a loss of liberty, a clear conscience, the joy of pleasing the Lord, His approval (instead, discipline), of a display of His story, a loss of His joy in rewarding us with affirmation and a co-rulership position He desires to give us.

We are to "work out our salvation (this process of sanctification) with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in us to will and to act according to His good purpose…" (Phil 2:12,13).

The question each believer needs to ask is this: "Where is this fear and trembling in my life? Do I consciously or unwittingly cross lines of respect without any regard for God’s word (whether I just take His Word lightly, or perhaps I’m just ignorant of it)?"

We all will answer to The Lord for how we’ve respected God’s Word, and how we’ve responded to those whom He has placed over us.

Observe the harsh rebuke that Jude gives to both the angels who have "left their posts" and men who reject authority and who have spoken freely against authorities in Jude 5-11.

Though you already know all this, I want to remind you that the Lord delivered his people out of Egypt, but later destroyed those who did not believe. And the angels who did not keep their positions of authority but abandoned their own home-these he has kept in darkness, bound with everlasting chains for judgment on the great Day. In a similar way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion.

They serve as an example of those who suffer the punishment of eternal fire. In the very same way, these dreamers pollute their own bodies, reject authority and slander celestial beings. But even the archangel Michael, when he was disputing with the devil about the body of Moses, did not dare to bring a slanderous accusation against him, but said, "The Lord rebuke you!" Yet these men speak abusively against whatever they do not understand; and what things they do understand by instinct, like unreasoning animals-these are the very things that destroy them. Woe to them! They have taken the way of Cain; they have rushed for profit into Balaam's error; they have been destroyed in Korah's rebellion.

There is a move of God today to restore families through respect (spouse & children at home, immediate family) Those who want to look at themselves as "a loving person", must give diligent work to the first order of business – and that is "respect".

Without this, we are just assuming that any and all of our actions are O.K. and that everybody else must adjust. What it will take to eliminate this destructive "assuming" will be clarity and boundaries. When there is a conflict, those who want to create arenas (issues of discussion) without boundaries really do not yet want to love. They only want to control. Sometimes boundaries are unspoken – and, if both people are being respected, boundaries don’t necessarily need to be spoken. Yet, if even one person sees the need to put up a boundary, then the other person needs to hear and respect that boundary.

it's all about respect

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/06/its-all-about-respect.html

Baby Steps Toward Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper Part 2

In continuing the process of taking baby steps toward becoming on on-purpose home keeper who creates sanctuary, I want to address some of those Sanctuary Robbers that keep a woman from being on-purpose and creating sanctuary.

The first robber is to NOT evaluating heart attitudes toward the home, being a wife and mother. I addressed some of that here.

Unbiblical Values
The next robber is to be guided by unbiblical values. Values are those things that matter to us. They subconsciously contribute to our life and they drive us (motivate us). What matters to God must matter to us. If we’re not God-centered then we’ll be self-centered. If we think this life is all about us – then we’re missing the point. If we’re not guided by living with the end in mind, we’ll also end up missing the point. Character and maturity!

Key Biblical Principles
Another robber is NOT understanding some very key biblical principles of biblical headship and submission. A woman will operate out of fear (which has roots in anger and unrealistic expectations) and dominate her man if she doesn’t understand God’s order for her marriage and her home.

Way to many "Christian" women have a cultural view of marriage and God and how to do life. A cultural view is a feminist view. Period! Believing in and living in the protection of biblical order is the only way toward creating sanctuary in the home.

1 Corinthians 11:9 says that the woman was made for the man. Genesis 3 says that she was created to be his helper. She’s to complement her husband, she’s to follow his lead. She’s to be his support and friend and lover. Women who don't follow don't GET it. In the end, they'll end up bitter and alone.

Keeping My Husband in Mind
Everything I order and structure and create and do on my home front as an on-purpose home keeper has my husband in mind. Everything!

I think of how what I do will effect him. I want sanctuary created so that he can be clear on the vision he has for us. If our home is disordered, if I’m disheveled, or discontent and if I haven’t managed my time margins effectively, then it effects my husband. More on this later.

A woman's role is to get behind his vision and follow him. Our role is to set the home in order so that he can find a respite from the storm of the world. Our role is to wipe the sweat off his brow and to make him shine. One of the ways I do that is by being clear of my purpose and by creating sanctuary for him ~ for us.

If a woman doesn’t GET this, then she doesn’t understand biblical principles and won’t ever create sanctuary in her home. She won’t ever be an on-purpose home keeper. And, she won't ever get to do the dance that she longs to do. Ever!

What Drives You?
Think about what drives you? Do biblical truths guide you or do your fears guide you? Are your values wrapped around being self-centered or other centered. Are you self-serving or other serving? Are you into getting your “needs” met – whatever you think your “needs” are? Or are you into following him and serving him and modeling respect to him?

What We Think We Need
Speaking of "needs", a woman often thinks she "needs" something but what she thinks she "needs" is more time than driven by a fear she has and not a legitmate need. Our needs are for love, acceptance, food, clothing, shelter, etc.

