Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Power of the Bedroom - Sex Talk

I read once that every room has a mission. If you were writing a mission statement for your home what would it be? A woman’s home is an extension of her feminine soul…and it’s God-given creativity. Take a minute and walk around your home. The mission statement I'd give of my home is Celebrate Life. Even in the days where it's in a bit of a disarray, I can say that.

Head toward your bedroom.

What would the mission statement of your bedroom be? Does your bedroom say – Come on honey, let’s CELEBRATE? Is your bedroom uncluttered, as beautiful as can be, fragrant . . . like a sanctuary?

My heart is to create sanctuary and after a woman tends to her kitchen and brings order there, I'd say the master bedroom is next. I wrote about the importance in creating Sanctuary in the Master Bedroom here.

Read Hebrews 13:4. Write it down in a journal.

It IS the place where your husband comes to pursue you…

Don't let EVERYONE in Your Bedroom
I can remember when my spiritual mother told me to make our master bedroom a place of beauty and a place of sanctuary. I think of it as being the room where two lovers unite their souls as one in a sweet expression of intimacy. I'm VERY careful who comes into our bedroom. Guests rarely use our private bathroom. It's important to me to keep our room - our room (OK, except when you have 5+ grandkiddos). But, when do have a lock on our door!

Nancy (my spiritual mother) would always say that it is important for the room that to have order, look beautiful and smell lovely.

Take a second look in your bedroom. What’s it like? Is there any room for improvement? Is your ironing board in your bedroom or how about a pile of laundry waiting to be folded?

What’s the smell factor of your bedroom? Is it time to see what you can do to pretty it up?

Little Touches Make a Difference
Even if you’re on a no-budget fix up—you can still get creative with what you might have in other rooms—pillows, lighting, silk flowers, and candles. What about changing the room around? Can you repaint or wallpaper? Can you add some new curtains or a comforter? What can you do to make it a bit more romantic?

Eliminate Distractions
The first thing you can do is to eliminate distractions in the bedroom. The TV is anathema to romance. It’s a good idea to keep the bedroom free of work, computers and any thing else that would distract you.

A Sanctuary of Communion, Rest and Romance
Our master bedrooms are to be a sanctuary of communion and rest and romance—not a work place. I understand that at times there are extenuating circumstances, but if at all possible shut things off so rest and romance flow through the room.

Cap off the Day
I've been doing a sleep deprivation study and have learned that our bodies/minds don't heal if we stay up much past 10 PM. We personal make it a goal to be in bed - lights out before then. It's just healthier. It allows for pillow chat time mixed it with other good stuff.

Celebrating the Sanctuary of Love
Now that you’re CELEBRATING the sanctuary of love - and you're getting my drift. Let's do an attitude check.

Is your attitude toward sex one that says, “YES! Let’s CELEBRATE?”
Can you be sexy for your husband and what would that look like?
And, have you taken the 30 Day Sex Challenge?

Celebrate Sex
Attitude about sex is everything. God has an “attitude” about sex and women would do well to line their attitude up with his. What is your attitude about sex? Is sex on your mind? Take some time and write out your attitudes in your journal.

Attitude has to do with an inward feeling expressed with an outward behavior. “As a woman thinks—so she does.” The Bible says that out of the heart the mouth speaks. Whatever attitude we have as wives have will come out in what we do and what we say. If our “attitude” isn’t a God “attitude” then there’s great potential to deeply wound our man with our words and actions.

This sexual arena is a very “tender” one for our men.

One of God’s Attitudes Expressed in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
I'd suggest to read that passage and write it out in your journal.

Duty or Delight
That word “duty” can throw many women off balance. It has the idea of not depriving each other by taking back what has already been promised—the Celebration of Sex. That passage is saying that we have the right, the privilege, and the responsibility to please each other in the marriage bed.

Space and purpose here in this post won’t allow for my dissertation on the Celebration of Sex, instead an excellent book to read is Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus.

As you seek to “get” a “God attitude” about sex, consider what voices you’ve heard in the past that conflict and have caused confusion about sex. Media will be a confusing voice, your mom might have been a confusing voice, the girl friends down the street might have been a wrong voice too. Those voices are good to get in touch with. God’s voice matters.

Sex and it’s CELEBRATION is about God—not about us.

LORD, You say that the marriage bed is holy and undefiled (Hebrews 13:4). I thank You that this is Your idea. I thank You that You created us to enjoy one another (Song of Solomon 7:6).

LORD, You have made my husband a sexual being. You have made me a sexual being. I pray that You would help me change any wrong thinking I have toward this Celebration of Marriage that is a gift.

Father, grace us to gain an understanding of one another's distinct physical
differences and help us to appreciate these differences rather than be irritated by them.

LORD, help me to completely give myself to my husband and to fully enjoy our times of lovemaking. Help me to release everything from my mind and to enter into our times of lovemaking with one focus—the pleasure of intimacy in this realm of romantic love (Song of Solomon 8:13-14).

Father, bless my husband's sexuality. I pray that he would become strong and . . . .you fill in the blank!

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Heather @ The Striving Wife said...

Hey Lylah! Interesting post... Melissa over at http://TheInspiredRoom.net was recently talking about Christmas decorations... namely smaller Christmas trees that can be placed in individual rooms... and I thought that placing a small Christmas tree, with soft lights and pretty decorations, can be a VERY romantic way to spruce up a master bedroom. Kind of goes along with your thoughts as well... and is perfect for the upcoming holiday season!! :)

Keep on Striving,
Heather :)

Lylah said...

Hi there Heather....i LOVE the Christmas tree idea...I've got one and I think i'll do that! thanks for the idea!

kim said...

I have a lovely christmas tree in our bedroom. It is decorated with flowers and fruit (red) and white lights. I love having it on at night when it is dark outside.

Sheila said...

Lylah--Great post! This is exactly what I write a lot about.

Why is it so many of us keep our laundry that needs to be folded on our bed? And all the stuff that we don't know where to put just gets stashed on the bedroom floor And then the kids come and want to crawl into bed, too!

That's fine occasionally, but on the whole, the bedroom needs to be a sanctuary for the two of you together. You should be able to relax there, not feel guilty because of all the housework that needs doing!

So thanks for sharing!

Visit To Love, Honor and Vacuum today!

Marlo B. said...

LOL uh oh Lylah, your post is right on the money. Off to clean the bedroom now...looks like a Tornado hit it.

Praise and Coffee said...

Great post! And soooo true!!!