The Power of the Bedroom - Sex Talk

I read once that every room has a mission. If you were writing a mission statement for your home what would it be? A woman’s home is an extension of her feminine soul…and it’s God-given creativity. Take a minute and walk around your home. The mission statement I'd give of my home is Celebrate Life. Even in the days where it's in a bit of a disarray, I can say that.

Head toward your bedroom.

What would the mission statement of your bedroom be? Does your bedroom say – Come on honey, let’s CELEBRATE? Is your bedroom uncluttered, as beautiful as can be, fragrant . . . like a sanctuary?

My heart is to create sanctuary and after a woman tends to her kitchen and brings order there, I'd say the master bedroom is next. I wrote about the importance in creating Sanctuary in the Master Bedroom here.

Read Hebrews 13:4. Write it down in a journal.

It IS the place where your husband comes to pursue you…

Don't let EVERYONE in Your Bedroom
I can remember when my spiritual mother told me to make our master bedroom a place of beauty and a place of sanctuary. I think of it as being the room where two lovers unite their souls as one in a sweet expression of intimacy. I'm VERY careful who comes into our bedroom. Guests rarely use our private bathroom. It's important to me to keep our room - our room (OK, except when you have 5+ grandkiddos). But, when do have a lock on our door!

Nancy (my spiritual mother) would always say that it is important for the room that to have order, look beautiful and smell lovely.

Take a second look in your bedroom. What’s it like? Is there any room for improvement? Is your ironing board in your bedroom or how about a pile of laundry waiting to be folded?

What’s the smell factor of your bedroom? Is it time to see what you can do to pretty it up?

Little Touches Make a Difference
Even if you’re on a no-budget fix up—you can still get creative with what you might have in other rooms—pillows, lighting, silk flowers, and candles. What about changing the room around? Can you repaint or wallpaper? Can you add some new curtains or a comforter? What can you do to make it a bit more romantic?

Eliminate Distractions
The first thing you can do is to eliminate distractions in the bedroom. The TV is anathema to romance. It’s a good idea to keep the bedroom free of work, computers and any thing else that would distract you.

A Sanctuary of Communion, Rest and Romance
Our master bedrooms are to be a sanctuary of communion and rest and romance—not a work place. I understand that at times there are extenuating circumstances, but if at all possible shut things off so rest and romance flow through the room.

Cap off the Day
I've been doing a sleep deprivation study and have learned that our bodies/minds don't heal if we stay up much past 10 PM. We personal make it a goal to be in bed - lights out before then. It's just healthier. It allows for pillow chat time mixed it with other good stuff.

Celebrating the Sanctuary of Love
Now that you’re CELEBRATING the sanctuary of love - and you're getting my drift. Let's do an attitude check.

Is your attitude toward sex one that says, “YES! Let’s CELEBRATE?”
Can you be sexy for your husband and what would that look like?
And, have you taken the 30 Day Sex Challenge?

Celebrate Sex
Attitude about sex is everything. God has an “attitude” about sex and women would do well to line their attitude up with his. What is your attitude about sex? Is sex on your mind? Take some time and write out your attitudes in your journal.

Attitude has to do with an inward feeling expressed with an outward behavior. “As a woman thinks—so she does.” The Bible says that out of the heart the mouth speaks. Whatever attitude we have as wives have will come out in what we do and what we say. If our “attitude” isn’t a God “attitude” then there’s great potential to deeply wound our man with our words and actions.

This sexual arena is a very “tender” one for our men.

One of God’s Attitudes Expressed in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
I'd suggest to read that passage and write it out in your journal.

Duty or Delight
That word “duty” can throw many women off balance. It has the idea of not depriving each other by taking back what has already been promised—the Celebration of Sex. That passage is saying that we have the right, the privilege, and the responsibility to please each other in the marriage bed.

Space and purpose here in this post won’t allow for my dissertation on the Celebration of Sex, instead an excellent book to read is Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus.

As you seek to “get” a “God attitude” about sex, consider what voices you’ve heard in the past that conflict and have caused confusion about sex. Media will be a confusing voice, your mom might have been a confusing voice, the girl friends down the street might have been a wrong voice too. Those voices are good to get in touch with. God’s voice matters.

Sex and it’s CELEBRATION is about God—not about us.

Prayer

LORD, You say that the marriage bed is holy and undefiled (Hebrews 13:4). I thank You that this is Your idea. I thank You that You created us to enjoy one another (Song of Solomon 7:6).

LORD, You have made my husband a sexual being. You have made me a sexual being. I pray that You would help me change any wrong thinking I have toward this Celebration of Marriage that is a gift.

Father, grace us to gain an understanding of one another's distinct physical
differences and help us to appreciate these differences rather than be irritated by them.

