http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/05/ahhhhhh-same-sex-marriages-all-over.html

do you have rocks in your garden

Are there rocks in your garden? Read here:

Exploding Anger (Rocks)
Rage
Revenge
Words that wound (shame/sarcasm, joking
Gossip/Self-Pity
Grumbling
Complaining
Murmuring

Imploding Anger (Rocks)
Withdral
Self-pity/Gossip
Isolate
Jealousy
Withhold
Depression
Bitterness

do you have rocks in your garden

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/05/do-you-have-rocks-in-your-garden.html

hurt, anger and unrealistic expectations

When I feel hurt, because of a legitimate God-given need for love and value is NOT met—and when a sense of injustice rises—or the emotion of anger is triggered and I feel the tension of wanting it perfect now (my need met) - what I do in that moment— matters.

Will I choose to let anger drive me to the arena of hurt, disappointment, sadness, loneliness—the Lord’s arena of fellowship OR will I choose to let anger drive me to the rocks in the garden—where I pick them up and use them to control/manipulate to get my legitimate needs met in an illegitimate, sinful way?

Anger reveals that you’ve made a judgment (James 2:13) about the person who has hurt you. It can be a real or a perceived INJUSTICE. You’ve come to a conclusion based on an expectation or on your values. When someone doesn’t come through for me—like I think they should—I get angry—to get my way. Anger can display itself as jealousy and it can look syrupy sweet (James 3:14). Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1:20).

On a Side Note:
What I ”think” about a (certain) situation or how “I think life should be” will give a platform for emotion to be productive or unproductive.

Wrong thinking (contrary to God’s) is the realm where VOWS are made. These are where the “I will nevers.” occur. Vows are the glue that keep Idols together.

What are Unrealistic Expectations
Unrealistic expections are a demand that someone should “be” a certain way all the time, and if they are NOT, you’ll withhold affection from them. You anticipate they will behave in a way that will NOT hurt you or disappoint you. You live by unenforceable rules and if someone breaks your rule, you get angry (explode/implode).

God will NEVER disappoint, and will ALWAYS meet your need for love and purpose so you can raise your level of expectation to the highest degree with Him. It’s just that when it comes to people you have to have a realistic expectation of them meeting your needs, AND a strategy (to accept them where they are at and how to make a request—not a demand) when they don’t.

It is just as much sin to have HIGH expectations of people as it is to have too LOW of expectations. Low expectations point to a “fear” and “self-protection” attitude that says, “I just won’t expect anything from them this way I’ll never get hurt or disappointed.” Helllllooooooooooo.

The abundant and rich life comes from developing good relationships with people, and that only happens when TRUST is developed and cultivated. That comes from certain (realistic) expectations you have of people—which sets you up for developing trust, as well as being deeply disappointed. Oh well, that’s life!

Remember, disappointment is your appointment with God. And since HE will never disappoint, guess who God is using to do the disappointing? Disappointment is opportunity for fellowship with Jesus.

What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is basically imposing your own high standards on someone else. A perfectionist is a critical person.

What is Control?
Controling people have this underlying thinking that says, “I expect you to behave according to my standards, I will do anything (control, manipulate, use guilt, self-pity, pout, withhold, withdraw) to get my way—now—even if the benefit is momentary and temporary.

The wise (mature) woman of God will understand that pain, loss, hurt and disappointment are God’s gifts. It’s in those moments that fellowship with Jesus can be most sweet. We are to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry because the anger of man doesn’t bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1: 19-20). God is slow to anger.

You are mature if you have learned how to live with the pure emotions of: hurt, disappointment, loss, sadness and weakness and if you understand how to go to the Lord with it. The reality is—is that LIFE HAS HURT, DISAPPOINTMENT, WEAKNESS, REJECTION, SICKNESS, LOSS AND LOTS OF PAIN.

The question a woman must ask is: Why, then do I try to live my life as if “there shouldn’t be any of this?”

hurt, anger and unrealistic expectations

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/05/hurt-anger-and-unrealistic-expectations.html

let's get real about our anger

In my um-teen plus years of discipling and counseling women, I’ve observed a few things about them (us), and one of the things that has been hitting me lately is just how much anger resides in the feminine soul of women. None of us are excluded. Like bitterness, it’s pretty difficult to admit we’re angry. It seems taboo to fess up to frustration.

I remember hearing Dr. Pamela Reeves from Multnomah Bible College and Seminary (Portland, Oregon) say once that when a person says they’re frustrated, they’re really saying they’re angry.

I think because we want to come across as gentle, demure, sweet and never show those negative emotions we stuff a lot of anger which comes out in other syrupy ways.

If I have an unrealistic or even realistic (Biblically based) expectation that someone should treat me in a certain way—and when that person fails me—generally the first emotion I feel will be anger.