Margins and the Gift of Time
How we steward the gift of time can be another Sanctuary Robber or it can be a blessing to the creation of sanctuary. An on-purpose home keeper must constantly evaluate her use of time. I look at my time in increments of margins and sometimes my margins bleed over into other margins. When they do, my husband will often bear the burden. More on this later.

Being Real with Time Robbers
Time is a precious commodity. There are only 168 hours in the week no matter what we do and we should be sleeping (so our body can heal) during a third of those hours.

What robs your time? How do you spend your time? When are your productive hours? How do you waste your time?

Make a list of your personal time robbers: attitude, messiness, overwhelmed by clutter, easily being distracted, too much time away from the home, time on the phone, TV, computer, are a few. List yours.

I love hearing your comments! What's your main time robber and how do you overcome the temptation? What area of biblical womanhood and marriage do you struggle in? Why?

More tomorrow! here's part 3

Baby Steps Toward Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper Part 2

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/06/baby-steps-toward-becoming-on-purpose.html

Baby Steps to Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper - Part 1

I'm excited to continue my series on Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper. It's the on-purpose woman who understands the value of creating sanctuary in her home.

O.K., I am late in posting this, but as life would have it, my own morning margins began to overlap in finishing this post as I chose to help Breanna unpack and set up in her new apartment. It was a productive time as five of my dearest friends joined me to help Breanna set up her home. Roses to Anita, Linda, Jennifer, Pami and Andi!

Lately, I've been having fun conversations with my sister-in-law Breanna. I've been talking to her about how to take baby steps toward creating sanctuary in her home.

This morning, while on our way to Trader Joe's, I talked about the need for a woman to evaluate her personal heart attitude toward her home and her assigned role within her home. I also said that a woman needs to look at the bigger picture of what she would like to be said of her at the end of her life.

I asked Breanna what she'd like to hear Griffin say about her at the end. Then I told her to think about what she'd like her children to say. I said, "What kind of legacy do you want to leave? And whatever that is - it's going to be your framework for how you create sanctuary and become an on-purpose home keeper." I told her that it's those values that will guide her in why she does what she does.

It's one thing to "get organized" and have home front routines, and it's another thing to understand the value of and the long lasting effects of why we do what we do as home keepers.

Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper has everything to do with our attitudes,what we value and what we think about marriage, being moms and the value we give in taking care of our homes. Those heart issues determine how we become on-purpose home keepers who delight in the home, managing it well and stewarding the gift of time.

Creating sanctuary isn't just about the task of keeping an orderly home or having a meal planned and prepared. It's about those tasks (responsibilities) AND the relationships.

I told Bre that it's the tasks or responsibilities that provide support for her primary (home front) relationships - that of her husband and her children.

If you're walking through these baby steps to create sanctuary and become an on-purpose home keeper, take some time to evaluate your mindset toward your home, your marriage and your children. Think about your life now and think about what it might look like at the end of your life. Ask God to show you some of your wrong and right attitudes toward your assigned role as wife, mother and home keeper. Write them down.

From what you write down, you'll discover some things you value in your home. For example, I value supporting my husband's vision and partnering with him. I also value our family (daughters, sons-in-law, grandkiddos) and I value friends. As I look at those values, I know that my margins will be set up so that I can preserve energy for my husband and family so that I can line up with what I value.

More tomorrow. . . here's part 2.

Baby Steps to Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper - Part 1

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/06/baby-steps-to-becoming-on-purpose-home_11.html

Baby Steps to Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper

The last two weeks, Michael and I have opened our home to help his youngest brother and his adorable wife get resettled here in the Phoenix Valley. While Griffin has done the "job searching" thing, Breanna and I have had some sweet Titus 2time over tea.

We've had conversation about what it means to be a homekeeper, what baby steps toward creating sanctuary look like, how to think with the end in mind when you evaluate your marriage, your parenting and your homefront and why that's important in organizing and creating margins of time on the homefront.

I've shared with Breanna some of the the reasons why I do what I do and my values in regards to my home. Values and understanding them are key to do what you do.

I've also shared with her (a young mom with two little girls ages 11 months and two years and in October baby Cole will join their family) some of my "mom parenting hints" along with lots of marriage advice and how imperative it is for a wife to understand and get behind her husband's vision. She totally gets why she's to show and model him respect. She gets it that she has a role and he has a role and that she has responsibility within that role. I'm teaching her why that's important as she begins to set margins for her day with time and priorities.

Oh, yes, I love to talk about cooking and the importance of menu planning and eating healthy.

I'm excited about not only continuing the discipleship/mentoring process with Breanna to help her create sanctuary in her home, but to actually put to pen my advice for you too. I'm going to put these principles into a new series I'll call: Baby Steps to Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper.

So, stay posted - I'll begin Wednesday morning. See you then! Oh, I'd love to hear your ideas too! Here's part 1.

Baby Steps to Becoming an On-Purpose Home Keeper

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/06/baby-steps-to-becoming-on-purpose-home.html