LORD, help me to completely give myself to my husband and to fully enjoy our times of lovemaking. Help me to release everything from my mind and to enter into our times of lovemaking with one focus—the pleasure of intimacy in this realm of romantic love (Song of Solomon 8:13-14).

Father, bless my husband's sexuality. I pray that he would become strong and . . . .you fill in the blank!

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The Power of the Bedroom - Sex Talk

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/04/power-of-bedroom-sex-talk.html

The Simple Home - Create Sanctuary in Your Master Bedroom.

I felt it time to repost (Dec. 07) this Creating Sanctuary in the Master Bedroom. I think it's always good to re-visit the different spaces in our homes as seaons change.

Creating sanctuary in the home is important. I explained my heart about the matter here and in this post I wrote that a well-ordered, uncluttered, clean home is a reflection of a woman's feminine soul. Read the power of the bedroom here.

I believe God intended the home to be a place of comfort and beauty and sanctuary and it doesn't matter how much money a woman has or doesn't have, she can create beauty and sanctuary with what she has, because it all starts with who she is and what's in her heart.

I LOVE my kitchen. It's bright, warm, functional and it says, "family." My kitchen is the hub of our home and it's the place where I create, plan and organize, make the best French Press coffee, spend time with my grand kiddos and their parents, serve our International friends, serve and nurture my husband.

The kitchen is the focal point of a home - life flows into and out of the that space. And, so my kitchen is my starting place to get organized. It's a priority space to create and maintain sanctuary and I think it ought to be the same for other woman too.

The second priority space to create sanctuary, is often the last one where it's created and that's the master bedroom. This space is your personal sanctuary. It's the place where (if you are married) you give your greatest gift, where you relax, you connect, you engage and you bond.

I've had women talk to me about their bedrooms and how neglected they are. I've also had women tell me that their bedrooms had become like an office with a computer or t.v. in them.

For years, I've counseled women to NOT have a t.v. or computer in the bedroom. I have a confession to make. For about a year, Michael and I shared our home with one of our daughters, her hubby and three grandchildren and our master bedroom became my "office." We tried every which way to figure out where else to put my "office" but it seemed as if (for a season) that was the only place it could work.

After they moved to Spain, we shifted things around on the home front and the first shift was moving my "office" to the kitchen. I couldn't believe how peaceful our bedroom returned to being. It was a huge difference in that sense of restoring a calm, peace and rest. It's so imperative to do everything possible to NOT have an "office" in the master bedroom.

The t.v. is another issue in many master bedrooms. Michael and I do have one, but it is a rare occasion (maybe once a year) that we watch t.v. from that room. It's just not turned on. If it is, it's one of the grand kids that want to snuggle up in our big bed and watch a show. During the time our daughter lived with us, we did have Saturday Morning Cartoons with Poppi and Nana in our bed. It was a fun connection with the grand kiddos - but - after we'd had an evening of rest.

How can a t.v. or a computer in the master bedroom impeded creating sanctuary in that room? I'll give you one answer: it creates the wrong focus.

Those two electrical boxes hinder marital communication. Instead of a late night connection with communication, intimacy and bonding, it becomes more important to catch up on the nightly news or answer the last email. It's like inviting strangers into the bedroom when we permit outside influences in the master bedroom.

So, the first step to begin creating sanctuary in your master bedroom is to evaluate what strangers exist in the bedroom. If they are there, is it at all possible for them to go someplace else? (Of course, if you're married, converse with your husband.)

The second step in creating sanctuary in this place is to de-clutter. Get rid of the ironing pile, the ironing board, the pile of magazines and anything else that needs a new place.

Step three involves your closets. Step back and evaluate the use of closet space and how much stuff you have crammed in there. Take note of how clothes are hung and organized. Is there unnecessary stuff in your closet. Are the clothes hung in neat fashion?

A year or so ago, I eliminated piles of unworn, outdated and wrong sized clothes. I thought I needed all that stuff, but with help from my daughters, I found out that I didn't. It was fun to find new homes for anything that I couldn't say was a TEN. If I valued the item as a NINE, it went into the Give Away (Recycle) pile.

Before you do anything else to the master bedroom deal with the closet. If you can't do this alone, get a good girlfriend and go through everything. Place a number value (1 - 10) on what's in your closet (shoes, belts, handbags, scarves, pants, dresses, shirts, skirts, etc.). If you can't say YES! This is a TEN, then get rid of it.

What often prevents us is thinking that we might need/use this article of clothing. . . one day. We think thoughts like: we'll lose the weight or we spent too much money for it. That kind of thinking will prevent us from bring order in this place. You want to eliminate so that you can concentrate and bring order. Get over the guilt and let it go.

After you've eliminated (throw away or recycled) step four is to restructure the closet. I've done three things to restructure our closets: I've replaced all our hangars and I've hung every thing facing the same direction and all clothes are hung by color and item. For example, I have all black tee shirts together, all light colored sweaters together and all black skirts together.

