Saturday, November 08, 2008

understanding men - part 6

Today's topic in Understanding Men is to identify the three of the four general kinds of guys.

In spite of what a woman thinks or sees in her man - he was born to be a leader. In the garden, God created man and positioned him to have vision for his family and to take the lead. Everything about the woman, God built to complement his leading, and God positioned her to follow.

Seems as if, today, men have a hard time leading and women have a hard time following. That’s especially true if you, as a woman, have some great leadership qualities and if you’re a first born daughter, like me! All I know is that I earn heavenly reward and gain godly character when I follow well – with the right attitude.

There are four general types of men leaders: the passive, the abdicator, the dominator and the one who is the confident, strong, servant leader who is clear on where he’s going and leads gently knowing how to get there (the guy in your dreams).

The Passive Guy
“Oh, where do you want to go honey? Oh, OK. I guess that’s OK, we’ll go that direction.” This leader has probably heard things like, “If you were a real leader . . . you’d consider how I feel about this and do what I want.” The passive guy not only didn't have modeling, but his mom probably did it ALL for him. I'd imagine that he's tried to "lead" but he's given up with the struggle because he's discouraged. His initiation ability is out the window. Unfortunately, he’s still leading by not leading. Passive guys are angry guys.

The Abdicator Guy
“Whatever dear.” "It doesn't matter." "I don't know." This leader tends to be more silent and he definitely wants to avoid confrontation. This guy's also pretty insecure. And his frustrated wife, who has tried EVERYTHING to move the man has resorted to a lot of subtle criticism and unwittingly has beaten him down even more. This guy might have tried in the past to say something but because he couldn't get a word in edgewise, he's just shut up almost entirely.
He just doesn’t have the umph to fight the fight for leadership. This guy probably hasn't reckoned with mom yet. And, unfortunately, he’s still leading by not leading.

The Dominator Guy

“You do what I say. Period.” Dominator guys are equally hard men to live with and yet - with God and in HIS ways - not impossible. They use anger to dominate and intimidate and often their mode of operandi is rooted in fear and insecurity. This guy hasn't reckoned with mom.

Often, the root of their fear and insecurity stems from poor modeling with dad and can be from poor father modeling or a dominating mother and now this guy’s determined to NOT be like his dad.

One thing I can say is that perhaps there’s been this battle for control (and it might not have been with his wife – but more so his mother - most likely dad didn't pull him away from mom and he's still trying to reckon with her - through his wife. ) and all he knows to do is to demand and dominate. He’s afraid of losing control so all he’ll do is control.

I’ve seen some wives beaten down from this kind of marriage and my heart goes out to them and my encouragement is to brace the crud and speak to the core. I’ve also seen wives married to this kind of guy that have no clue HOW to be their husband's companion or complementer. Perhaps she started out competing from the get go. Unfortunately, he’s still leading by not leading gently and in God’s ways.

Here's the fourth guy - the dream boat.


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Mrs. Sidney said...

I am not sure my hubby is one of those three... I will wait and see.

Lylah said...

ahhh....but mrs. sidney...there IS a 4th! so, wait and see. thanks for the post...

Melissa said...

My husband sounds like a mix of the passive/abdicator, but doesn't fit totally. I know he isn't dominate, but I try and encourage him in that direction. God is showing me how to offer grace, mercy, and unconditional love plus lots of positive encouragement. Thanks Jesus for letting me know I can change for the better and gives me opportunities for when I fall short of being anything but loving towards my companionship with my husband. Looking forward to the next blog...