Anger is not a “bad” emotion—it’s what I call a trigger emotion. It’s a gauge that something is happening. Ephesians says to be angry and don’t sin. It’s what I do with the anger—if I let it drive me in a misdirected way that will be sin. If I choose to let anger to be my driver to direct me to the Lord in the hurt, then it’s not sin, but it’s opportunity to mature.

What is anger?
It’s an emotion that arises when a wish or desire is not fulfilled. When what I want (whatever the “want” is) doesn’t happen, there’s a drive to change the situation. Anger is that driver used . . . read the rest here.

let's get real about our anger

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/05/lets-get-real-about-our-anger.html

did you know that THIS could effect your credit score?

We hate owing anyone anything - except love. Unfortunately, due to some unexpected medical/dental expense that was NOT covered by our insurance plan, we acquired debt on credit cards.

Money and how we steward it matters. And, for the past year, Michael and I have been working (except for a minor detour) the Dave Ramsey Zero-Debt Plan.

We've been finding little creative ways to cut back so we can sink the credit card debt. Taking advantage of Consumer World's Price Checker is one way to save money and using coupons can be another. And here's another with some great tips. Stephanie, at Keeper of the Home, has a great post on her creative ways.

Something else we've done is us all zero % credit cards. The idea is to make our assets work for us. Doing that can be a good thing. But, I just read this article that describes the "dirty little tricks" the credit card companies do.

Cutting up the cards and closing out the paid accounts has also been part of our plan until I read this today. It's an excellent article by Money and Finance that lists out the "little-known" things that can hurt your credit score."

The article begins with, "You already know that the higher your credit score the better. And you probably know the basics for keeping your score high -- pay your bills on time, don’t carry too much credit card debt, etc. But you might be surprised at some little-known factors that can do some serious damage to your score."

Hmmm . . . .

Here's the facts!

Little-Known Factor No. 1
Parking Tickets And Library Fines

Yup, that $3.45 late fee from the library can single-handedly knock down your credit score. More and more local governments are reporting unpaid parking tickets, library fines and such to collections agencies and that can really hurt your score as you'll see on the next screen.

Little-Known Factor No. 2
Collections, Liens And Judgements

These have a big negative impact on your score, no matter how small the amount. And they hurt for a long time. Even if you pay off a collection, it stays on your report for seven long years -- tax liens for 15. Don't let that happen. Your payment history counts for a whopping 35% of your score, so take care of any outstanding fines, and work with creditors to avoid your debt being turned over to collections in the first place.

Little-Known Factor No. 3
Being Responsible

It's crazy, we know, but in credit score land, you are punished for being responsible with your money. It can actually hurt your score if you pay off your balance in full each month or simply don't charge things on credit. Depending on the way your score is calculated (different agencies use different formulas) these can be negative factors since 10% of your score is based on the type of credit you have and 35% is based on your payment history. That doesn’t mean you should stop paying off your balance or start charging everything!

Little-Known Factor No. 4
Shopping for a Loan

If you are shopping for the best rate on a mortgage or car loan, be sure to do all your comparison shopping in a short period of time. Every time someone looks at your credit rating at your request, it counts as an "inquiry" and stays on your report for two years. Too many inquiries lowers your score because it looks like you are about to open lots of new lines of credit. But if you complete your comparison shopping in a 14 day period, it will count as just one inquiry.


Little-Known Factor No. 5
Unpaid or Late Utility Bills

It used to be that utility companies only reported seriously delinquent accounts to the credit bureaus, but many are now reporting late or missed payments just like lenders do. Plus, utilities -- including your electric, gas or phone company -- are much quicker to turn late accounts over to collections agencies. If you are behind or can't pay, contact your utility and work out a plan before that happens.

Little-Known Factor No. 6
Consolidating Your Debt Onto a Low Rate Card

If you are carrying balances on several cards, you might be tempted to transfer them to a low interest rate card. You save money, you lower your interest rate ... and you sucker punch your credit score! The percentage of available credit used is a key factor in your score (how much you owe accounts for 30% of your score). By consolidating, you slash the amount of available credit and jack up the percentage of your credit used in one move. Keep your balances to no more than 25-30% of your credit limit.


Little-Known Factor No. 7
Closing Old Credit Card Accounts You Don't Use

You might think that closing lines of credit you aren't using sounds smart, but not so fast! The length of your credit history counts for 15% of your score, so closing older accounts is actually a negative. Plus remember how the percentage of credit used counts against you? Well, closing old accounts with no balances can increase the percentage of available balance you are using -- another no-no.

