Sunday, May 04, 2008

what's "coffee talk"?

Part One of a New Series on "Coffee Talk"

“Coffee Talk” probably seems like an interesting name for a little book which is not about how to make a great latte’ but about learning the art of listening. As I was preparing to write this book, I kept thinking about a couple of girlfriends sitting at some sort of French looking outdoor café. This picture seemed to be a good metaphor to describe the enjoyable moments that women have with each other. I have had many of those moments, and I treasure them.

With this picture, I could catch a glimpse of these girlfriends sipping the most amazing espresso. Hmmm…can you smell it? I pictured them chatting away and catching up on everything and nothing. Isn’t that one of the things we love to do? Don’t we love to relax, drink coffee (or tea for you tea lovers) and just talk?

coffee talk – a metaphor of a journey of the heart
In using “Coffee Talk,” as a metaphor for a journey into the art of listening, I pictured another scene with this woman to woman connection. Perhaps you’ve observed a moment of tenderness when one woman’s hand reaches over to the others and tears flow. Perhaps you’ve had one of those moments and heard the hush when safety and grace create space for truth in the inward part to be expressed. Perhaps you’ve experienced the moment of now when your conversation went from the surface, fun chat to a deeper place where the cry of your feminine soul was heard, or the sound of your loneliness was revealed or your fear exposed?

“Coffee Talk” can be about “light fun chat” and it can be the “catching up” that girlfriends love to do but, it in the context of what we’ve grown to experience, it’s more than that. “Coffee Talk” is about the ‘now’ moment where a thirst is quenched, a heart heard, the gift of listening given.

the moment of now
I have been in conversations with girlfriends and I have missed giving the gift of listening. I have missed being attentive to the now because I was so focused on the next or on myself. I’ve missed what my girlfriends (or my daughters, or my husband) were really saying because I was too busy either thinking about what I wanted to say next or I was interpreting what I thought they were saying—wrongly as I was filtering the conversation through my own ideas. I was not listening with my heart and because of that ‘me-centered’ attitude of heart, I have missed many opportunities to weep with those that weep, quench a thirst, hear a fear, share a concern, get excited about a dream.

I believe that in every situation there are those now moments when a woman wants to ‘say more’ but because her friend has poor listening skills the heart of what she’s saying is missed. We miss those now moments when we don’t pause our thoughts about ourselves and get into the other person’s world. Those now moments have the possibility to offer the other person a precious opportunity to discover their own thirst for the first time in their life.

Many women (men too) live thirsty and needy lives without even knowing it. The desire for a thirst to be quenched lies deep below the surface level of the soul. Often, thirsty people go through life seeking to quench their thirst with stuff that does not satisfy, when what they really wanted and needed was for someone to take the time and hear their case. God’s heart is that you and I become thirst quenchers.

A thirst quencher is one who partners with Him, and listens with the heart to the inward parts of another heart.

When one woman actively listens with her heart to another heart – the reality of the thirst being actualized can then begin to be realized. It is not until the thirst in the feminine soul (and masculine soul) is realized and owned that true change can happen. Listening with the heart in the now moment gives that opportunity.

. . . more coming.

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Anonymous said...

this is going to be a great book. you have a wonderful way of words, that's really easy to understand. i can't wait for more!!

♥ chelsearae

Lylah said...

thanks for the sweet comment :-)