Thursday, March 26, 2009

Vows - Part Two

Yesterday, I began a little conversation in regards to an important subject for women: Vows.

Discovering hidden vows, facing and grieving any loss associated with those vows is a woman's pathway to maturity and freedom.

When a woman doesn't discover the inner, secret vows (and renounce them) she'll tend to operate out of them and often "knee jerk" to life (relational) situations. She will stunt some good character growth and not become mature. She will keep revisiting the same place on the same mountain over again. She will cross the same crack in the same sidewalk over again.

One of the main reasons for the "knee jerk" is because of this deep seeded, internal voice that is connected to a vow. The subtle voice says, "I will never.... You always.... It's not fair....Everyone else, but me...I will be in control...I will protect myself - so no one will hurt me again...No one cares for me...I will meet my own needs because no one else can...I will deaden this pain I feel on the inside...I'll never...

What's a Vow?
A vow is an internal commitment (based on a past judgment about an event or life happening) to NEVER allow the injustice (perceived or real) to happen again.

What's crazy about this is that most of us women can pinpoint a time in our lives somewhere between the ages of 7 - 10 where we felt confused over a life situation and made a vow.

Vows generally occur when an event that happens is painful or confusing and leaves a woman with this sense of "not fairness" or a sense of "coming up short."

Vows Have Roots

Vows are rooted in bitterness and the fruit of a vow is revealed in the un-biblical ways a woman "deals" with relationships that hurt. Gossip, jealousy and even some depression are signs of bitterness that can be traced to a vow.

Vows in Secret Places
Vows are lodged in secret places of a woman's soul and they lock her into unhealthy patterns of relationships that keep her from becoming mature, blessing others and in some cases are the reason why single women longing to be married never get married. The hidden vow sets her up to live in fear, rejection and desperateness. My husband says that to a guy - a desperate woman is a dangerous woman. Men sense a desperate woman and will "not be that into her."

Strategies to Control
When we make a VOW to NEVER be hurt again or to NEVER let that (whatever the that is) happen again we develop strategies of control and manipulation to satisfy the vow.

When I violate love by controlling, withholding, withdrawing, being silent, grumbling, complaining, isolating I'm committing relational suicide and I'm sinning.

Two Things to Do
I believe that a woman's vows are best discovered in a safe, small group of trusted girlfriends where she's being given permission to "dump" some of her hurt and actually be listened. When a woman "dumps" it's got to be about her and not the one that hurt her. There can be a fine line here to NOT gossip.

The second thing to do is that when a vow is discovered it must be renounced (2 Corinthians 4:2). It says that they are secret, shameful and must be uncovered - exposed for what they are. Vow are like signing a contract with the enemy to "get our own way." That's self pity and it violates love. I hope this helps at least one woman today.

Related Posts
1. Vows - Part One
2. The Centered Woman
3. Resisting to Become Irresistible
4. Ten Tips for Life

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vovella said...

This is so right on, Lylah. I must share later how an innocent appearing vow stopped me "dead in the water" from following where
God was leading me to go. I cried out to Him, and He spoke to me what I had done.

I trust women read this, as it will free them. (will finish later)



novella said...

Lylah, this is so right on. I trust women read it.
In my cancer treatment in '01, He had led me so plainly - was as Joshua 4:3,4, but I was stopped "dead in the water" from following Him further, and this puzzled me so much.
Then He spoke to me as I cried out to Him, "what is wrong - as You are not leading me anymore as before?" Immediately, I turned, repenting and had R. pray and break it, (as in O.T.) - & at once, I was free to do what He was leading. Awesome, awesome!
He had people lined up to be talked to, that noone was touching, I saw for one thing. Was so amazing to walk with Him through it, then. I was in awe anew of His Glorious Ways. I was in the Song of Sol. 4 daily, and journeled 50 pages on it. And I came out a different person! Just a bit more trnsformed like a butterfly. No regrets on my street.

love you,

Lylah said...

I love you Novella...thanks for sharing - as an older woman - your heart. It speaks

Faith said...

Thanks Lylah, These vow posts have given me some food for thought, wondering what things I have vowed, because of some current struggles.

Beth said...

Lylah, what an awesome post! I'm going to study this and pray on it- I know I have some hidden vows myself that I have get uprooted so I can move on with my life.
thank you so much for this wonderful post.