Our closets have a neat and organized look and neat and organized helps Michael and I save time. Everything in the closet should be clean, easy to see, quick to grab and ready to put on. I don't want to spend a lot of time trying to figure out what I want to wear and what should go with what. I need simple and quick and cute and an organized closet is the key.

Step Five is to take a look around the rest of your room. Read your room. What do you need your bedroom to say? What can you do to make your bedroom a cozy, warm haven?

What's the color of your walls, your bed covering, curtains, etc? Ask yourself if there is something you could do, with little or no money, that would give your bedroom a new look, a different mood or a needed boost . . . to create beauty, rest, a retreat for you and your husband away from the world and life's pressures.

Can you change the color? Color motives, de-stresses, and creates mood and paint is the least expensive way to give your bedroom that new look or needed boost.

Can you add a few big square, colorful pillows to your bed?

Can you add candlelight or fresh flowers?

Do you need to add curtains or new prints for the wall?

Can you purchase a new comforter set?

Is your bedroom too foo-foo so that your husband isn't comfortable? Or if it is, is he OK with that?

Can you rearrange the furniture to create a better flow or feel? Your bed should always be your focal point.

What's on your dresser? Stuff? Clutter? Paperwork? Clothes to put away?

Is your bedding clean? If you're not already into a weekly routine of putting fresh sheets on our bed, let me encourage you to do so. Saturday is my day to do that.

It's Worth It
Your marriage is worth creating sanctuary in the bedroom. If this space needs a new touch, read Hebrews 13:4 and then pray. Pray about how to create sanctuary in this space. Pray for intimate times of communication with your husband. If you're stuck in this area, then let these prayers of mine from my book - Power Prayers for Your Mighty Man be yours:

LORD, You say that the marriage bed is holy and undefiled (Hebrews 13:4). I thank You that this is Your idea. I thank You that You created us to enjoy one another (Song of Solomon 7:6). LORD, You have made my husband a sexual being. You have made me a sexual being.

I pray that You would help me change any wrong thinking I have toward this Celebration of Marriage that is a gift.

Father, grace us to gain an understanding of one anothers distinct physical differences and help us to appreciate these differences rather than be irritated by them.

LORD, help me to completely give myself to my husband and to fully enjoy our times of lovemaking. Help me to release everything from my mind and to enter into our times of lovemaking with one focus-the pleasure of intimacy in this realm of romantic love (Song of Solomon 8:13-14).

Father, bless my husband's sexuality. I pray that he would become strong and healthy. I pray that in this area of our marriage, we will be filled with delight and fulfillment (Proverbs 5: 18 –19).

Father, where trust has been broken and honor dirtied, would you please restore and cleanse. Bring restoration and balance to those things that need restoring and balancing. I know apathy and disinterest can kill intimacy.

Help us fight apathy and show us new ways to nurture our love and protect our intimacy. May we be drawn to each other like those days when love first awoke (Song of Solomon 4:9-10).

Help us to not be so busy that exhaustion and mental ascents rob us of our times of love making (Song of Solomon 5:6).

Help us to never use our sexuality as a tool to manipulate or control. I pray for open and comfortable communication between us regarding our needs and desires. I pray that our minds would be pure toward one another and that we wouldn't use each other but that we'd serve each other. Lust is a destroyer of the beauty of love making. Father, reveal this sin in either of us and show us how to eradicate it permanently. (Proverbs 5:15).

LORD, redeem our sexual desires and make them holy to serve each other. Remind me that "men are like microwaves and women, like crock pots pray that we will learn how to hold one another and capture the moments in the silence. Teach us to listen with our hearts. I pray for attentiveness to feelings and frustrations. LORD, thank You for my own sexuality. Grace me to walk as a woman of grace and femininity.

Father, I pray that our bedroom will always be a place of peace—a sanctuary, a resting-place, a place of holy lovemaking. Help me to find new ways to create a sense of beauty and fragrance in our bedroom. Help me to even be discerning about what and who comes into our bedroom.

LORD of Heaven, commission ministering angels to stand guard at the four corners of our bed during our sleep and our times of celebrating our oneness. May the pleasure of our love be a fragrance before the throne room of heaven. Help me to find ways to be appealing and enticing to my husband. May our times of intimacy be an absolute delight. Remove any distractions from our lives that might inspire temptation to infidelity. I pray for a fresh awareness of this ministry to my husband. AMEN . . .

The Simple Home - Create Sanctuary in Your Master Bedroom.

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2007/12/create-sanctuary-in-your-master-bedroom.html

sweet pink - create sanctuary in the master bedroom

It's too bad i don't have pink going on because I really think this would be so sweet - all to create sanctuary in the master bedroom.

sweet pink - create sanctuary in the master bedroom

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/04/sweet-pink-create-sanctuary-in-master.html