Little-Known Factor No. 8
Bankruptcy & Foreclosure

It won't come as any surprise that these are the "big kahunas" when it comes to killing your credit score. But what may surprise you is how long they will continue to hurt your score. Bankruptcy stays on your record for 10 years and can easily drop your score 200 points. That means if you are lucky enough to even be able to get a loan, you will pay sky-high interest rates for the privilege.

One That Doesn't Hurt
If you are in over your head and want to see a credit counselor for help, it won't negatively impact your credit score one bit.

did you know that THIS could effect your credit score?

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/05/did-you-know-that-this-could-effect.html

the marketplace update

Prescriptives embraces all women. Check out the marketplace my new sponsor - Prescriptives.

the marketplace update

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/05/marketplace-update.html

can you believe this is really happening?

Jesus loved women and children and one day when children were brought to him, his followers tried to stop the them by saying, "Don't bother him." Jesus responded by saying, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to them."

There's another story about Jesus calling a small child over. He set the child in the midst of the circle of those that were following him and he said, "Let this child be an example to you. Unless you become like this little child (and turn from you sins), you'll never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. Be humble like this child and then you'll be the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.

The next thing in this Jesus story is astounding. Jesus says that if anyone causes this child to lose their simple faith in God - you might as well tie a rope around your neck with a rock on it and throw yourself into the sea.

Today, I am so stink'n grieved over this story of a teacher - one Wendy Portillo, a teacher at Morningside Elementary in Port St. Lucie, Florida who has turned her classroom into one of the most cruel, hideous crimes ever - that against a child.

The report says that Ms. Portillo has "allowed her students to vote a fellow student out of the class.The banished child is 5-year-old Alex Barton, who is in the process of being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, a high-functioning type of autism.

Not uncommon to his condition, Alex has had some behavioral issues and as a result, spends a lot of time in the Principal's office. After returning to Ms. Portillo's classroom after a recent visit with the principal, his teacher decided to punish him with humiliation.

She had Alex stand at the front of the class while his fellow students listed off what they didn't like about him. After informing him that they found him "disgusting" and "annoying", the class was instructed to vote on whether or not Alex should be allowed to stay in the class. By a 14 to 2 margin, they voted him out.

Alex hasn't been back to school since then, but his mother, Melissa Barton, says he is still reliving the incident. The night after it happened, she says she overheard him saying "I'm not special" over and over.Incredibly, an investigation by the state attorney's office concluded that Alex's treatment did not meet the criteria for emotional child abuse and no charges have been filed. I don't know what the criteria for emotional abuse is, but if this doesn't meet it, what does? My heart breaks for all the children involved in this incident." end of report.

How does this happen? How can adults stand by and even initiate such crimes against little ones? What is it that's in the head of this woman?

And, then to not stand in total judgment, I realize that without a relationship with the living God how I have such a propensity to sin against a child in such a way. There I go - but by the grace of God.

can you believe this is really happening?

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/05/can-you-believe-this-is-really.html

what a grandpa can model

No one can ever doubt the influence of a dad or grandpa model. Garden guy instructs younger garden guy how to make a Princess Pathway.

Wordless Wednesday

Here's what one little Princess says about her Poppi.

what a grandpa can model

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/05/what-grandpa-can-model.html

Kitchen Tips, Remedies

I love scanning bloggy world for some good tips and remedies. And today, I found a few that I thought worthy of posting here.

Organizing Tips
Some of the best tips for my kitchen or any other area of my Simple Home come from the Organizing Queens. Laura is The Organizing Queen and she's done it again - made me fall in love with her blog - especially her Rubbermaid containers in her garage. I'm dreaming that ours will look like hers - one day.

Lately, Laura's into baskets and so much so that she's started a Basket Carnival. For the best tips on baskets and organizing go here and then for a simple idea on how I used a basket go here.

Onions and Tears No More
For some reason, I'm really good at buying onions that make me cry. And, I don't use water proof mascara! I've researched different ideas on how to chop an onion without tearing up and this one looks like it's tried and true! It comes from the Kudzu Grows blog and her tip for onion chopping is to have a candle lit next to your chopping block. Great idea and from the comments it looks like it works!

Heartburn Help
Even though my last baby was thirty one years ago (Happy Birthday Jenni), I can still remember the burps and heartburn.

Mrs. Pear's remedies are:
five small meals instead of the usual 3
sitting up after meals no matter how much I feel like laying down - a compromise is to sit with feet up on a stool, or some such arrangement.
avoiding spicy food
eating peppermints when the heartburn hits
having a few sips of carbonated soda (decaf of course) when heartburn hits

Tomato Tip
My readers know that we're having fun gardening but unfortunately our tomatoes have been a bummer this season. My lovely friend Lindsay has given me some good reading here with her post on Tomato Tips and Tricks. I LOVE it. Thanks Lindsay.

The Importance of Soaking Grains
Another important tip from Lindsay is about the value and necessity of soaking grains. I admit that I have been lax until I read this article by Amanda Rose, Ph.D. She explains how soaking grains (our steel cut oats we eat most mornings) effects the phytic acid and mineral loss.

Stain Removal Tips
One of the things I need is a small list of good, quick stain remover tips. I found this one at Heather's Blog.

Removing Blood - Hydrogen peroxide
Removing Grass Stains - Shout
Removing Ink - Aerosol hairspray
Removing Grease or Oil~ Your best friend in the case of a grease stain is a good dish soap. She prefers Dawn.

Kitchen Tips, Remedies

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/05/kitchen-tips-remedies.html

understanding your man - communicating and relating

Yesterday Michael and I had this really good conversation about women and the relationships they have with men. As I was listening to Michael's thoughts on a particular situation, I knew he had to write it down and I knew I had to blog (scroll down) it because I know many, many women don't have a clue (these days) on how to relate to men - mainly because they haven't taken time to understand them, think they have a mind like a womans or they relate to them out of their own (cultural) ideas or woundedness and self-protective stances.

As I've learned to listen to my husband, I realize he has much wisdom for me and for any woman that is desperate enough to hear what a good man has to say about the world of men. When I hear his heart (respectfully) I get clues and tool on how to love him, grow with him and understand this "world of men."

One of the things I've learned is that there are 1o Main Things they want their wives to know about them. I've also learned that I must make Michael my priority.

Here are the thoughts I asked Michael to write down:

COMMUNICATING AND RELATING:
Is the man clueless? Not exactly.

GOOD COMMUNICATING: listening well (feeding back some), getting understanding before being understood, speaking words that bring life.

GOOD RELATING: showing actions that bring life and communicate God’s ways.

Are men really clueless when it comes to communicating and relating? Since "clueless" is a derogatory term, a better way to say it could be, "They just really don’t understand."

Here ARE the facts when it comes to men communicating and relating:

IT’S NOT NATURAL; IT’S EITHER TAUGHT OR CAUGHT:

The understanding of how to cultivate healthy relationships does not come naturally to a man. Attaining this understanding comes from either being taught - at home (very rare), or taking a class on interpersonal communication skills - how to communicate with your spouse (very rare as well), or this understanding is caught – by observation and contemplation (even more rare – whether it be in the home or elsewhere...not a whole lot of good examples out there today).

If not taught or caught, then the woman in realtionship with this man should assume that the man will not have this understanding, and therefore, will not know how to communicate or relate to a woman in an appropriate way.

If this is the case, then, for a woman (girlfriend, fiance or spouse) to not assume this would be, at best, setting herself up for great disappointment due to unrealistic expectations, and at worst, acting more clueless then the man.

Also, if this is the case (that the man hasn’t been taught this or hasn’t caught this understanding) it’s then good for the woman…

…to accept - (delight-in-spite of many flaws) the man for who he is and where he’s really at (not where you want him to be). Since these skills don’t come naturally, work on refraining from taking personal hurts from his lack of skill, and from being than critical and demanding.

…to show much grace - be patient (even if it’s for years) and gracious, respectful in your words to him as he communicates or relates poorly - whether he's willing or unwilling to learn. Being gracious has a way of diffusing arguments and bringing in peace to every situation.

THE WILLING, AND THE UNWILLING
If a man is willing to learn, he will, in time, indeed learn these skills. Acceptance and patience and lots of praise (when he does "get it") causes him to learn these skills much quicker, and he's also more inclined to admit it when when he fails. An atmosphere of grace, rather than shame, is one in which people grow well. A realistic expectation is to expect (in the beginning) lots of failures and some successes, and then gradually raise the level of expectation to more successes than failures as he grows in this area.

If a man is not willing to learn how to communicate and relate well, it's time to develop a strategy: for the girlfriend, it's time to start making your way out of the "dead end" relationship.

If you're married to this unwilling man and you're a godly wife, you must then develop a strategy (read 1 Peter 3:1-6) to learn how to show respect to a man who chooses to stay clueless.

[Note from Lylah: For more help on relationships visit my site - Woman to Woman (which can only be viewed on explorer). This so works for me.]

understanding your man - communicating and relating

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/05/understanding-your-man.html

bridal freebies

I love freebies and just found this one for Brides. It's for 1 issue of Bridal Guide. No strings attached.

And, speaking of weddings, there's a "Fabulous Wedding Contest" over at Hostess with the Mostess. HURRY on over because TODAY's the last day to enter.......HURRY! OR, just go here to enter!

bridal freebies

http://lylahledner.blogspot.com/2008/05/bridal-freebies.html